:: at this moment ::

finding perfection out of imperfection

2008-10-11T18:40:00.003+08:00

finally i know what is the meaning of irreversable.

sometimes saying sorry can't really help much.

i had made mistakes in the past.

what if. what if...

hope time will heal the wound.

hope we can accept the imperfection to find perfection.

i'm urs

2008-09-01T16:50:00.002+08:00

i've moved on...

i'm now forever yours...
i hope u can be forever mine too...

miss ya...

Which Punctuation Mark Are You?

2007-09-02T14:27:00.001+08:00

Your Score: Exclamation point

You scored 61% Sociability and 47% Sophistication!

Yes, you are fine around others. Fine. But you wish you could have just a *little* more alone time. Okay, well, a lot more alone time. In fact, you'd be happier if you didn't have to go out nearly as much. You get along very well with the period, who tries mightily to take up as much of the load as he can. But fools will not listen. You want to scream, "Cut it out, for the love of Safire!" But, all of that notwithstanding, you do your duty. And, if sometimes you feel like a Chicago street hooker, you also remember that you really do have an important role to play. Your soul remains pure. Hold your head high!

Link: The Which Punctuation Mark Are You Test written by Gazda on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test

my personal dna map

2007-05-18T19:10:00.000+08:00

再一次擁有 - 龔詩嘉

2006-10-03T21:32:00.000+08:00

我想念去年的冬天下著雪的那一夜
你給我的溫暖緊握的雙手溫暖整個寒冬

失去了曾經的擁有在你離開以後
帶走了笑容只留下寂寞忘了幸福是什麼

沒有你的夜特別漆黑
只能閉上雙眼去感覺
沒有我的夜誰在你身邊
代替了那個從前

能不能再聽一次你說愛我
回到還再你懷裡的時候
能不能讓我在一次擁有
曾屬於我的溫柔

無條件為你

2006-07-28T20:07:00.000+08:00

愛你等於擁有　一片天空任何風吹草動　
都有你存在其中自然而然的輕鬆

*一路到　夏天的尾聲
無所謂　到過於激動
我們有笑容　我們曾心動
不再是　無動於衷

#無條件為你　不顧明天的安穩
為你變堅強　相信你的眼神
不敢想　不敢問　有一天壞的可能

無條件為你　放棄單獨的旅程
為你堅強　就不怕犧牲
我的靈魂　如此沸騰　為我愛的人#*

喜歡複雜還是　習慣單純
我願盡力完成　你在我心中幾分難以形容的責任 repeat*

愛一個人　付出才會完整
無條件　越愛就越深永遠不分　啊 repeat#

The Five Love Languages

2006-05-21T04:59:00.000+08:00

My primary love language is probably
Physical Touch
with a secondary love language being
Quality Time.

Complete set of results

Physical Touch:		9
Quality Time:		7
Acts of Service:		5
Words of Affirmation:		5
Receiving Gifts:		4

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

titanic 2... muahaha

2006-04-25T16:33:00.000+08:00

大城小愛 - 王力宏

2006-04-19T01:45:00.000+08:00

歌手：王力宏作曲：王力宏
填詞：王力宏/陳鎮川/K Tee 編曲：王力宏

烏黑的髮尾　盤成一個圈
纏繞所有對妳的眷戀
隔著半透明鬥簾　嘴裡說的語言
完全沒有欺騙

屋頂灰色瓦片　安靜的畫面
燈火是妳美麗那張臉
終於到所有流浪的終點
妳的微笑結束了疲倦

千萬不要說天長地久
免得妳覺得我不切實際
想多麼簡單　就多麼簡單
是媽媽告訴我的哲理

＊腦袋都是妳　心裡都是妳
　小小的愛在大城裡好甜蜜
　唸的都是妳　全部都是妳
　小小的愛在大城裡只為妳傾心＊

烏黑的髮尾　盤成一個圈
纏繞所有對妳的眷戀
終於找到所有流浪的終點
妳的微笑結束了疲倦

千萬不要說天長地久
免得妳覺得我不切實際
想多麼簡單　就多麼簡單
讓我大聲地對妳說　I'm thinking of you

REPEAT＊

那回程的票根　妳留做紀念
不必害怕面對離別
剪掉一束頭髮　讓我放在胸前
走到哪裡都有妳陪　相隨

REPEAT＊＊

烏黑的髮尾　繞成一個圈
纏繞所有對妳的眷戀
那一種寸步不離的感覺
我知道就叫做永遠

谷歌

2006-04-16T06:35:00.000+08:00

this is google's chinese name... which really sounds terrible, coz it juz has no link to wat it actually does and its have to pronounce... song of the grain/song of the valley, both also no link leh... lastly, it sounds like 股沟... sick...

www.buttcrack.com <-- best search engine in the world, lol x 1000

my bleach character...

2006-04-16T00:06:00.000+08:00

Take The Quiz Yourself!

no more

2006-04-14T04:27:00.000+08:00

the story of -=k=- has ended, thanks for everyone who has been supporting the story... hmm, so wat shld i do next? nothing for the moment bah, rushing for deadlines and exams are coming, no time to study lah... kld*#td^@%^rew$#dfc@(e_@#@!...

story of -=K=- :: part 54 (end)

2006-04-05T14:15:00.000+08:00

Everyday K was sad.. but in his heart, there is still T who kept him going.. Every second, every minute, K goes on for T.. many a time.. he thought about what can he do to show that he truly loved T.... and he began to type this story... day and night. Each part of this story took tears and pain to write... Each part of it left many emotions stirring within him....

The next day... K reached home... and received a message from t... it said... " I am sorry I cant accept your present " It shook K. K could not do anything else.. he stopped doing whatever he was doing and was stunned... He couldn't think straight. The only thing he could do is to call T... and they talked... K asked.. "can u tell me why u cant accept my present?" T replied.. " I asked him, and he said he would not be too happy about it... I can understand how he feels.. how jealous and sad he would be, so I chose to respect him and not accept your present.."

K felt that pain go through him.. he felt it hard. Just because of a single sentence he said.. K's efforts for many weeks are all wasted... Is this fair, K asked in his head... but K said.. " why? Please don't do that, I have spent a lot of effort into making it for you... " but T said.. " I can fully understand how u feel, I know u put in effort, but if u want me to be happy, u shouldn't make my life difficult..." that was what T said.. and K , felt an intense pain deep within... He said. " just because I have hurt you, u didn't want to take my present.. just because I have hurt you, its ok to waste all my efforts from doin it.. Just because I have hurt you, u have all the reason in this world to hurt me back..." when K said this, he was just saying what he felt... but T said something that put him down even more...

T said.. " so u are still like before, tinking that I am hurting you cos u have hurt me?" this sentence hurts K so much.. T sees him as such a person... Why would k ever think that way? It was the most insulting thing that T could have said to K... Up till that moment T still couldn't see how much K was suffering when he said that... But K beared with it.. he said.. " no, I don't mean that.. I meant that all I ask for is for u to accept the present which I had put in so much efforts in... u have a right to hurt me, yes you do, cos I have hurt u before, and I know whatever I say is useless, so I just hope that u will accept my present just like someone who likes you..

but T said.. " no... I can't.. I can't make him sad, I am with him , I should make him happy.. If I am Very enthusiastic about getting your present, I wont care what he said... but the fact is.. I am not .."

This put K down again... but he realised he is just a piece of dirt to T now...T said.. " please don't waste anymore time on me.. at the end of it, when its all futile, u will feel like u are the silliest person on earth..." So K put down the phone... with a grief that no one knows except him... But he could take it.. He could take everything that T threw at him... because.. because he love T.. just like T took them last time... this is really a tradgedy... After putting down the phone... he msged T.. " yes I am silly, but I have only been silly for a month, while u have been silly for 1.5 years."

T replied.. " maybe I was too harsh, but I still wont accept your present, stop wasting your time on me.. good night. "... It was so clear cut , so cleanly put across.....

K thinks about T all the time.. he thinks about how T is passing her life... how she is feeling inside... deep inside.. K want so much to touch her inner feelings .. K knows T is still the same T.. she is only suppressing her feelings and trying to immune herself by studying.. no matter how long it takes.. T would never find real happiness till the day the hurt is removed....but for K, he will never find real happiness too.. till the day the hurt that he had caused.. is removed from T's heart. K is still here.. waiting for T.. he will love her.. cherish her and treat her well.. all these are no longer empty.. the only thing that is empty is K's life, without T.....

So when T read this story, all K hope... is for T to know.. who is the one that truly loves her.. and trust love once more... it isnt that difficult to find real happiness.... With someone u love... the path of true love never did ran smooth....

There is no ending to this story yet now.. it all depends on the only and only one who deserves to end it.... Happily or sadly, and that is T.... when T reads this part, K knows in his heart, that his heartfelt words, had all come across to T.... It is not easily fabricated... it took pains to piece all of this together... when T reads this line, hopefully, she knows that K is still there waiting for her.... K hopes that when T finished reading this story, she would just give him a call... not to demand for anything... just to hear.. what she would like to say to K...

The end

零與零之間 - 鄧麗欣 (Stephy)

2006-04-03T20:10:00.000+08:00

這首詩　畢竟寫愛一字
記憶鎖匙　應該一試
時空之中不肯將我記得清楚
狂風怎麼吹不去還是我

＊未放低　怎會去轉身
　未抱緊　冰冷了氣溫
　沒有心深愛記念　怎麼當真
　怎麼走更近

　沒記憶怎告訴你知
　若有天可從零再一次
　沒法相擁之時　還不太諷刺＊

說不知　不懂不愛不是
我心奔馳　終於一試
寒冬之中不肯將我抱緊心窩
何解當天總不對還是錯

REPEAT＊

如你說記念也都交給我　喚醒這個我
能再說句　未記起當天受罪
看過去　夜雨冰封下墜
風急不必再追　枯乾一堆眼水

未放低　怎會去轉身
未抱緊　冰冷了氣溫
就算這刻再發現　終於看真
多麼相配襯

若記憶觸碰我的心
若有天可從零再一次
沒法相擁之時　還不太諷刺

未發生的當時　如果更機智

分不開的兩個人 - 品冠

2006-04-03T00:28:00.000+08:00

那些事都像在眼前那条巷子想睡觉的夏天
合力提一个袋子一边走一边吵
一边想起一辈子

*傻瓜会觉得从前像那张压在抽屉的相片
扔掉了又捡回来忘记了又想起来
当护身符保佑幸福从不曾离开

那一夜哭了两三遍这几年绕了三四圈
明明分不开的两个人明明爱就在我身边

两三遍走回那条街三四圈全是你的脸
分不开的日子再找不回
最亲爱的最靠近的离最远*

挂断了变空号的电话停止脚步过一半的马路
存一整年的孤独一下午全涌入
有多久没这么哭

Repeat *

哭了两三遍绕了三四圈
明明分不开的两个人明明爱就在我身边

两三遍走回那条街三四圈全是你的脸
分不开再找不回
最亲爱的最靠近的离最远

story of -=K=- :: part 53

2006-03-27T21:44:00.000+08:00

On the 3rd of february,2002, K called T in the morning... he asked T... whther she would accept his valentine's day gift..... And T said . I will accept it.. like any normal friend who gave me.. And K asked.. " then can I meet u on that day to pass u the present?" and T said.. " I have school on that day.. I don't know , I will try to see whether I can meet you ... as a friend." T specified as a friend... but K was more than happy..." Hearing T's voice was more than enough... he had changed totally... They chatted... and K was tearin in his eyes again.. K was never such a crybaby, but whenever his emotions is evoked when talking with T, he will tear... he had become such a freak...

K said.. " I don't know if it sounds lame to you.. but if one day u will die unless I die, I would do it... " and guess what T said? T said.. " and I would rather die than live through the hurt again... It is too terrible.. too horrid... I cant even remember anything happy about us.. the hurt covered it all... " when K heard this.. tears flowed down his eyes... He knows how hard it was for T to take... he would never cause another pain to someone he loved so dearly again...

If time could be turned back, K would rather suffer himself than make T suffer... he said.. " U were 1/2 the reason why I live on... so when u have left me, it was as though I had lost my other half.. I couldn't go on anymore.. I really wish that we could turn back time, and things could be changed totally..." but K knows, if he hadnt gone through all these, he would not have learnt... he wouldn't have changed.. now he has.. and its only because he is made to go through the loss of T...but K was happy that T is willin to accept his present..

K asked T a question... " Do u believe that I truly love U?" and T replied.. " Yes..." K can sense the suppressed love T still bears for him... he knows it.. but every second, every min, the hurt had covered it all up... after they put down the phone.. K msged t.. " I hope we can go back to the times where I hadnt enlisted... we were so happy then... " T replied.. " if only u had not enlist, things might have been different..." K didn't know what she meant to this day.... But no matter what she means, K will still be right there waiting for T...

story of -=K=- :: part 52

2006-03-23T01:11:00.000+08:00

Although K did all these, it was just as what the girl expected, it is not goin to have any effect on T... K knew it ... but he did it... just like T did last time.. it was not returned... T kept telling K that she knows how it feel to give and be hurt... and she doesn't want to hurt the other guy... but K knows how it feels too- believe me. K knows how it feels ... now.

The feeling is simply heartbreaking... now he finally realises it. He had become a stronger person... at the expense of T's wounded heart. K knows.. in t's heart, he is still there... but T would not give K another chance... for fear that she will get hurt another time.. but only if she knew ... if only she had a magic mirror to see what was K like, how he dealt with things, how he talk to ppl now, how he carries himself, how he changed, she will know... she will trust him once more...

Every single night.. K sent T sms... good night sms... each single day.. K would wait till it was night.. before sending her an sms... To show that he is still there waiting... From then on.. K changed his Mp3 playlist. No longer was it trance and techno... it had only a few songs... songs that describe his feelings.... And one of it is.. " right here waiting.. " he will be right here waiting for her no matter how long it takes... " K changed his Icq nick too... he changed it to rightherewaiting.... He hopes one day, one fine day, T would call him.. and say... lets be together once more... he knows his destiny with T had not ended yet....

But as time goes past... K slowly began to nurture the pain... each day, he lives to type this story.. each night, he lives to send T one sms... each second is lived on to know that there is still T living.... K doenst know how much he love T, he just know it by his actions... Never had he had such actions before... It was like as if he was living for her... but what about T? T had become someone who keeps studying... K talked to a mutual friend of them... from there.. he learnt that T had become someone who concentrates so much on her studies.....

So one day... K msged T... K said.. " If u can change till u are someone who keeps studying, It is also possible that I have changed..." but T replied... " I have not changed.. I only placed my priorities right..." Each single day passed.. and each time K hoped that T will msg him at least a good night... Every time K reached home.. the first thing he would do is to send T emails ... emails that doenst demand but show that he cared... Everytime K is missing T, he would write down on a piece of postcard....

There was one postcard tht he had given T... it is something like that.. " I can see that u are happy now.. I can picture u going to lectures with him.. I can picture u going out with him ... it is really a happy picture... I cant give u anything now, so I just hope for you to be happy... but please remember... that I will always be right here waiting for you.. u will always be the one I love most... and the words XX, XX, are the words that mean everything to me...." XX is T's name...."

There was once when K's good friends talked with T... they found out about everything... for K... when they asked T whether she still had feelings for K... T often said evasive replies... like I don't know what the future holds... and replies like.. take it that I don't... but deep inside... K feels it.. K feels that T still loves him.. whenever K talks to T.. he can sense it.. he can sense the feelings that T is forever trying to suppress.. this hurts him a lot... The T that he knew never suppressed her feelings.. from the first day that he knew her, he knew she would never do such a thing... from everyone , K knows.. K knows that T is unable to forget the hurt that he had caused.. .the hurt that T had gone through had built a barrier around her... Not daring to love again...

T herself said.. " I also don't know why I became like that.. I became someone who is afraid to love , I never liked to study.. but now what am I doing? I am immersing myself in my books and projects, trying to numb myself.. studying is so horrid, I don't like it at all.. but I would rather study that remember the hurt that u have caused me.."

K remembered every word that T said.. K knows how hard it is on her.. and he loves her dearly and wants to change that.. If T would give K another chance, she would know how easy it is to ease the pain.. and relieve the hurt. The more T tried to suppress her feelings.. the more horrid she would feel.. she will never find real happiness. K knows it.. K knows what T is suffering emotionally.. she may not show it.. but she is not truly happy... she always say that she is happy now.. but K knows.. K knows when she is all alone and lonely and doenst have anything to keep her occupied , her sadness flows in again.. If K could take the pain from her and live it himself.. he would do it....

story of -=K=- :: part 51

2006-03-21T01:01:00.000+08:00

K waited for what seemed like eternity.. he waited for T to call her.. he didn't know how long that was.. but it seemed a very very long time..before T called.. and when T called.. K was silent. He couldn't start singing right away... he was very emotional at that time.. when he sung.. he had tears in his eyes.. but he still sang.. he sang from the first word to the last... and when he finished... he put down the phone... without saying bye... Just as he was picking himself up to leave... he received an sms.. which said.. " thankx , you can go home now.." and that was it.. that was all T said... T also said.. " please don't sit outside my door,, go home... "

For all the time that K was looking for T, T kept asking him to go home... K didn't know what that mean then... now he knows.. T didn't want K to do all these for her , she thinks its all too late... But no, nothing is too late.. K knew T too well.. she was not a hard hearted girl.. she was a nice girl who had to protect herself as she was hurt.. T said before.. " I know u only too well.. if I had gone back to u when we just broke up, u will never have changed.."

But K had something to say too... it is.. " Happiness is not that difficult to achieve... if u can trust love once again " ... K took his leave... and went home...

Initial OK??

2006-03-13T13:05:00.000+08:00

got this from carareok, the first place i can think of to shoot the video will be the road behind science park, and i am right... hahaha... but then its breaking traffic rules leh, double white lines cannot go across u know...

story of -=K=- :: part 50

2006-03-11T14:55:00.000+08:00

K went to look for T..... while going to look for T.. he felt really terrible.... He was so afraid that T wouldn't meet him... He thought to himself.. what should I do if T doesn't want to meet me? Wait below her block? Wait till the next morning? K prayed and prayed... why was he doing that? He asked himself... If T didn't want to see him then he would have to leave it to the letterbox again.... he called T when he was at the mrt station... but T said she would call him back...

So K began to walk the 15 mins walk..... halfway thru walking, T called... K said.. " can u come down to meet me now?" But T said.. " no I cant.. its too late at night for me to go out..." but the time was only ten... so K asked.. " please, I come all the way to pass something to you... please meet me for a while k? 5 mins is all it takes..." But T was determined not to meet K... T said.." no...don't make me feel like u are pestering me..." but K said... " if u r not going to meet me... I will wait downstairs for you... no matter how long u take.. I will wait.. " T said.. " like that, u are forcing me again... " but K said.. " no.. I am not forcing u.. if u dun wish to come down.. don't come down... " and T said.. " fine, u can wait for all u want, let me tell you, I will not come down to meet you., u will only be wasting ur efforts... I am goin to bath now.. bye.. "

K didn't know what kept him going.. he just walked and walked ... every step he took drained his life away from him.. it was depressing to know that T would say.. " no matter how long u wait.. I will never come down... " it struck him hard... but not hard enough for him to turn back. Never in his life had K become so mad before... he never never written love letters.. he had never do things like bringing things to a girl like that before... he had never waited for anyone below her house... he had never did such things to a girl... but now, he is doing it.. K's love made him change.. When K reached T's block.. he didn't know what to do again... He knew that T would never come down to meet him... and so he sat there... he waited... he waited... but he didn't know what was he waiting for, he was not waiting for T.. he was waiting for nothing. T didn't care that he was there.. he knew it.... But still he sat there like a fool....

After about 1/2 an hour... K decided to call the girl whom had analysed everything so well for him... he asked her.. " how? What am I going to do now? She wont come down.... " The girl said.. how did she sound when he said she wont come down?? K said.. " she sounded very stern.. and harsh... " then the girl said... " ok... she will not come down, dun bother to wait... just go put the stuff in her letter box.. and leave... or u could go up her house and leave it at the door.. and wait for her to open then talk to her..."

K decided that this is what he is going to do ... and so he left the stuff outside the door and stood there n waited for T. he wanted to sing the song for T too.. that is why he wanted to meet her.... K sent T an sms... " I left it at your door.. " And So K waited... he waited n waited... when he waited, he thought about the times he was at T's house... there was once when K went to her house ... when her cousin was in... and T let K sleep on the floor as he was tired... there was once when K went to her house for a meal cooked by T's sister in law.... It was a salty beef steak.... Those were the times when he felt like staying over at T's house.... During exactly the same time last year, K had went to T's house for chinese new year too.... T's mom cooked lots of nice food for them... and gave K a red packet... which was exactly the same amount as what T received from K's dad.... It all flashed in K's mind....

But suddenly... K realised that those were only past images, the present was the exact opposite... K kept looking downwards at the area below ... he looked and he looked.. he thought at that time... if T didn't bother to come to the door... why don't he just jump down and die? But that was just a stupid comtemplation. K would not do that.. if he did that.. it wasn't dying for love.. it was dying for stupidity... if he died, he will never get T back ....

So K waited.. and waited. He waited for T to open the door.. he knew she wouldn't expect him sitting outside.... So when T opened the door, she was shocked.. T was wearing a dark colored nightee.. the type that she always wore.. and T had a pimple on her face... K remembered everything about T .. but they had broken up. When T saw k.. she said.. " please don't do this... my parents are at home.. " But K replied.. I am here only because I wanna sing u a song... please... Just as K was about to start, T said.." no..please don't sing... my parents are at home.. " K said... ok... I don't sing... but can u call me so that I can sing to u?

And T replied.. ok....

story of -=K=- :: part 49

2006-03-04T00:46:00.000+08:00

K took the mrt home... The train was so crowded, yet K felt so lonely... Everyone seemed to revolve around K... he was getting smaller by the minute... He sat there motionless for the whole journey... thinking and thinking.... Never one moment did he stop thinking or regretting.... K's friend had to meet a client... and so she left.... So K was all alone... alone in the whole wide world...

Without T.. K had lost the most important thing he ever had.. That night.. K called the friend who told him about the situation of army guys and their gfs in uni...... and talked... and asked for advice... She told K.. " it is not that easy K.. u have to show her that u have changed.... But even if u have changed, she might not believe u anymore ... because u have hurt her before... "

K said.. ""i know I am wrong... but I know she still has feelings for me.... If she could trust love again... nothing is impossible... " but K's friend, who was such a great analyser.. said.. " Even if she still loves u in her heart, she is already suppressing it.. she doesn't want to come back to u for fear that she might suffer like before.. .Even if one day the things u do manage to touch her... she may still not come back to you... because she might feel that the other guy would do better to take care of her... and even if one day the guy left her... she might still not come back to you... u have hurt her too much... eventually she might end up with another guy....

Are u sure u really want to still not give up? Do u know what that means? That means ... if u give and give and give and give.. and in the end its all to no avail, can u take it? Can u take the pain? The hurt? And its not going to be a few weeks or 1 month.. It could take so long... It could take so long.. and are u sure u can do it? Its not easy K...”

K was perplexed.. but he knew what he wanted to do.... He thought... poor T... she had become like that.. all because of him.. that look of T when he saw her kept flashing into his head... she had become such a freak.. and it was all because of him.. She had turned into a girl afraid to love... all because of him.. and she , T , had given so much into the relationship but got nothing in return... If she can do it for so long... K could do it too... K loved T ... It was then did he realised how much he loved T... T loved K , and so she could give unconditionally... and now.. it was K's turn... it was K's turn to give unconditionally... whether or not T is going to be moved.. or touched...

Another friend of K sent him an sms... she said.. " don't give up. If last time she can wait so long for u, hoping that u would learn to appreciate, then now its time for you to wait for her.." This message, although simple... is what had kept K going .... Till now...And so K replied.. " I will... I will touch her one day.. no matter how long it takes.... "

One morning.. K woke up... he woke up very early.. in tears... and started to write a letter to T... K said many things in the letter... all about how he felt.... How he took it.. how he got past that horrid time.. but K made it very clear to T... he said that he would wait for her no matter what it takes... And with that... K kept the letter and put it into a present wrapper that T had given him... K was a sentimental guy.. he keeps all of T's presents wrappers in a paper bag... so he took one of it.. and wrapped the ugly looking piece of paper.... Although it was an ugly piece of paper... It was the foolscap pad that T had bought for him .. from her school.. It was the last gift that T had bought for K besides the mouse... it was the last meaningful gift... K still remembers why T bought the paper for him.. cos K said.. "I want your school foolscap pad.." and T bought a foolscap pad from her school... a normal foolscap pad that could be bought from any popular bookstore.... But T wrote... with her handwriting... the initials of her school on the cover page of the foolscap pad... K would never use the foolscap pad anymore... he would only use it ... on T... he will never finish using it... he couldn't bear to.... K brought the piece of paper and wanted to give it to T that night.... That day.. K thought what could he do to let T know how he feels... so he thought and thought...

K remembered a song.. which he and K loved very much when they just fallen in love... the song title was "everytime"... K was a good singer... so he decided.. to sing the song for T that night.... K and T had never went to a karaoke before.... And since the day K and T broke up... K visited the karaoke at least 3 times a week... to sing ....

This is what life means... when u have a chance to do it... u don't.. and when u have lost the chance, u no longer have the chance to do it anymore.... So K went to find out the lyrics ... as he found out.. he typed it into a document..... the lyrics were so meaningful for K... K chose this song to sing to her.. because of the lyrics....

It goes like this...

Everytime

Lately i'm not who i used to be
Someone's come and taken me
where i dont wanna go
If i knew.. exactly what i have to do
in order to be there for u
when u are feeling low

And all the things we ever wanted
were once yours and mine
Now, i know we can revive it
all the love we left

Everytime i kiss i feel ur lips
Everytime i cry i c ur smile
Everytime i close my eyes i realise that
Everytime i hold ur hand in mine
The sweetest thing my heart could ever find
And i have never felt this way
Since the day i gave ur love away

Save me, i fallen from my destiny
U and i were meant to be i've thrown it all away
Now u are gone
It's time for me to carry on
But baby i just cant go on
Without u by my side

We can survive it
All the pain we feel inside
U relied on me and now i've let u down
Now, i promise u forever
I will be the best i can
Now i know we can revive it all the love we left

story of -=K=- :: part 48

2006-02-22T03:19:00.000+08:00

K was stuck there for a while.. watching T leave.. to watch T leave sap K of all his energy... Every step T took away from K, K could feel his life draining away... finally , T was not in sight anymore... K had no more energy.. he sat there... and didn't know what to do... all that have happened seemed like yesterday... His head was in a flurry of thoughts. But as he sat there.. he kept thinking... how to make T realise that he had changed.... So from that moment on.. he told himself.. " I am going to do everything I can to show T that I truly love her, and that I have changed... no longer am I the immature freak that I was..."

K wanted to wait below T's block so that he could accompany T to school the next day... So K called T and asked her what time was her lessons tml.... And T said 10 plus.. K said... ok.. let me wait downstairs so that I can accompany u to school tml... But T didn't want that. T told K to go home... T told K that if he did that, he would only be forcing himself on her.. an she didn't want to feel that way about K...K said.. " if u want me to go.. I will go..." and K went home... K messaged T a lot of times that night... telling her how much he had changed.. and how much he loves her.. but T was immune to everythinga lready.. T's heart no longer bear emotions... her emotions were suppressed by the very soul of herself. But K knew it was all because of him that she had become like that.... The sight of T last night is enough to make K sad forever. That was a T that seemed so lost, so disillusioned, so hurt and so lifeless.. If it was because of K that T become like that... K was a sinner... K made up his mind... to try to get T back...

The next day, K didn't book in, he took leave... early morning he woke up... and started to write a postcard to T... he wrote a short postcard... telling her what is he doing now and thinking of.... An extract would be.. " just woke up... and start to write this thing to you... am going to the bubble tea stall later.. I don't mind taking leave and bringing it to u ... its worth it." And K set out to the bubble tea shop where they had spent happy times together... When he reached there... the stall wasn't opened yet... so K wrote another postcard to T... saying.. " I am at the stall now... hope that u like the drink..."

After K bought it... he decided to call T.. the time was close to ten... T said that she needed to go to school at ten plus.... But when K called T.. T had already went out.... T was already in school with her bf...K said.. " I wanted to give u something this morning...didn't utell me that u are going out at ten plus?" T said.. " ya, but I decided to go out earlier.. go to school earlier... " K was so sad... he had already bought the bubble tea for T... so he said.. " can I bring something and pass it to you in your school?" This time.. T sounded harsh to K.. she said.. " NO, what am I going to do when he sees it? U are not making me any happier u know."

And K realised one thing... the moment T had another guy... it would be 10 times harder to make T realise that he had changed... and so.. dejectedly.. K put down the phone....but before he did it... with his last ounce of energy... he said... " can I bring it to your house and leave it in ur letter box?" T didn't say anything more.. she simply said.. " up to u" and put down the phone.... K had the first setback... he became sad again. Waking up in earnest to do something for K.. and was put down.. this was the first time he felt so lousy... and useless.. He was nothing. T treated him like dirt... but K loved T.. he didn't mind being treated like Dirt this time... If he took so long to appreciate T, why should T appreciate him with his first effort?

And So K travelled all the way... and left the postcards inside T's letter box... But on his way there.. he wrote a third postcard... which werent decorated or drawn or colored... he was too depressed to decorate it. It only had one sentence... which wrote.. " Although I didn't manage to see you... it is still worth it..." Sadly... K threw away the bubble tea...

At night.. K send a message to T.. he told her.. " no matter how busy u are.. I hope u open ur letter box... I went to ur place just to put that in ur letter box... "

That after noon.. K was the saddest man on earth. He felt so lousy.. he couldn't do any other thing.. He met his friend.. from the same school as T.. and talked to her about everything... K felt like dying.. he didn't have any more strength... and this friend, told K to give up... its not worth doing all these while she is treating u like dirt now.. please wake up K.. she said... but K couldn't give up..

He thought about how T and him were together last time.. he thought about how great that relationship was before he enlisted.. he thought about all those times...He went to have lunch with his friend.... And while eating... suddenly K's friend told K that the guy is a rich guy.. and could provide for K... n have a car too.... When K heard this.. he was shattered again... He thought.. and he thought... when he heard that.. he could not eat anymore... he had only eaten a mouthful...

K's friend lied to him. She wanted him to give up... Seeing K in such agony hurts her a lot.. Everyone who saw K during that time couldn't bear to see him suffer anymore.. The only person that could bear to see K suffer was T..... But also, the only person that would suffer for K was T too. K's friend lied... She wanted K to know the sad reality that T is already with someone else..

K thought in his head.. " what a happy sight... someone going to lectures together with T.. someone going for lunch with her everyday.. someone who could be there and take care of her everyday... drive her home... going out after school.. provide for her needs as he was rich... pay her bills... etc etc..."

When K thought about all these.. he realised that he could not give T anything... All he had was his love.. and T didn't trust his love anymore... He thought... " if T was happy with all these, then he would give up... and wish them all the best..." He hoped that T was really happy with him... So K picked up his handphone... and msged T " I know he is rich and have a car... if all these are important to u and u really like him, and have no more feelings for me.. I will give up ..." T took some time to reply K... but when she replied... she said.. " He is not rich and doesn't have a car.. I will love him.."

When K saw this sms... it was as if a thousand stones crumbled on him...While he was crossing the road.. he didn't even look at whether there was any cars... luckily.. K's friend pulled him back.. or he would have met with an accident at town... T hardened her heart.. to make K give up.. But not K... he would not give up... and so he called T... he said.. " Do u really not want to give me another chance?"

T replied.. " yes..dun force me..." K said. " Is he really that good? I don't know, but if he comes in at this time.. either he is only playing with you.. or he is just taking his chances... The people that gets the girls are pple like these...please do not be fooled... " K didn't know why he said this... he was in pain.. intense pain.. When T heard this.. she was pissed... and put down the phone abruptly.....

落花流水 - 陳奕迅

2006-02-21T03:53:00.000+08:00

曲：Eric Kwok / Eason Chan
詞：黃偉文
編：Eric Kwok / Jerald

流水像清得沒帶半顆沙前身被擱在上游風化
但那天經過那條提壩斜陽又返照閃一下遇上一朵落花
相遇就此擁著最愛歸家生活別過份地童話化
故事假使短過這五月落霞沒有需要驚詫

流水很清楚惜花這個責任真的身份不過送運
這趟旅行若算開心亦是無負這一生
水點蒸發變做白雲花瓣飄落下游生根
淡淡交會過各不留下印

流水在山谷下再次分岔情感漸化做淡然優雅
自覺心境已有如明鏡為何為天降的稀客泛過一點浪花
天下並非只是有這朵花不用為故事下文牽掛
要是彼此都有些既定路程學會灑脫好嗎

流水很清楚惜花這個責任真的身份不過送運
這趟旅行若算開心亦是無負這一生
水點蒸發變做白雲花瓣飄落下游生根
命運敲定了要這麼發生
講分開可否不再用憾事的口吻習慣無常才會慶幸
講真天涯途上誰是客散席時怎麼分

流水很清楚惜花這個責任真的身份不過送運
這趟旅行若算開心亦是無負這一生
水點蒸發變做白雲花瓣飄落下游生根
淡淡交會過各不留下印但是經歷過最溫柔共震

havnt seen such a good lyrics for a long time, so as the song... as quoted from a website "《落花流水》是一首利用落花流水這種非常詩意的景象，比喻兩個人相遇時間的長短並不重要，最重要是你懂不懂得去珍惜." its all described in the song...

story of -=K=- :: part 47

2006-02-14T16:26:00.000+08:00

K asked T..." why didn't u have a heart to heart talk with me? Why didn't u bother to do so? If u still love me u should have done so... " and T replied. " I tried to get it across to u many times that I am hurt but I still love you.. it was you who rejected me so many times..."

K was at a loss for words... All along he thought that it was T who wanted to leave him... K asked.. " I thought thatt u didn't want to commit anddidn't want me anymore... I thought that u wanted to concentrate on your studies... but when I heard that u are with another guy now, I can't help but feel cheated... Why did u do this to me?"

T said " when I told u that, I really meant what I said.. but things just happened... I don't know if I am serious or whether he is just there at the correct time, but I am with him now." K replied. " why are u with him? Do u really love him? Is he the one that u really like?" T couldn't find an answer... T could only say.. " I don't know what to say and what I like about him.. maybe I cannot rememeber at this point of time.."

K asked T.. " Do u know how hard I took it when I found out that u are with another guy? It was so hard to take it... I tried to tell myslef to be strong and forget it.. but cant.. why? Because I love you... I didn't know that u wanted to find someone else.. I thought u will only concentrate on your studies... but u lied to me..."

T said.. " I wanted to concentrate on my studies.. and I am doing that now..." K asked. " why is everything like that? Do u know what I thought? I thought that u don't want me anymore.. that was why I didn't try to salvage our relationship.. I thought u wanted to be single.... "

K thought about the times when T said.. " since I met you, I don't want to be single anymore.." but now.. K could only hear.." Its better for us to be friends..." K was shattered... he was in tears for the whole time he was talking to T. K said.." if I had knew that it was me who had hurt you so much, I would have come n looked for u sooner... I never knew that it was my hurtful words that caused u to become so cold... I love u dear... U will always be my dear... With tears, K said the words in his heart... for the first time.... He no longer used his mouth to speak from that day onwards...

t was on the verge of tears.. but she didn't cry...

she said.. " why did u tell me this only now? Its too late.. K.. its too late... If u had come sooner and told me all these, things would have been different... I had waited for u for a long time.. since the day I broke up.. no I mean u broke up with me, I have been waiting for u to do this... but when I said I loved u and u didn't believe me the other time, I was hurt once more... U were still so defiant that it was my fault... U were so accusing, and u didn't believe a word I say... from that time on.. I decided.. to put away the photo in my wallet.. I decided to treat everything between us as a memory.. that is only a memory to me now.. Its too late..K.. Its too late.."

K asked T a question.." do u really love him and want to be with him? Do u know that I have not stopped loving u since that day? I love u.... I know he may like you... but I am the one that loves u . even if he loves you... I am the one that loves u more... No one loves u more than I do except your parents... I am sure of that, now I can safely say it.."

K spoke from his heart again... he truly loved T.. Only when T left him did he realised how much T meant to him. But T said." Its too late k.. u came too late.. I am with someone else now.. and I dun wish to hurt someone else because of you..." but K said.. " no.. its never too late T... K asked T... can u tell me that u have no more feelings for me? Tell me that... tell me that u have no more feelings for me in my eyes.. and I will give up..I will stop bothering you..."

But T couldn't do it.. T didn't look at K's eyes for even a second.. K remembers the T that he saw... it was so heartbreaking.. T was looking so sad.. so hurt... so pitiful.. and it was K who had caused her to bevome like that.. T looked so weak.. so shattered.. cold and emotionless... And it was all K who did it.... K was the one that had made T became like that...and the worst part of it was... K didn't know... till that day.. T could not do it... T could not tell K that she didn't have anymore feelings for him..

K told T.. I will let u feel that I have changed.. I have really changed for you T... No longer will I treat u like that... Let me tell you, human is like that.. they will never change till something happens to them... and it is because of you, that I have changed. It is because of my love for u that made me change.I know its hard for you to believe me now.. but let me prove it to you that I have changed... the next gf that I have... is going to be the luckiest girl on earth.. I will no longer get angry with her... no longer get jealous. No longer take her for granted... "

remember the phrase that defines love? Love is patient love is kind. It does not envy does not brag, it is not proud. It is not rude. It is not self seeking, it is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always persevere.Love never fails...

And K can now safely say that he LOVES T.. K continued... he said" but it is because of you that I have changed... my love for you made me change this time.. I am sure of it.." And T said with wet eyes.. " maybe the next girl for you will be really lucky..." But K said.." no.. but there is no one that I want to be with me ...except for you... U will be the only one for me... so there will be no next girl ... U have caused me to change.. and I want you To feel the happiness that I can give you..." but T said.. " its too late.. I am with someone else now..." K said " I Know u are with someone else now... he cares.. he is concerned.. he give u support.. I can do all that too... I know that... and on top of that... I love u more than him..."

K knows that all these he is saying is useless to win T back... What K wanted is just to let T know that he can do the same too... he wants to let T knows that his love for her is really great enough for her to trust him one more time..

But it is not easy for T to believe K again... T said.. "its too late.. why haven't u come sooner? I might have risked everything again for the last time.. but now.. its too late.. I have told myself to forget about you..."T was really hard hearted to K already... K cried in front of T.. the first time he had ever cried till so badly... in front of a girl.. but it was not any girl.. It was T.. K cried so bad....

He told T " I have never cherished you before.. and it was because pple don't cherish what they have easily.. they only cherish something when they have lost it...But I m no longer the K that u knew.. I have change totally because of you...Please give me another chance, T.." But T said " I don't know what the future holds for me, I might end up with him ,I might not. I cant say anything, but I cant give u chances, or it will be unfair to him.."

But T had never thought that if the guy had wanted to come in at this time... he himself should be prepared for K to still go after T...chasing T after a break up might be easier... but there are the cons too.. but T didn't know that... K , was burning within him, not because he was angry with T this time... he had changed.. this time.. he was angry at himself for letting someone else come into the picture.. if he had treated T well.. if he didn't neglect her, if he didn't enlist, if he didn't bought his computer, If if if if if... such a situation would not have happened... he cuold only hate himself..

But K said.. " but T, I am the one that loves u most ... cant u give me one more chance on account of my love for u? Everyone of my friends told me to give u up.. they say u are not worth it... but in my heart... u are worth my everything... please give me one more chance..."

T was silent for a min... before she said again... " I cant predict the future.. I don't know.. but now.. I just want my life to go on... "

K knew that if he begged for T to give him another chance, nothing would come out of it.. so he decided to not force T anymore... he said.." T, take it that the old K has died... the new K , which is me, is totally changed... and changed for you, the one he love most.. can't u take it that it is a new person coming after u? If u cant... can u promise not to reject my calls or ignore my sms? Just try to reply sometimes.. I would be more than happy..."

T said." ok.. if I pick up your call for the first time.. I wont reject it anymore.." K was crying badly by now... and he asked for a hug with T.... T gave K a quick hug... and was very quick to withdraw... she gave K the feeling that she was really scared of him... it was so fast.. but K could remember the times when they used to hug tightly together for a long time... but this time, it was merely a friendly hug.. If K could hug T for one more time in his life.. he would rather fail his exams.. just like T would rather fail than leave K previously...

This tragic love story is an extreme case.... Before, T would do anything for K... and now.. K would do anything for T.... After the chat... K passed the sweets which he had prepared for T... and T took them... and left....

story of -=K=- :: part 46

2006-02-11T04:06:00.000+08:00

T was so cold towards K.. it was no longer the T that K knew... but K didn't want to give up just like that.. he loved T... and he didn't know that T had suffered so much still at that point of time. Hethought that T might have been sad.. but definitely he is taking it even harder, he knows it.. The person who took it harder is usually the one who still feels that there is a hope in the relationship... T didn't feel that there was any more hope for the relationship and so she went into another one.

K went to buy T's favourite sweets.... But this time K didn't just buy the sweets... he bought a few packs, took out all the sweets.. and took only the pink ones which were T's favourite.. and put them into a pack... Although this is only a small gesture, K only wanted T to feel at least a little happier when she eats them.. K brought himself to T's block.. and called her...

On the way there, K kept thinking.. " am I a fool? Why am I stll going afterher? Why cant I forget her? Why? Why? Why? Didn't she like someone else already? What am I doing? Why am I still taking this train to go to her place to look for her?" On the way there, it seemed like eternity... K was afraid that T wouldn't meet him....but he went... he went... dressed in the clothes that T first saw him in...

When K reached t's block... he called her.. and said that he was waiting downstairs...T cam down to talk to K.. K remembers every word that T said.... Every thing that T said.. on that day... when K saw T... he could not recognize T... I don't meant that T changed her appearance or anything.. K could not "recognize" the T that was like before... This T... had a different aura... It could sound funny.. but its true. T was no longer the same T.. she seemed to be.. cold. K walked T to a bench where they had spent many times talking before... when K hadnt enlist, K would always sit at those benches to chat with T till it was time for her to go home.. The memories they had chatting.. Hugging.. and kissin on the bench. But this time.. they were no longer going to do any of that... they were no longer together.

K remembered the first time he sat on that bench... T was so reluctant to go home... they talked and talked.. and each time T wanted to leave, neither could bear to do so.. That was the feeling that the old T could give K.. but this T.. she gave K the feeling that "please get it over with, I dun have time for you." She gave K that feeling... But K started... to ask why did T jump into another relationship so fast... K started to tell T how much he had went through believing in the wrong thing...

story of -=K=- :: part 45

2006-02-04T00:25:00.000+08:00

Love means hope.. K didn't sleep last night... he thought... is T really this kind of girl as every1 said? Is T that bad? No.. he gave it a lot of thought... as that very moment when K's friend told him the news... he thought everything in a flash... but he cooled himself down after talking to his friend.. and asked himself.." Is T really like that? " K knew that T was not like that... In his heart.. T was the best girl that he ever had... T said before that she is going to be the best gf that K ever had... and she had did it.. K didn't show his trust to T last time.. but this time... he trusted her... but couldn't show it. It was reality and the cruel tradgedy of life.

So what K needed to do is to meet T and find out all the truth.... T didn't reply.. But K called her house.... And told her brother... to ask T to call him... to clear up the mess.... And so... T called K..... K said." Are u with someone else already? And T replied... No...Someone is chasing me but we are not together" she lied to K... till today.. K still doenst know why did she lie to him... does that mean that T had lied to him before? T had said " I had never ever lied to you.." but if she lied that time... does that mean that whateer she said cannot be trusted anymore?? But K trusted his own instincts this time... he didn't believe T.. when he talked to T.. he had so much to say to T.. but at that moment.. after so long of not talking to T ... he was so happy to hear her voice again... he was speechless... he cant say anything that he wanted to say for so many times he wanted to... all hecould was keep quiet... finally.. after a long silence, he said.. can I call u later? I don't know what to say.... And T said.. " ok "

That day.. K was revived... he felt life breathing into him when he heard T's voice.. K was so dejected. When he heard T's voice, it seemed that it was the best medicine for his wound. How much weight had he lost since T left him, at that moment, he felt that he had eaten the most fulfiling meal. K had not been sleeping well every night.. but when he heard T's voice, it was like a potion that healed his every wound and tiredness... temporarily... every ounce of K's strength depended on T's love... This could be rather lame.. but is very true. K seemed to have lost himself when he lost T.he knew he had to talk to her and have a heart to heart talk.. which he didn't ask for since the day they broke up.... So when K reached home.. he called t.. he asked T... "please.. can I meet u today.. I really want to have a good talk with u for the last time..." But T kept refusing K... she didn't want to have any more to do with K... she had given up on him.... But K still loves T.. K cant give T up.. he knows T is meant for him... Maybe T may not feel that she is meant for K.. but certainly K felt that T was meant for him...

It was that simple, if a person is the one u love, never give up.. That was K's logic. So no matter how T rejected K.. K still wanted to meet her. At that time... K asked T... " please tell me the truth, do not lie to me anymore.. if u have another guy now.. just tell me.." and So T confessed. She said "Yes I have another guy now, but it has nothing to do with our breakup." K, although knew it already, but the feeling is different when he heard it with his very own ears and from T's very own lips. K was shatterred... he asked.. " didn't u say the other time that there would be no future guys??" And T replied.. " yes I said so at that time, but everything just happened.." She sounded so cold and unfeeling when she said those words. It was really hurtful for K, but still he persisted. He asked " Why? Why did u lie to me when I asked u just now? Why?" T replied " because I feel that you didn't need to know...he wasn't a third party..." K was sad, and hurt. But he didn't put down the phone.. he asked ...can I go and talk to u tonight? T kept saying no... K was in tears by that time.. but still he persevered... and put down the phone after a chat which left T agitated...

story of -=K=- :: part 44

2006-01-31T03:41:00.000+08:00

But when K found out that T had gone with another guy, he didn't believe it at first...But it was also because that T had become another guy's gf that caused K to find out the real reason...

One rainy night... K could still remember that night.. when it had been raining for the whole day... K received a call at about 12 midnight... It was K's friend who was studying in the same Uni as T... and she said..."K, give it all up... T is with someone else now... dun take it too hard... " that was all she said.... But that one short sentence... meant a million things to K.. It meant.. " so T had another guy all along.." it meant " T lied when she said there would be no future guys.. " it meant T lied when she said she would concentrate on her studies... it meant T lied when she said that she wanted to be free and enjoy herself.... It meant that it was because of the other guy that made T not reply K anymore... It meant why T doesn't want K anymore.. it meant why T could be so hard hearted when she saw K so sad and down on her birthday.. It meant everything....

K didn't sleep that night.. It was as if a lightning bolt had struck K... No one can understand how it feels... That is exactly the same feeling that K didn't want X, to feel last time.. K told X the truth... K told X that there was someone else in the relationship instead of lying.. the pain is intense but truthful... But this time... K felt the agony and sharp biting pain... The biting cold ate into his heart.. He felt like he had been a fool... to cry for T, to be sad for T... to be depressed for T... to spend all his money on drinking for T... to suffer so much for this kind of girl... K took it really hard. He felt that he had been the fool all along.. to trust T when she said there would be no future guys... what a joke it was to K... he had believed T.. he felt so cheated. He felt like he was the biggest biggest emotional freak on earth.

That night he didn't sleep. He called a friend... and talked till he was so tired till he slept... for 2 hrs.... The next day... K had duty to do... and heaven laughed at him that day.. he stood in the rain for 4 hours.. not by choice... but K had no feeling.. K was emotionless... he msged T.. " if u have another guy, please tell me the truth, do not avoid" but still there was no reply. T didn't care a damn about how K felt, she couldn't care less anymore. The skies cried just like K was crying in his heart.

Never had someone seen K looked like that before.. he looked like a zombie. A dead zombie... standing in the rain. It was such a terrible day that thinking about it makes K very bitter... And to add it all.. T didn't care about what K was feeling right now.... She didn't bother to reply.... But have anyone wondered why K bothered to ask T? it was because he loved T still..

story of -=K=- :: part 43

2006-01-25T10:16:00.000+08:00

Many a time.. his friends.. seeing him in such agony.. told him.. " forget about her, she is not worth it... " and things like." No matter what happened, u should go on with your life and not dwelling on such things... Its very unhealthy..." although T, had picked herself up to continue with her studies with the help and support of the guy and her friends, K was not to be.. K was still in the dumps. K could not accept the emotional break up of him and T... as they had been together for a long time. K had dreams still... K dreamt that one day, everything will just become normal again....

But all he could do was dream... dream wasn't reality. During the time when K and T broke up, K dreamt of T at least 3 times a week... I guess it is called "day think, night dream" which means if u keep thinking about something in the day.. u will dream of it at night....

K could not pick himself up.. K was weak with his emotions... he lost all meaning in his life. T was the reason why he did everything... T was the support of K.. the morale support and the knowing that T's love is still there for him was his basic need... and he had lost his basic need... K wanted to study... to support her.. K wanted to let T know that there was someone who will take care of her forever... Everytime K went out with T... he never want T to feel poor... although he is only drawing an NSF pay.. he tried to pay for everything if he could.. he thought about the times when he was in JC... K went to take tuition then.... HE could remember a few times when T and him went out and he had to tell T that he had to go for tuition.... And T would wait below the block where K was teaching tuition to wait for him.. It was so touching, so nice, so sweet.

K remembered the times when he and T sneaked out of school ... when they had lessons... It was so exciting to run with T... it isnt the same like skipping school himself... when he knew that T was following him close behind... he felt so happy..a feeling of running away from everything with the one u like...

And why did K take tuition at that time? It was not entirely for himself.... All his tuition money... he didn't mind spending it on T... when K took his pay... he didn't even think one bit when he used it to spend on T... no matter what it is. Every cent spent on T was worth it... Even till now, K feel the same way.. but now... he has upgraded.... Not only monetary concerns would he spent on T... now... every min spent , every hour wasted to make T know that he still loves her is worth it...

But although T had set her priorities in life already, not K. K was still in agony... K was still thinkin about T. T may not have been thinking about K anymore, but K is still there, thinking about T every single night... K couldn't go on... the pain was too much for him to take...

so one night.. he decided to send T an email... He said something like " I cant go on with my life.. can u tell me why? Can u tell me the real reason that u are giving up this relationship? Please provide some answers, If u still want me as a friend... Everyday is like hell for me, please don't make me go through all this and tell me the truth.."but what was the truth? K still didn't know the truth, and that was the biggest joke in the world.

So T didn't bother to reply... and let K waited and waited... Every single day... K checked his email to see whether T replied.. but there was no reply.. T was really cruel, but I guess this is the normal characteristic of a girl who is hurt before.. They have a right to protect themselves. K checked and he checked... but there was never ever going to have another email from T anymore..

In K's agony, he began to like techno and trance.. I don't know why that sort of music is associated with sadness and depression... But it is... It is a way of showing " life sucks " and that is quite true... Army guys go cheong at weekends.. and listen to these... K always liked love songs.. he was a singer.. He joined many competitions before... and always, he sang love songs... he sang sentimental songs... But now, K only listened to techno and trance music...

Why was that so? It was a symbol of sadness. K wished for T to one day call him and say.. " lets not fight anymore.." or he wanted so badly to call T and say.. " I miss u dear... I am sorry that I hurt u.." but he will only say that if he knew WHY... he didn't know why...

Life is often like that.. one thing leads to another... When K and T broke up, K met his friend, who taught him the problems that girls face when their guy is in the army.... And that was how he realises what T was going through... at the same time... When K knew that T had someone else, he realised how impt T was to him.. he realised he could not lose T... T was his everything.

story of -=K=- :: part 42

2006-01-17T13:17:00.000+08:00

But K didn't know. He didn't know that his beloved T was already with someone else... So one night.. when K was in tears again.. he sent 2 msgs to T... he said..

" I don't know what u are doing right now... But I am as usual, thinking of you , just like every other night since u left me.. I miss you T..."

And he said.. " Just want to let u know that I have not stopped loving you since the day we broke up... Its not so easy to forget someone like you.."

But T was already with the other guy... and she didn't remember those sms now.... It had no meaning to her anymore.. But K didn't know. He was in the dark.. he thought to himself.. If T wanted to have fun and wanted to enjoy her life and not wait for me.. its for her own good.. If T wanted to study hard and not think about guys.. its also for her good... and so with that in mind.. K only felt sorrow and could not do anything.. If going back to the relationship is not what T want.. K respected that.

But If the real reason that T didn't want K anymore was because she was giving up on him as he had hurt her, he would not have given T up.. He believed in the wrong reasons.. again and again...Throughout the time that he was sad... he thought that he could do nothing about it.... And that was the most heartbreaking part of it all... K thought about the times when he was dreaming about building a family with T... he thought.. T was studying when he ORDed.. he thought... he would get a stable job.. and start off with his accounting qualifications... he thought how nice it was to one day be able to go to T's school and drive her home...

He dreamt of many things. How he and T will get married once she finished schooling... he remembered the times when T would blush and say she wants to marry K... he remembered the time when T cooked for him before leaving for indonesia.. just like his wife... he dreamt about how T and him will look like when they are older and had kids.. which would look exactly like them... how cute it would have been... he remembered that sms from T... that one which said " must be very cute.." and it reminds him how hopeful T was in their relationship....

But back to reality... he thought that T no longer want all that.. T doesn't want the dreams anymore... Why is he still thinking about it? He thought he was a fool to think about all these, but no.. he wasn't a fool. He was in love... Love is hopeful.. K hoped so much that all these would not just vanish.. he hoped that it will still be there.. K didn't know why he didn't give up.. He didn't know why he kept thinking about all these...

my cattell's 16 factor test results

2006-01-16T03:12:00.000+08:00

Warmth		66%
Intellect		46%
Emotional Stability		46%
Aggressiveness		58%
Liveliness		42%
Dutifulness		78%
Social Assertiveness		46%
Sensitivity		50%
Paranoia		50%
Abstractness		38%
Introversion		54%
Anxiety		58%
Openmindedness		38%
Independence		58%
Perfectionism		58%
Tension		38%

Take Cattell 16 Factor Test (similar to 16pf)
personality tests by similarminds.com

story of -=K=- :: part 41

2006-01-14T04:19:00.000+08:00

And so K became as sad as ever again... each day.. K could do nothing but stone his life away.. K spent his time thinkin and thinking. He sat in his office whole day... he could not work... he affected the mood of his happy office.. he affected the mood of everyone... He was so depressed that everyday he skipped lunch.. he was so sad that he could only eat 2 mouthfuls of food before dumping the rest. He was so hurt that he could only sleep after thinking about T every night. Each passing day made K weaker.. K became so weak and so weak that he had no energy to do anything. Each time K had to do duty, he cried alone at night.. he kept it soft... so that no one could hear her...Each night... he thought of Why Why Why .. and why... why did all that happened...K couldn't accept reality. Somehow he felt that he will never ever forget T in his life. Each day passed and still K thought of T. K couldn't forget her... Every day K went out with a different friend... females.. males... anyone... K went out with anyone. K even went clubbing with an irc friend..... and got drunk.. in the end.. it was her who carried him and pulled him around. He was like a slump... where have u ever seen a guy like that? It was always supposed to be guys taking care of the girls in clubs.

K was no longer the same K that each and every friend knew. K was emotionally weak... he could not harden his heart and say.. " so what if T left me, I can always find someone else better.." just like his friends say. K could only say in his heart.. " why would I want to find someone else better? It is not about any girl who is better or whatever... It is about the person I can really say love now.. and that is T.." One day, K went out with this girl.. she was the most sensible girl that K ever knew.. this girl... this girl taught K about something that he never knew.... Something that was really imporatnt to all guys in army...

she told K.. " the biggest problem that army guys face with their sweethearts was... that they could not understand what their gf is going through outside. . they always think that their Gf is happy and enjoying their lifes... but what they don't know is that there is always stress and homework to cope with.. there is so much the girl has to sacrifice in order to be with the guy. Weekends are spent with their bf, which the guy will think is only right.. but on the side of the girl, they are giving up many many things and many activities or enriching stuff that might benefit themselves.."

When K heard all that... he found that it is really true.. he began to think.. he began to think how T felt.. he began to feel... he began to remember how T felt and how she sounded when she called K after studying... He began to remember how T always spent her weekends with him.. and how he had taken it all for granted... just like what that sensible girl was saying.. when K thought about all that.. he realised.. he realised how much T had sacrificed for him. How did this girl know? It was because this girl had scolded her friend's bf before and told him all that, and it helped the couple to strengthen the relationship.

And Now, K started to think.. he started to hear in his head... how T said.. " can I talk to you for a while? I m really stressed up.." the voices were stirring in his head.. he began to hear.. " can u accompany me to the airport to study? I really want you to be there.." " I need to get back to my books now.... Very stressed.." K heard all these.. in his head.. he began to realise how much t needed someone to help her.. to at least show support and encouragement.. at least show concern for her... K realised how much T was suffering.. at that very moment his friend told him. But it was all fated... If K didn't break up with T, he would never have gone out with that friend of his.. it was because of his break up that made him go out with other girls and other friends. It was because of him going out with them that made him realise what did T went through. If T didn't break up with K, K would never know. But now T had broke up with K, and K finally realised it, K finally knows how it felt.. but it was all too late..

But in her heart. She still loved K.. she sent greetings to K on christmas and new year... but K didn't respond.. she wished him merry christmas... But K never felt one bit of merry during that time... she wished her happy new year... but K didn't felt one bit of happiness.... Every single day that K passed without T was only filled with sadness. But T.. T was feeling loved and cared for.. T could find solace with another person.. T felt the feelings that she had so long not gotten from K...T realised that K was so hopeless.. although K was the one she loved so deeply, in the end, the one that is hurt is her. Why was she so foolish to do everything for K? She thought that she was the silliest person on earth. Many girls are like that... when they have been hurt.. they can no longer show the same level of commitment and the same amount of love. It is only natural that females do that. But T although was not prepared to give , needed concern and love... if the person could give her that... it was enough..

So eventually.. T accepted the new guy....... T decided to give K up... and went with the other guy...The minute she made the choice in her life, everything begin to change again...

final sem in nus

2006-01-14T04:12:00.000+08:00

finally got all my modules, but then i still can file for graduation, coz of my TIP module is not inside the system (i suspect), so got to wait for the lecturer to put it in before i can file... hope that no screw up for this, better not!

so, for this sem...
CS3250 - Management Support System
CS3251 - Technology Strategy & Management
CS3260 - Telecommunication for Business
CS3266 - E-Commerce Technology
MNO1001 - Management & Organization

4 soc modules for my final sem, bad bad planning ya... and i juz realise tat mno is not as easy as i thought... shit...

story of -=K=- :: part 40

2006-01-09T02:49:00.000+08:00

But.. T's scarred heart... still felt for K... she still had love for K.. she still love K. As I have said.. Love is such a wonderful thing when described in that phrase. She had that love.. pure love for K that still made her think of K.. It was K's foolishness that made him not realise that fact.... So one night.. T talked to K online.... That was the last chance that she would have ever given K.. It was her pure love that made her say so much to K.... When K talked to T online.... He had not gotten over T...

It was sometime near christmas...he was still in the dumps. A few weeks has passed.. but K was still wallowing in the mud... But when he saw that T was online.. He tried to talk to her again.. K was very happy to have a chance to talk to her... but he spoilt his own chances again... If only he said what he really felt.. But I guess.. it was not that easy for K to do so... he didn't think that T still love him.

K asked T ... " when did u start to think that I werent meant for you?" in K's head... he thought that T didn't like him anymore... so he asked that question... then T replied.. " recently.." the meaning that K get... and the meaning that T was trying to put across was totally different... K thought" so she gave us up because she didn't want me anymore... I was not meant for her... she changed.. " but T was trying to say.. " I kept giving u chances after chances.. but u didn't change. U said u will but u never did. We are not meant to be together because I have given everything to u , and u didn't gave me anything.." that was what she meant...

K knows it now... but it is only Now that he knew it... then K asked T another question " why cant u commit anymore?" and T said.. " I still want to have fun.. I still want to enjoy myself..." T also said .. " I will not love anyone else.. there will be no future guys.. I will concentrate on my studies..." from these two sentences.. K thought.. " she said she wants to have fun.. which means she doenst want to be stuck with me in army... she wants to enjoy herself... that means she wants to have more choices ... " but when K saw " I will not love anyone else.. and there will be no future guys.." he could not understand it... he didn't believe it.. How was he able to believe all that when T had confirmed that she had wanted to have more fun instead of being stuck with him?

So K said.. " no... u will find someone else... and one day.. u will tell him that u cannot commit as well..." That sentence hurt T again... K didn't believe whatever she said....But if only she knew.. if only she knew that everything she did and said had been misinterpreted...when T said the sentences that she wants to have fun and cant commit... she meant.. " I cant commit anymore... commitment to you is too hurtful... I did so much.. but I didn't get anything in return.. I will no longer dare to commit... why not just have fun and enjoy myself instead of suffering so much in love..." and when she said there would be no future guys and she wants to concentrate on her studies... she really meant it at that time....

But K once again didn't believe her. He didn't believe that she loved him... so he asked her.." if u really love me why do u want to give me up?" then T said.. " I love you.. but I think we will be better off as friends..." no one could ever understand this sentence... only T will... only T knew why... No one who ever heard this sentence knows what it means... neither did K knew... but K know it now... but it is only now that he know it..

At that time.. K thought to himself.. " why is T still trying to lie to me? If she love me.. why cant she commit? Why did she say that she loves me but want to be only friends?" And so K didn't believe T ... although he knew that T had loved him a lot , but when she said that she loved him but only want to be friends, K could not believe the logic behind it... He didn't know that it was him who had hurt T so deeply that made her feel that being in love hurts so much.. might as well be friends... that was the real meaning that T was trying to say... but K didn't know.... So K replied.. " no.. you don't love me... if you love me.. u will be able to commit... if you lov me... u will not want to break up.... So I am going to hide into my shell now.... To avoid all these... it is too painful..." T was sad again... but she still spent her last time typing these..she said.. " I don't know wther u believe me or not.. but I am going to say it.. I still love you.."

But K could take no more of the lameness in her words. How would a girl want to leave him when she loved him? Nobody in this world could understand the logic... Maybe someone can... someone who had learned a lesson before .... Who is K now... finally he can understand the logic now... But once again.. its only Now that he understood....T had been waiting for K to come back to her and change for her... till that day... that was the last time that she wanted to give K his last chance....

story of -=K=- :: part 39

2006-01-06T00:14:00.000+08:00

But even though K felt all these... he didn't change.. he was still the same old K... the same K that treated T in the same way all along... If T had forgiven him that time... I can tell u that K will still be the same person.. he will never change. People never change until something serious happens. For the week after K met T... he was still the same K.. there was no change in him. If T had gone back to him then.. she would stll suffer.. she wll not find real happiness. T was in pain.. she needed to relieve it...

what did K do to relieve his pain? K went to drink... went out with friends.. and spent money... but all to no avail, he still felt as painful as it is... K drinks to feel happy temporarily... but after that, reality still seeks in.... But by the time he realises it, it was too late... he had spent every bit of his money left.

K chatted with many friends... to ease the sadness... K had the same characteristic as T.. they were both dependent and insecure ppl... So K had to depend on his friends to console him.. But the hurt and pain that he had was not that easy for anyone to just say a few words and he would be ok.

K told his friend... one of his guy friends who had a gf just like he and T, he told him" hey, me and T had broken up... I really cannot go on with my life.." and u know what his friend said? His friend said.. " break break lah, hack care lor. What can u do? Find someone else." It was so short, but it meant a lot to K. K thought... what could he do? It was T who didn't want him anymore.. what can he do to change that? T wanted to enjoy herself and not be stuck with me... what can I do to change that?

It became worse for K. K knew that now... he could do nothing and just live with the cruel fact. K didn't know that was all untrue... If he had changed and went to look for T and ask her for her forgiveness.. he would have succeeded. But no, he didn't do that. He thought.. " if it was T who changed heart, no matter what I do... I would never succeed..." and he gave up... K didn't trust that T loved him then. Why would he trust that? No way.. T was the one who didn't want to respond to him anymore... love is very meaningful. K had came across this phrase in the mindef forums.. that say..

" Love is patient.. Love is kind.. It does not envy, it does not brag, it is not proud, it is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hope, always persevere. Love never fails."

K was weak... he is not patient, he is proud, he is rude, he is easily angered, he keeps records of wrongs, and he didn't trust that T loved him. He kept thinking that T didn't want him anymore... he didn't know that he and T had love... K never ever trusted himself that T really loved him with her heart and soul.... He was not fit to say that he love T....

What about T? she was patient with K.. she gave K lots of chances.. she was kind to K... she always tried her best to make K happy... She is not proud, and she would rather herself fail than to break up with K.. so she is not self seeking.. T is not easily angered... Everytime K did something wrong... she would not get angry as often as when T did something wrong... She managed to do many things that fulfiled the phrase... But what did K manage to do? Barely a few. And K still had the cheek to tell her that she don't love him... How that must have felt....

On the side of T, how did she get through the times? She went out.. went out and went out... she spent everyday to go out... she didn't want to stay at home and think about the horrible thing that happened.. T needed someone to take care of her... T needed someone to support her just like K was needing his friends. But no matter how her friends or his friends were there for them, the pain that both of them felt was too deep to be eased simply.

T started to go out with a guy who asked her out... She began to feel loved and cared... she was having those stuff that K never gave her for so long...care, concern, love, support, encouragement... she had all these in her darkest hour.. from this guy..This guy managed to show T that he was the one that could really take care of her... unlike K, who were so lacking in the other areas of love like security, care.. etc.. This person.. had all these... T was happy that there was this person who had all that she needed for so long.. T didn't need hurt, T didn't need pain. T didn't need to suffer for K. T's shattered heart was struggling to live on... She could not love that easily anymore... she didn't want to suffer the feeling of giving and givng and getting nothing in return...

And now.. this person.. was someone who was ready to give ... It is always happier to be loved than love others. T can feel this guy's sincerity and love.. it was just like what she did to K last time... She gave.. and now.. he gave...

story of -=K=- :: part 38

2006-01-04T02:50:00.000+08:00

But K couldn't do anything except doing nothing. Why was that so? It was because he thought that it was T who didn't want him... so he would rather T be happy... why did I say that? Because T said something...

T said.. " I love you, but I think we are better off as friends.." K didn't understand what she meant.. K thought that T meant she will be happier if she is without K, so she would rather give up the relationship...K thought that T wanted to enjoy her life in Uni and not be attached to him... he thought that K didn't want to commit in their relationship anymore... K didn't know that what T meant was ... " its too hurtful to be with you, its better that we be friends.." that was what T meant... but K didn't know .... K didn't didn't didn't know....

So what did K do? K was overwhelmed with sorrow. He could not push himself to live on.. Whenever he goes to a place where he and T went before.. he would see the image of him and T happily going out.... There was this place where they went to eat remember? A pizza hut ... .and now, K had not stepped into that place anymore.. He could no longer do it... Stepping into that place is a heartbreaking feeling.. many Many times K went past that particular shopping mall... And many many times he told himself... No... There is no more T who would go with u ...

K didn't know... K thought... " T didn't want me anymore... I must pick myself up and live on... Isnt this what I expected anyway? That T would leave me when I am in the army.. this is just exactly what happened.... I should be mentally prepared..."

But K wasn't mentally prepared... he had never ever thought that he and T would ever break up.. He thought that T and him could stand the test.... That everyone else failed... But that was what he thought.. it was different from reality. Reality at that time, to him, was that T had forsaken him....

But what was T doing ? T was hurt and sad... Everytime she saw K's sms.. she didn't reply... she could feel that K was still blaming everything on her... but why did she feel that way? Because K didn't know the real reason.. K didn't know that she was so hurt, he tought that she didn't want to commit anymore. But the more she didn't reply, the more K felt that she was really gone forever... the more K wanted to know why, the more T rejected it... T was a girl... a poor hurt girl who had loved and was hurt.

Why would she still have the heart to take anymore of K's accusations? Why would she want to respond to things that K thought it was? No longer did she want to explain and waste time and breath to revive K, as K had hurt her too deeply... So even though she knew that K was suffering badly, she didn't want to do anything anymore... She herself was suffering as well... Man is selfish.... Everyone is. The only one that could give and give whole heartedly without forsaking you is God. T and K are both no God....

T had gave K lots of chances to change... But K didn't do it... whenever he say he will do it.. he will do it for a while.. and after some time.. he will revert back to the old K. his promises to T were always broken.. Each time he break his promise, another nail went into the fence... So at that point of time.. T No longer want to give K anymore chances... Maybe she wanted to , but it had to be K who was the one trying hard, and not she just giving K the chance and not he himself who earned it...So her heart was charred, blistered, sore, hurt, ravaged, broken, split, shattered, cracked, scarred and nailed ... but it was not dead.. Her love for K... made her heart live on....

But as each passing day passed, as each sorrowful night went by... her heart became harder and harder.... It was deterioating by the day....

T had just finished her exams... and she wanted to enjoy herself. Her exams were so horrid that she was rejecting it all the way... and what made it worse was what happened.... IT was really really too much for her to take. No amount of words can describe what T went through... But K didn't know it... K was totally in the wrong direction..... He believed in the wrong thing...

And K..what did he do? He tried his best to communicate with T.. but all he did was ask this.. ask that... he kept asking why... every sms he sent, it was not to tell T that he is sorry.. it was not to tell T that he is in the wrong... It was to ask T why did she didn't want to commit anymore... Every thing he did, he had the mindset that T didn't want him, and not he had hurt T too much... and so when T didn't reply him.. he grew even more sad and hurt.. he didn't have a good time at all...

Remember the bubble Tea stall that K and T frequent? When he walks past there... he could C he and T sitting there.. just like before... he remembers the time when he and T were sitting there and studying for their A levels.. he remember the times when he and T woke up early to meet there to have breakfast... T would come all the way... from her house to the stall... just to have breakfast with K... heartwarmingly... all these images flashed into his head... there was once when they even waited for the stall to open... they had came too early...

Both K and T loved the food and drinks there... they have spent a lot... that bubble tea stall had a certain noodle.... And whenever K eats this noodles... T would say.. " I know how to cook it too.." and K would always tease T.. saying.." haHa, the one u cook surely cannot make it" although K said that... he really wanted T to cook it for him... T would always say.. " hmph, u dunwan to eat then dun cook for u liao..." So many times did T said she knew how to cook.... But because she had a hectic schedule.. there was no way she could spend time to cook for K... and the only time when she was free... that was after her exams... and such a terrible thing happened.... How she must have felt...

She wanted to do so many things after her exams ... she wanted to cook for K... But now, there was no longer any chance for K to eat the noodles anymore... Neither would he go to the bubble tea stall to eat the noodles there.. It would never taste the same without T. T was all K wanted in his life... and he had lost T... If he could eat the noodles that T promised to cook for him now, he would rather not have any other things to eat for the rest of his life, except T's noodles.

T had many things to do too after exams. She wanted to watch movies with K...spend more time with K.... and look for K more often.... And do the things she had promised him to do when she has time.... After K got his computer.. he downloaded a lot of movies... All the movies T wanted to watch but had no time, K downloaded them.... K didn't watch it himself.. he was waiting for T to watch it with him, but T never had the time to do it.... K wanted so much for T to have time to watch it with him, and so he kept them in his computer and never deleted them... But the terrible incident happened... and T would not watch those movies with K again...

Even till now.. the movies are still inside K's computer... he will never ever delete them.. with the hope that T will watch them with him one day...

on xiaxue's entry on ny eve

2006-01-02T03:15:00.000+08:00

yes... i read xiaxue's blog too... but her entry on the war zone at orchard rd makes me feel how 'safe' singapore is sometimes, there's no one to control the situation when there suppose to be neccessary. and its already not the 1st time... where are they?

hence, it prompts my comment on her blog:

everytime i am over orchard rd during xmas eve or ny eve, i always have 1 very big question - where is the police?
i am rather fortunate not in orchard rd this holiday, instead, i am over tsim sha tsui & mongkok(hong kong, which is). u expect more hovac and messy hk will be rite? nope... i actually feel more safe there. y? because there are so many policemen/women around, 2 pair of them every few meters, patrol van with police on top to monitor the situation every 200m. the main roads are closed to facilitate movement of human traffic... i can assure u there r 10 times (at least) more ppl over the area than our tiny orchard rd, but man, wtf, i feel bloody safe... maybe tats the difference in how different places dealing with this situation i suppose...

story of -=K=- :: part 37

2005-12-27T18:00:00.000+08:00

If only K had asked T why.... But T, on the other hand, had tried to get it across to K many times that it was him who had made her feel hurt.... But she didn't have any heart to heart talk with K... she had no more feeling to do it... when a girl is too deeply hurt... why would she do that? She wuld just climb into her shell and not come out... that is the characteristic of a hurt girl.

But K? he didn't know at all... he could only feel T's coldness, T's hard heartedness.. T's everything made him feel that she didn't want him anymore...that day when he sent T home... he walked the slowest speed ever in his life... K was always a fast walker... he gave every1 the impression that he was in a hurry everytime.. but that day, he walked really really slowly... one reason was that he knew he will have no more chance to walk T home any longer.. and the other reason was he was really sad that T didn't want him anymore... It was that bad... even at that time... K was still trying to tell T that it was her fault that made him say break up... it never ever occurred to him that how hurtful those words are... In his mind... the words doesn't mean anything because he never meant it when he said it.... But T was hurt by the exact same words that K didn't mean to say. Why did things end up like that? It was because K and T didn't communicate at all.... There was no line of communication between them since K got his new computer....

Before K went home... he asked T to do a simple thing... he asked her.. " can we sms chat when I go home from here? The journey is very far... It was a request from K... And it meant everything to K.. K wanted to see if T still cared about him... But fate made fun of T and K again... After sending one sms to T... K waited very very long.. before he got the reply... K was really sad when he was going home.. it was heartbreaking to know that his final request which means everything to him had not been fulfilled...

Sadly.. he told himself.. " T doenst care about you anymore.... She no longer feels that u are lonely on your long jounrney home...." So when he reached home.. K was a sad K... he went to his room.. and started to think about everything... he thought... " just as I expected.. T didn't want him anymore.. she no longer wants this relationship..."

But still.. he had a hope.... So he called T... and asked.. " y didn't u want to sms chat and accompany me home???" then T said.. " her best friend called.. and that's why she forgot..." the timing was really accurate . just when T reached home... and just when K needed T to show him that she still cares... her best friend called... K was really hurt.. he was really sure that T no longer loved him anymore... if she did.. she would have accompanied him on the way home.. At that point of time... K made up his mind... he told himself... " T doenst want me anymore... I cant do anything about it... its not what I can help..." and so K became passive from that day on....

He began to wallow in self pity... he drank ... and he spent money like water... he had saved some money since he enlisted... and that time... he didn't feel anything anymore... he went to pubs.. he drank.. and he drank... he got drunk sometimes... and felt temporary high a few times.... What was all that for? It was to forget about T... K was never a cheonger although his friends asked him to go everytime.. K never drank more than 2 cups of alcohol... but not anymore.. K became mad... and crazy... he drank as much as he could... he spent as much as he can.... He literally used all his money in his bank... When K was like that... everyone felt really sad for him... Everyone gave him support and encouragement... But they were all temporary...

When K was alone waiting to sleep at night, he couldn't help himself but think of T... how much he missed T then... he stopped playing games... he only played games to immune himself to everything else... Every night as he lay on his bed... tears came to his eyes... K went through a lot... being out of love. His health problems came back to plague him..

Each sleep didn't rest, Each coffee has lost it taste... Each scent had lost their smell... Every meal didn't fill, Every drink didn't quench... Every game wasn't exciting anymore. Every show lost its meaning, every min without T's love was sorrow.. Each passing day was just hell for K...

Merry X'mas!!

2005-12-25T00:41:00.000+08:00

Have a happy & safe Christmas ya! =)

story of -=K=- :: part 36

2005-12-24T00:15:00.000+08:00

And so... a week passed... it was K's birthday.. K's birthday was in the middle of his exams.... That day.. all he wanted was to see T... but he didn't call t... he missed T dearly... but he didn't tell her that... each day that T didn't contact K, K missed her so much. It was his birthday... and there was no T... at this time.. K received an sms from his mutual friend of K and T... which says.. " happy birhtday!!!, enjoy your birthday With T!!" K didn't reply... how was he suppose to enjoy his birthday with T? When K got the sms... he felt like crying... in his heart... he thought that T didn't want him any more... how was he supposed to do anything to get her back? That was the first week.. and it was the worst time of his life....but on K's birthday.. K called T... he thought that T will not pick up the phone like she didn't for the entire week... but she did... she was really calm when she did that.

K asked T.. " do u remember that its my birthday today?" K still hoped that he could meet T.... T replied.. " of course I remember its your birthday... can I meet u to pass u my gift?" K was touched.. K didn't think that T would have a present for her... everytime T gave K a present.. it had lots of meaning....

Her first kiss... it meant a lot to her... it was a symbol of love and innocence..... A pillow... for K and her to lie on.... And to make K think of T whenever he sleeps... A sofa set with a heart on it... made with love... to touch K......Hand made bands when she was in indonesia... to show how much she misses K....

But guess what T gave K this time? It was the saddest gift that K had gotten from T... It was a optical sensor mouse... It had a lot of meaning too.... It had so much meaning that when K saw it... He felt like crying... As I type this story.... I cant help but feel that the optical sensor mouse is what T is trying to tell K what she feels....that K liked his computer more than anything else... and he would be happier to receive that present instead of all the meaningful gifts that she had gave K before....

That day, K spoke to T... he felt that T really changed... T was no longer the old T that gave in everytime.. T had hardened her heart... But K didn't know why... K didn't know what did he do that made T became like that... how was he to know? Every time he smsed her.. she didn't reply... At that time he couldn't think of anything else except that T wanted to gave up that relationship...that day... K hugged t... but the feeling was not the same any more.. T was cold and hard hearted... How sad was K that day... he thought that T had a change of heart... It was the saddest birthday he had ever lived in his 19 yrs.

story of -=K=- :: part 35

2005-12-22T04:42:00.000+08:00

That fateful day was on 2nd december.... And the next day was the 3rd.... Remember that T and K always made it a point to spend the 3rd together? That day... K thought that T would remember it was the third... and so he hoped that T would apologize that she was wrong in forgetting about telling K that she was safe... But no... that was all a mistake.... How would T ever apologize when K had said he wanted to break up, and even said it twice? Everythng that K said in anger was meaningless to him, he himself didn't even remember that he said it twice. He didn't rememeber that T called him another time to ask him if he really wanted to break up, and he didn't remember that he had said it twice to confirm it. It was only now that he remembered tht he had said it twice.

Why do I say that K didn't meant it? It was because if he really meant it, how could he forget that he said it twice? It is really ironic that he could say it twice and didn't meant it. So the 3rd came... and T didn't call or sms K... She was very hurt by K... K waited.. and waited... he hoped for T to come and look for him.. but why would T ever do that? K was the one that wanted to break up with T, not the other way round, so why would T ever go and look for K? it was really funny. K expects T to look for him when he said break up.

In his heart... he never meant to break up... but T didn't know it... T wasn't a heart reader... If T knew exactly what K meant... when K said " yes I want to break up with u because u didn't even believe that I cared and worried for you", she would have interpreted it as " I want to say break up because I am hurt that u didn't believe that I cared and worried for the one I love, I want to let u know how much I care for you, and I was really anxious about you last night..." that was K's real intentions.... But T didn't know... how would she know? No one told her. Neither did K told her.

So when K smsed T that day... T didn't feel anything anymore... she just felt that K was being mad, it was K who didn't want her, and now K is expecting her to come and look for her. What a joke it must have been....

That was the worse time of K's life. K didn't know how much T meant to him... K knew that he loved T.. but what he doesn't know.. is how much he meant to T. K meant everything to T. T had put in so much into the relationship and even planned to marry K, but what she got in return was hurt and sadness. What she got in return was K's evil mouth.. harsh words... and biting nails... But K still was kept in the dark... he didn't know why T didn't want to see him anymore... He was in the dark...

And why did I say it was the worst time of K's life? Cos K has got his exams on the 6, 7 and 10 of december, which was drawing near with every second. But every second passed, and all he could do is to think of T. To K, he felt really puzzled.. he didn't know that T had been so hurt by him. He didn't meant to say break up... so he didn't think that those words are the reason why T no longer wanted to see him.... He thought that T didn't want him anymore because he was no longer part of her life... that was what he thought... but it was all wrong. It is a tragedy that he had thought that way.

For the week that K was going to take his exams, he couldn't sleep every night... he could not take it... he didn't understand why... he kept asking himself why... and as the exams date drew near... K felt very very pressurized... he didn't know how to cope with his books... he stared at a page for a few hours.. and all he could think of is why T didn't want him anymore... Little did he know that T was too hurt by him... he didn't know all that.... No one told him too.. just like no one told T that K didn't mean it ... on the day before his exams...

K msged T... " why did u have to do this to me? I cannot study aynmore because of you..." K thought that T was the one who forsaked him... He thought that T was using him as an excuse to break up.... Just because he said break up, that means that T had a reason to break up with him.. that was what he thought... but no... that was all wrong... T never ever wanted to break up with K.

Despite K's weaknesses... T knew that she loved K dearly... and she knew that K loved her deeply too. Despite K's hurting her one time after another, she could live with it... she could do it.. she could sacrifice for K. K knew that T sacrificed a lot for him... but this time... he couldn't see why T didn't bother to contact him anymore.. K was a loser... he lost his studies and his love.... He lost everything...

story of -=K=- :: part 34

2005-12-16T04:45:00.000+08:00

Poor T... why was she suffering all these? Why was that so? Why did K made her suffer like that? K never meant to make her suffer one bit... K would rather suffer for her.... But why did everything happened? Not one time did K meant all the hurt that he had caused T... K was not like that... K was never like that. K often said things in anger... and often regret it after that... but this was the last straw that T could take... No matter what K did, she always accepted it.. no matter what K said.. she endured it.. and accepted the hurt... but this time.. it was the last straw...

But all these time... K didn't know that T was so badly hurt.... He thought that T knew that he didn't meant it... he thought that T had beared his words in mind... he would always say things that he don't mean when he was angry.... But that is no excuse for K... there is no excuse... it was just like the email story... When u say things in anger... it drives a nail into the fence.. no matter u mean it or not... the nail still hurt the fence... if you don't mean it, don't say it, and the nail will never hurt the fence... K is just like someone who drives nails into fences without thinking that it would make a hole in it... he thought that.. as long as the person who drives the nails into the fence didn't do it on purpose, there would be no hole left on the fence... but no.. it was all wrong... Once the nail is driven in... there would be a permanent scar, and it will not help even if you didn't mean to knock a nail into the fence.

story of -=K=- :: part 33

2005-12-11T20:31:00.000+08:00

But that night.. K smsed T... he said.. "would u forget about me when u reached the chalet?" but T said " no I would not forget u dear..." What K really meant when he asked that.. was he was asking for her to tell him that she had reached the place safely.... But T interpreted it as K didn't trust her... It was total miscommunication... When K smsed T.. it was about 9 pm... and after that... there was no more reply from T... he waited.. waited for T to tell him that she had reached safely... but no.. T didn't do that... The moment T reached the chalet.. she forgot totally that K was waitin for her to sms him... when the time reached 11 pm.. K was getting worried....

Every night, K didn't call T... it was because T was at home... there was no excuse for K in not calling T anymore.. but that day, T wasn't at home.. and therefore.. K was worried.. he was afraid something might have happened to T... and so he called her on her hp... but the hp was not on.. it was scary for K... suddenly after smsing T.. there was no more reply. On T's side, the moment she reached the chalet, she left her hp some place... there was no reception at that chalet... and so T didn't realise that K couldn't get her. But on K's side, he felt very anxious. He had no idea where was the place, and had no idea why T offed her hp... he knew that T had went home to charge her phone. So it wasn't possible that there was no battery... K got worried by the minute.... When the time reached 1 am.. K was already very very anxious.... K thought to himself.." there is no way that T had no battery... maybe she had no reception.. but even if there is no reception... there wuld be reception at some time..." so K panicked. He was afraid that something might happen to T.. he pondered about everything that might happen... " T met with an accident and her phone dropped?" " T got her phone stolen?" " T's phone was spoilt"

If T's phone was spoilt, she would have told K.... so that leaves only a few options.. which was T had forgotten that K was waiting for her to tell him that she had reached the place safely.... Or that T had met with an accident.... Both would hurt K very very much... but K didn't think that T would forget to tell him that she has reached the place... so K kept thinking that something must have happened to T... K was really worried... But T didn't know... K was anxious.. but T didn't know..the feeling was just like K didn't know that T was crying the other time.... K didn't want anything to happen to his dear T... K couldn't sleep.. he was fidgeting in his bed... eventually.. K didn't know what to do... something told him that he was worrying for nothing.. T just enjoyed herself and forgot about K...

The next morning came... and K was awake at 6 am. He was still very worried.. so he wanted to call T's family. He picked up the phone... but decided not to as it was too early... he thought tht if something happened to T... T's classmates would have told hr family... so the only ppl that will know whether T I in trouble... is her family....So K thought to contact her family as early as he can.... K waited... he waited till it was 7 am before hecalled her family.... At this time.. K hoped that t was ok.... He hoped that nothing hadhappend... so he asked her brother who picked up the phone did u all reciee any call from T last night?? And her brother said... no... T is in chalet.. K heaved a sigh of relief. K was happy that T was safe... in fact, he felt at that time if something happened to T, he wouldn't know what to do at all... it was really scary if somethin really happened to T.... all the worry that K had was uncalled for....So he put them all aside.... And went back to sleep..

Finally , at 11 am, T called.. K was still sleeping... but when he knew it was T who called, he jumped out of bed... he told T... " why didn't u call me last night? Why did u off your handphne? Why didn't u try to contact me? Did u know how worried I was? Do u know I couldn't sleep for the night?" As much as K is worried, he often showed his concern with harshness.... In his heart, he truly was worried... but his mouth, although conveying the same message to T, made T felt 10 times as hurt.... T couldn't sense that K was worried for her.... All the times that K hurt T, he had never meant to... he didn't filter his words... his words were harsh but his heart was pure. K literally shouted at T.... he was mean to her again.... T tried to say that there was no reception.. and she forgot about it.. she enjoyed herself thoroughly... and that was why she forgot to tell K that she had reached the place safely... K said.." how do I know where u were? How was I supposed to find you if u really had some mishaps? Wht can I do when u are so unconcerned about my concern towards you? " K's words were really sharp and thrusting like knifes... they were flying everywhere.... Hitting T's wounded heart....

T didn't know what to say... she just kept quiet... she didn't think that it was her fault... as every night.. K no longer bothered to call her... and now she is not at home.. and K called her... she didn't believe that K was truly worried for her... she thought that K was just jealous..... T, wanted to meet K that day... T wanted to go and look for K and spend sometime with him after spending so much time with her friends.... But K refused. Although K wanted so much to see T after her exams, he refused. His mouth did injustice to his heart again....

As he scolded T ... he said the word again... that really shattered T's heart this time... he said.." If u cant even believe that I am worried for you.... Then lets break up.... There is no point in worrying for you and u don't even know it... there is no point in calling your house.... Checking to make sure that u are alright so early in the morning, and finding out that nothing has happened and what really happened was that u forgot about me just as I expected u will...."

K meant to say that he had been worried and disappointed that T didn't feel it... K meant to show that he cared... but when he said break up.... Everything else didn't get across to T anymore... T's heart was shattered. It was the final blow... she could no longer take it... even till now... K doesn't know whether T knows that he really was worried that time.... It was something that T doesn't believe that time.... K's heart was always pure... but his mouth is not...

After K said break up.. he slammed down the phone.... And hope that T would understand his intentions.... But not this time.. T didn't understand anything anymore... she had just finished her exams... and that was the worst thing that could have happened to her....K understands how she feels at that time now.... How hurtful... to have an earnest heart to want to meet your boyfriend... and before u know it... before u can fully understand his situation.... The words " breaking up" sprang into her face... it was too hurtful.... Never should a girl go through all this...

But if only she knew.. if only she knew that K didn't mean it... K had always told T... " if I had said something hurtful.. please do not take it to be true... when I am angry... never one word that comes out of my mouth is true... please bear that in mind... " but how was T to know that K wasn't speaking the truth???? But T, I think T remembered this sentence.. which made her call K again...... but alas... K was still angry when T called him.... T asked.. " do u really want to break up with me" and K... in his heart... wanted to say " no... I just wanted to let u know that I really care.. and feel hurt that u don't believe that I do care... why would I ever want to break up with you , the one that I love most?" but instead.. he said... with hard heartedness... " yes. You don't care about how I felt last night... and don't even feel that I cared and worried... whats the point of worrying for you?" T ... at this point of time... was really really hurt... she could no longer bear to speak one more word.... She put down the phone... and burst into tears...

story of -=K=- :: part 32

2005-12-09T00:19:00.000+08:00

There was one rare time.. when K made T happy... It was another time... when T was going to school to study at night overnight. K bought something for T... T loved a certain brand of sweets that had many different colors in it. So that day... when T was going to school, K was unlucky to be on mobilization manning... which meant that he couldn't go to her school to be with her. Everything seemed planned out by Fate... the one who made them and broke them. T didn't spent time in school overnights.. but just that very time she wanted to go, K's camp was on mobilization, and K couldn't risk going there as his camp and her school were 2 hours apart in terms of journey time... It was all fated.

But although K could not go to her school with T... he bought the very sweets that T loved... he bought them... and gave them to T on Saturday... although it was only a small gesture... T was very happy... how did K know? Because that night.. when T was studying in school.. K asked T... " how dear, did u eat the sweeties I give u?" and T replied.. " no..." then K asked.. " why not? U didn't like it?" and T replied.. " no... I bu she de chi.... ( which means she could not bear to eat them..." then K asked her.. " why u bu she de chi leh? I buy for u hope that it will keep u awake.. " the sweets were good at keeping pple awake as it was a little sour... and then T started to say.. " whenever u give me something, I feel very happy.. no matter how small or cheap the thing is.. I still like it a lot.. " and that touched K... K bought the sweets as a small gesture to keep her awake.. and T appreciated it... but the things that T did for K... he never appreciates it...

So the time came... for T and K to take their exams.. remember that K is studying too? All along.. K was very confident in that field of study he is in... Remember the bubble tea stall that I talked about? T and K still go there... Previously.. they had always gone there for studying... but after the A levels... T and K still go there... to eat.. and drink... that was just like their very own "lao di fang", which means same old meeting place.

They spent so much time there.. and now when K and T were about to take their exams, they go there a few times too.. Many times when T needed someone to study with her... she hoped for K to accompany her... she hoped that K could just be there for her while she studies...but she is not that selfish... when she ask K to study with her, she knows that K's weekends are very valuable and she didn't want K to spend a weekend just studying with her if he didn't feel like it... T was that considerate for K... K didn't like studying... and as he was very confident... he didn't see the need to prepare for his exams.

Whenever K and T went to study together, K was always the one that wanted to leave. K wasn't considerate enough to understand that T needs him to be with her ... T felt so stressed up.. T could not take it studying alone by herself... maybe she can take it.. but she would be happier to know that K was beside her.. there was once that K and T met at the airport to study... and when 6 pm reaches, K told T that he had enough... he wanted to go home soon... then he left... and left T there.... He told T to meet her for dinner after she finishes studying... at their own "lao di fang". That was one time when K couldn't sacrifice his weekend studying with K. K didn't do it. K only knows that his weekend is precious, he didn't think that his presence was even more precious for T..

now that when K walks past the place now... he don't feel like walking into the place anymore... When he sees the chairs, tables and the stall owner at the shop now.. he didn't know what to do... he just hated to walk past there now.... Whenever he goes near that place.. he will start thinking about those happy times spent with T... Never will T n K go there together anymore...That was in october... october 2001....

T heart is filled with holes by October 2001... and K still didn't know anything... All that they went through, K didn't think that it would be serious... he never thought that T would give up their relationship... He thought that their love could withstand anything.. but let me tell you... no matter how strong the love is... there is also other things.. like security.. concern... care... support.. encouragement...money..( not that impt for some ppl , but very impt for others ) T didn't need anything much... she needed... care and concern.. and love.. that was her basic needs... K remembers when he was in P tekong... Man basic needs are : food air and S**... but for K.. his basic needs... is.. T, T and T.... T was the reason that motivates him on everyday.. T was the reason that gave him aim in life... He may seem like an unfilial son, but apart from his parents... T was the only other thing closer to him. One fine night.. K's dad told him... " don't take T for granted, she is not obliged to wait for you when are in the army " K took this sentence negatively.. he interpret it as... " T will leave u anytime when u are in the army" K didn't realise that what his dad said was really going to mean a lot for him...... finally .. the day came for T to finish her exams... the minute T finished her exams.. she planned lots of activities... she went over night to her friends place.. and after that she got a chalet... if only she didn't go to the chalet... because it was the final nail that plunged into her heart..

When T told K that she was going to her friends house to stay, K once again felt jealous... K wasn't jealous of anything, he was purely jealous over the fact that T always spends nights with her friends and not with her... That was a main concern.. he didn't understand why T could not lie to her parents and spend a night with him when she herself wanted to also.... So once again.. K was unhappy... but as this wasn't the first time.. it wasn't that bad.. K took it easy... but the next day, T was not going to be home again... all these times.. K and T still talked every night.. But it was no longer K and T taking turns or calling each other... it was T who called K and not K who called T. T felt that K no longer cared for her... he was more interested in his games.. but K still felt for T... he was blinded by games. He had become a no life freak..

slow of me

2005-12-05T18:11:00.000+08:00

sorry for a bit late in delivering the post of K's story... have been playing games, watching anime and slacking around too often... hehe... exam over mah, must relax... flying off the hk next thurs, but i will bring my lappy along too, so dun worry, the story will still be updated! =)

will post some photo of my hk home's dog when i meet him for the 1st time soon...

story of -=K=- :: post 31

2005-12-05T18:09:00.000+08:00

That night... they talked online... it was till then did K found out that T wanted to bring food down to the beach and enjoy a night with K... but she said.. " U looked so keen to eat the steamboat." And K said.. " I thought u didn't want me to bring u to the beach..." Although this was only a small incident..it shows two things.. it shows that T n K loved each other a lot... but it also showed that... they had a communication problem .... The communication problem between them has surfaced...

Many times K told T about his problems in Ns... but T could do nothing about it.. many times T told K about the problems in school.. neither could T do anything about it... they had their own problems.. and they both need someone to be there for them... but neither could be there for each other... Both T and K was insecure and dependent souls... K was independent when it comes to takin care of himself and living on.. but he was emotionally dependent... So was T... T was an insecure and dependent girl... So both of them didn't cope well with their lives... Many a time.. T called K to confide in him... and many
times.. K was too tired... many a time.. K smsed T when she was in school... and many times T replied very very slowly... there was one incident.. which made T sad again...

Once.. K wanted to go to T's school to pick her up... But he wanted to talk to T as he was going there. He tried to call T many times.. but T didn't pick up his call... the night before, K had told T... if I ever called you tomorrow, please come out to pick up my call... He expects T to come out from her lesson to pick up his call... which was rather silly. Why cant he just wait for T to finish? But at that time, K felt that way.. he felt that T should do that... so when he cant find his way up her school, he called her.. time after time.. but she just didn't pick up.... She even rejected his call.... So K waited and waited and called and called while waiting.... Finally.. T came out of the lecture theatre... what did she c but K's angry face again... K had went all the way to T's school... from his workplace.. which was about 2 hrs time... but he din make his effort to make T touched..

When he saw T.. The first thing that he said was.. " why did u not pick up my call?" And then they argued and both of them got angry... in the end... K walked away just like that... he walked out of the school... alone... and didn't speak a word to T when T reached the bus stop later. T was sad and silent at the bus stop, K was angry and silent. When K and T reached the mrt, K decided to just walk fast and dump T behind. It was really silly.. he had gone all the way to look for T.. and he is just walking away like that... when he thinks about it now... he was really an idiot.

In the end.. K went to an arcade to play all by himself.... K didn't like going to arcades.. but at that time.. he just did it... But T was forgiving... T didn't want K to waste her efforts.. so she went to look for K... she knew exactly where K was... She knew K only too well... But once again... another nail had been hammered into her heart.... The situation was... just like the time when T made dinner for K... K didn't appreciate it because it was late... This time... T didn't appreciate it because K was angry..(K's point of view)

When K thinks about all these now.. he is filled with regrets... why was T always sad? Why did he often do things to hurt T when she is the one that he loves so much? This is really lame... If time could be reversed , K would have done many things differently. K was a fool to have treated T like that... K didn't show T that he really loved her and cared for her.. he only showed her anger, distrust, pain, and unhappiness when what he had was love, care, devotion and happiness. He hurt T unknowingly and bluntly... there is no excuse for hurting T, but if K said what he really wanted everytime he met a situation... T wouldn't have had so many holes in her heart.... Maybe 1 or 2 small ones... haha........ I din mean to laugh.... I am laughing out of sadness.

story of -=K=- :: post 30

2005-12-05T18:08:00.000+08:00

But K truly loved T. His actions were all because he was immatured... and didn't try to understand what T was going through. So one fine day... he asked T to go some place they have never gone before... and it was east coast park... Although K and T had been together for a long time... there are still lots of things they havent done... like going to a park together... K and T are not nature lovers... that could be a reason why... but anyway.. they had never gone to a park together.. so that night.. K told T.. let me bring u somewhere... I know u will like it.... And so K asked T to wait at a certain mrt station... When K refused to say where he was bringing T, T guessed it all out... How did T know? I don't know how did she know.. but I guess she knows exactly what is on K's mind ever since they were together....

So that was why T knew where K wanted to bring her to....But that day... as they were approaching east coast park... T suddenly said.. " Why u want to bring me there? " K said... " I have never brought u there before.. so that is why I am bringing u there now... " T passed a remark.. that made K change his mind... T said.. " Or u want to bring me just like u brought ur ex gf last time?" K suddenly remembered how he had told T that he had brought X to the beach once.. and it was a very memorable day.... Although at that time K had forgotten about it... T remembered it.. and when she said something like that.. K became sad.. he thought that T didn't want him to bring her to the beach..so he saw a steamboat buffet... and asked T whether she would like to eat a steamboat diner instead of taking away food from macdonalds and eating by the beach... T was indecisive... but in her heart.. what she really wants is to go down to the beach with K...but fate made fun of them this time.... T thought that K really wanted to eat the steamboat... so she said... anythin is fine.. with me.... K thought that T didn't want to go with him to the beach... and T thought that K wanted to eat steamboat... it was very sad... in the end.. both of them ate the steamboat and didn't enjoy a bit of it... it was expensive and the food sucked... But both of them were happy... as they thought that eatin steamboat was what the other party wants.... T and K loved each other.. and that was why.. they gave in that day.. both of them thought they were giving in..but the sad reality was... both of them wanted to go down to the beach....

story of -=K=- :: part 29

2005-11-29T22:54:00.000+08:00

There was an incident.. which made K really angry with T again.. K was a guy who only know how to get angry with T... but for this incident... It wasn't anybody's fault at all.. K took leave again to go out with T.. naturally no NSF would want their leave to be wasted... but that day.. T told K... that she cant confirm with him what time would she finish her project... after that.. T would go and look for K ... So K waited at home... He saw T online.. and msged her... " what time will u be coming" And it was about 12 noon... and T keep saying " soon " " soon " .... But T didn't come "soon".. she took a long long time... every now and then.. k would ask her what time will she finish doing the project... and everytime he asked.. T would say soon...

K couldn't understand why T took so long.. although he knows that T had a project, he didn't want to waste his leave just waiting like that... it was really sad to know that ur precious leave is wasted, I am sure everyone knows that...But T felt really pressured... she needed to finish it as fast as she can.. but projects... is not under the control of T alone, there were other members too...

So K got frustrated by the hour... each passing hour makes K felt even more frustrated. Each time T said soon.. he felt like he was being cheated... finally... at 7 pm.. T called K... and guess what she said? She said " do u want to come down to my school and join me and my friends for pool? We are going to play pool now..." Anyone can feel K's frustration? K didn't want to play pool with T or her friends. K didn't want to go out with any other pple. K only wanted T to spend time with him, and now T , who had promised to come over to look for him, asked him to join her friends for pool instead... " what a joke " k thought in his head.. how can T treat him like this.. he thought....

So K got angry.. and said, " forget it, don't meet, u go with them" this abrupt sentence made T feel that K was angry, and so she said... " if u are angry, I meet u only, don't go with them " .. but K, although he wanted so much to meet T when he took leave, decided that T would be happier if she goes out with her friends instead... but instead of saying what he feels... he said.. " go with them, u never wanted to meet me anyway. U made me wait 7 hrs for you, and now u ask me to go and play pool with u and your friends, what a big joke. U like to go with them, then u go with them, dun ask me to come." And he put down the phone...

At that time, K didn't know what T was thinking. Surely she understands that K took leave to go out with her? Surely she knows that K didn't want anyone else togo out with them... Surely she knows that he will be angry when she ask that he go play pool with her friends? Till now... T didn't say why... But K guessed its because she was too tired and wanted to enjoy herself with her friends instead of coming to look for K as it was late. "She don't care about me anymore.. " K thought in his head... That incident made K feel that T had changed...

But in fact... it was K who neglected T first... but at that point of time,.. K didn't know that... he didn't know that T did was a result of what he did.. he was the cause of it all.... That moment was a turning pt in their lives... T was feeling really really tired already...That night.. K waited for T to come home... he wanted to C how late T came home... because T didn't want to look for him because it was late...

in the end.. T came home quite late... and he said..." if u can come home so late... and u didn't want to come and look for me... it is not an excuse.." or something like that. He blamed T for not coming... and T asked him " I thought u asked me to go with them?" I don't know why K said that... but he wanted to say.. " please do not go with them... I have been waiting for u dear..." that was what he wanted to say... but I guess... K's mouth n K's heart are really two separate entities....

story of -=K=- :: part 28

2005-11-29T03:18:00.000+08:00

K was a social symbol. He had many many friends from all different walks of life. He had many close friends.. about 20 of them whom felt that K was their very close friend. But, at that time when K was crazy over games.. he neglected all his friends. K didn't start becoming crazy over games just when he bought a computer, he was all along crazy with games... But it was because of his new computer, a super top range pc for gaming that made him so occupied. He didn't meet his friends that often.

He didn't talk to T as long as he did before.. It was really sad now when he thinks of it then... How the h*** did he became so lifeless? To this day, K realises it.. How much precious time did he spend on games.. .n how much he had lost because of it. T became really sad that the loved one she had loved so dearly was in love with something that is dead... a computer. Many a time when T went to look for K... K was on his computer... he prefered to play games instead of talking to T... Now he knows how T felt... T went to take a 1.5 hrs jounrey... just to c K playing on his computer.... How heartbreaking that must have felt....

On K's side.. he didn't know that he had neglected T so badly then... he didn't know that T needed his every ounce of support... T was badly coping with schoolwork.. and K was madly banging on his games... It was a sad sight. But K realised that T is no longer the same T.... so one night.. he asked T a few questions.... He said ... " I think we are drifting further and further apart... I think you need to do something.... Haha.." he said it jokingly... when he said that T need to do something...

But he knows that it takes 2 pple to revive a relationship that has gone awry. Never did K try to understand what T is goin through, he just felt that T was enjoying her life in Uni... and therfore hoped for her to do something just like she always did... But T was already very tired... she had to face school, and still keep giving into the relationship.. T, no matter how great she is, is stilll human.. and human will feeltired... she has become really tired of giving and giving...

So she said.." I know we are drifting apart... but I really have no choice.. every time I am free , u are not... everytime u are free.. I am not... it is not by choice that I m studying so hard... I cannot afford to fail... " T was a sensible girl...but for K.. she didn't gave up... she stills loves K .. and didn't want to give up the relationship so easily...That night... K asked T a question... K asked her.. " is your studies really so important? Let me ask a
question... if u had 2 choices.. one is to fail your exams and retain once... and be with me... and the other choice is u pass your exams and not be with me.. what would be your choice?" K knew that it is a difficult choice to make... But still he asked T... and hoped that T would choose the first option.... T didn't answer the question ... T asked K a question.. " will u take care of me if I fail?" and K said.. "of course I will take care of you..." And T said... " I don't know if you will believe me.. but I would rather fail and be with you if you will take care of me.."

That was very touching to K... No matter how bad their relationship is heading to, K and T still loved each other deeply.... K was touched... he was really touched to hear that... but he said.. " I don't believe it.. u serious?" or something ilke that... K always made it seem that he didn't trust her.

Deep inside, he knew that T was serious... why would she lie? But K's mouth was cursed... he often said the wrong things he didn't mean.... But now... he changed... he spoke with his heart instead of his mouth.. no longer did he not speak the real truth... But now... I think if he asked T the question again... T would have chose the 2nd option...

story of -=K=- :: part 27

2005-11-24T23:40:00.000+08:00

This story goes on... with something even worse that happened... K, was a guy who was very much into games .. he liked counterstrike... diablo 2.... Cm3... whatever game u name it, K liked them very much....

K's infatuation with games was serious. He could spend hours on the computer....But as his house Pc was an old one, it couldn't really play the newer games.... There are some guys that are game fanatics... even when they reach 20+ years old.. they can still be hooked on it... Its really quite sad to know that.. but this is a cruel reality. Guys are in fact really more immature than girls. I m not saying that playing games is immature.. just don't over do it.

But K was an idiot... K spent more time with games than with T... the bad thing that happened.. was that K bought a new computer.... K spend all his money in his bank account just to buy a new computer... At that time he bought the computer... he was delighted.... He installed every game that he could find.... Take a look at his desktop and u realise that it is just like a typical computer in a lan gaming shop. The worse part was.. he bought the original diablo 2 game... and became hooked on it.. he played the moment he reached home everyday.. skipped lessons.. and ignored T many times while on it.... He was a freak... a game freak.... There were a few times when he asked his friends.. Am I a game freak? Many times.. they tell him yes... but they didn't tell him that it was wrong... ... once.. K asked someone.." do u think I spend too much time playing games?" K's friend told him.. " at least u are not a flirt, its better to spend extra time playing games than trying to pick up other girls" so K thought to himself... hmm.. that's quite true... I m very faithful to T... because other girls just din interest him, he was more interested in computer games. Everyone might think that it is uncommon... but let me tell u.. open your eyes and look.. there are many guys that are like that....

When K bought a new computer... T was afraid.. she was afraid that K would neglect her.... One day... she asked K a question.. " is games more important or me?" that was the time when K spent almost every hour he had playing games... Whenever T called him and asked him what was he doing.. K would always say... " playing games " T asked... " can u tell me whether games is more impt or me" K... inside his head.... Knew that he liked games a lot... but T and games were different... T was human, while games was dead... so he told T " of course its you, dun be stupid" Although in K's heart, T would be the only woman he loved, but with K's infatuation with games, Games was the one that had been accompanying K in his NS life.. ( note that I used G when I said Games..., it was to show that Games became something that K needed to pass everyday , just like smokers needing cigarettes.. ) T didn't understand K at that time.... It was harder for her to understand what K was going through... She was already out of his life and he was out of hers... so she thought to herself... " fine... he might say this... but I tink what is more important to him is his games.. and not me.." T became sad ... she didn't know why K is like that... Many a time when T needed someone to talk to... K was playing his games... many a time when T needed to ask for help in her studies... ( remember that T was a science student, and K was commerce, ) she called K.. and most of the time.. K was playing his games... T didn't want to bother K with her problems.. so she often said.. nevermind u play your games then. And many times when K heard that... he just say ok.. and he wll continue to play his games .... Every single night.. although he had to book in... he played till very late... There was a few times when he played till the next morning...and then went to work without sleep... That was how hopeless K was.

story of -=K=- :: part 26

2005-11-23T21:11:00.000+08:00

To this day.. K read about an email that his friend sent him... his friend sent him an email that goes like this....

" there was once a girl who was very bad tempered... and her mother was very unhappy about it... So she told her..every time u wanted to vent your anger... go to the fence behind our house and knock a nail into it... and so the girl knocked many many nails into the gate..... but one day.. the girl changed... and this time.. her mother told her... now when u curb your anger once and didn't show your temper.. u can pull out a nail from the gate... and so... after some time.. the girl managed to pull our all the 37 nails from the gate.... " and so the moral of the story is... no matter how u remove all the nails... the holes will still be there... old wounds doesn't heal that easily..

So when K read this mail now... he realised that T had many many holes in her heart.. and those were all that he knocked in her... so K told T..." although I know I have knocked many nails in your heart.. I will try my best to be a new piece of wood... that would sacrifice my own wood to patch up those holes I have created...."

And so.. that was when T had just went to school... her school term just started and K had hurt her again... K felt really bad to have made her cry... but he thought that it was over , their love could withstand anything... But it was not to be so.. no woman wants to feel hurt all the time when they are with their loved one...K had a present that was from T.. it was a very meaningful present... when T gave this present to K... she told K... I hope that when u sleep on this , u will think about us... we can sleep on this pillow together.. And it was a pillow.. K treasured this pillow very much.. although he didn't treat T well... he really cherished the pillow and the pillow cover... whenever his mum wanted to use another pillow cover.. K would insist that he use T's pillow cover... That night... T had came to K's house.. and so she left her scent on K's bed and pillow... K told T.." I can smell your scent all over my bed... so I m not going to do anything but lie on my bed.. " T replied. " I like your smell too.." it was very romantic...

But one thing... K and T always talked in that baby talk.. using terms like " hehe.. or u act cutie... , or little K and T... terms like that... it was their special way of communicating.." there was one sms that K remembered very clearly... it goes like this.. " thinking of our little K's and T's now... must be very cute... etc etc..."( the back part was irrelevant, it is not because K forgot ) T was thinking about their future family... the little K's and T's was refering to their kids.... As K and T looked much younger for their age... they had some cute look.. ( I suppose so from what friends say ).. so that is why.. T said that their kids would be very cute...

story of -=K=- :: part 25

2005-11-22T23:25:00.000+08:00

To this day.. K read about an email that his friend sent him... his friend sent him an email that goes like this....

"there was once a girl who was very bad tempered... and her mother was very unhappy about it... So she told her..every time u wanted to vent your anger... go to the fence behind our house and knock a nail into it... and so the girl knocked many many nails into the gate..... but one day.. the girl changed... and this time.. her mother told her... now when u curb your anger once and didn't show your temper.. u can pull out a nail from the gate... and so... after some time.. the girl managed to pull our all the 37 nails from the gate.... " and so the moral of the story is... no matter how u remove all the nails... the holes will still be there... old wounds doesn't heal that easily..

So when K read this mail now... he realised that T had many many holes in her heart.. and those were all that he knocked in her... so K told T..." although I know I have knocked many nails in your heart.. I will try my best to be a new piece of wood... that would sacrifice my own wood to patch up those holes I have created...."

And so.. that was when T had just went to school... her school term just started and K had hurt her again... K felt really bad to have made her cry... but he thought that it was over , their love could withstand anything... But it was not to be so.. no woman wants to feel hurt all the time when they are with their loved one...K had a present that was from T.. it was a very meaningful present... when T gave this present to K... she told K... I hope that when u sleep on this , u will think about us... we can sleep on this pillow together.. And it was a pillow.. K treasured this pillow very much.. although he didn't treat T well... he really cherished the pillow and the pillow cover... whenever his mum wanted to use another pillow cover.. K would insist that he use T's pillow cover... That night... T had came to K's house.. and so she left her scent on K's bed and pillow... K told T.." I can smell your scent all over my bed... so I m not going to do anything but lie on my bed..." T replied. "I like your smell too..." it was very romantic...

But one thing... K and T always talked in that baby talk.. using terms like " hehe.. or u act cutie... , or little K and T... terms like that... it was their special way of communicating.." there was one sms that K remembered very clearly... it goes like this.. " thinking of our little K's and T's now... must be very cute... etc etc..." the back part was irrelevant, it is not because K forgot) T was thinking about their future family... the little K's and T's was refering to their kids.... As K and T looked much younger for their age... they had some cute look.. (I suppose so from what friends say).. so that is why.. T said that their kids would be very cute...

the struggle :: part 5

2005-11-21T15:25:00.000+08:00

its over, stay tuned for the last installment of 'the struggle :: part 6' this coming april... =)

story of -=K=- :: part 24

2005-11-20T15:56:00.000+08:00

But although K didn’t treat T well.. in his heart.. no one can ever replace T… T was like the person meant for him. He knows that…. But he didn’t think that T needs concern and care just like any other woman… Maybe he knows that T needed them.. but he was too “bochup” to do it.. he cared for T and was concerned only at times he feel like it… he didn’t give whole heartedly… All he knows is that he is unhappy everyday…

K was not mentally prepared to serve his country… So everyday he thought this Is the time for T to show that she really can wait for K… so instead of treating her well.. he expected T to treat him better….

This is one thing.. that not many guys know… not many guys can understand what is their gf going through when their love is in national service.. Not many. But on the girl’s side.. neither could they ever understand what it means to be forced to do somethin that u don’t like to do… so neither could understand each other…

No girl can ever know what the guy go through… but there is no excuse… because the guy didn’t know what females go through too… they only know that they are the ones suffering…they couldn’t see that even though the girl is at least studying and all that, they have stress and school problems to cope with too…

But although all these problems surfaced…. It wasn’t enough to rock their relationship… T was still putting wholeheartedly into the relationship… There was once… which K made T cry again… K was pes E remember? So he had the luxury of able to take lessons at night…

Once.. T’s family went abroad… So K hoped to spend another night with T… when I say that K wanted to spend a night with T… I don’t mean that K wanted to have sex with t… K only wanted to re- live the happy memories of the times at the chalet… K wanted to re feel the happiness of intimacy with the one he loved… But T couldn’t. K cannot understand why T could go to her friends place to spend a night or go to some chalet with her friends… and he couldn’t understand why T couldn’t do it for him… He always thought that if T really wanted to spend a night with him.. she could always lie… K always expects his gf to lie to their parents for him… But T couldn’t do it.. she was afraid of getting found out… the consequences would be serious..

K didn’t think about all these… K only knew that T was being unfair to him… He thought that T treated her best friend better… K just couldn’t see it at that time… what made it worse.. he didn’t believe that T wanted to spend a night with him.. He thought that T didn’t want to… why did he think that? It was all because T always tell him she cant, he took it that she didn’t want. So this time.. when T’s family went abroad… K hoped for T to just spend one night with him… Although T parents were away… her brothers were still around, and they were responsible for her…

As each day passed.. K began to get unhappy again… during that time, one incident happened.. which hurt T even more… left another scar in her heart…. T, after returning home from school… was tired and needed to rest… but she thought… abuot cooking a meal for K and bringing it to him before his evening class.. this was the sweetest thing someone in her 18s would do… but before T did it… she was tired and went to sleep first…

K lesson start at 6.45.. and so he didn’t want T to be late… And he told T.. if u really wanted to cook for me.. please do not be late or I wont have time to eat the dinner u cooked… T didn’t know that K’s lesson started at 6.45.. she thought that his lesson started at 7… but she rushed and rushed… she woke up a little late… and K started to feel that she had the mind to do it.. but not the heart as she was late… K, who had been unhappy because of T not agreeing to spend 1 night with him… had that in his mind all along… so when T was late… he wasn’t happy at all… T reached there at 6.45, and the only thing that K said when T reached was… “ why are u so late? I have no more time to eat it already…”

If the dinner was bought… That would have meant nothing to T.. but the dinner she made for K was with her heart and love… she wanted to do it just for K… Did I tell u before that T didn’t know how to cook before she met K? But when she knew K, she learned how to cook a few dishes from her mum just to cook for K…..

But at that moment… K knew that T had put in effort to cook for him… but his mind got the better of him.. and instead of saying sweet words to T.. he said hurtful ones… he said.. if u really wanted me to have dinner before lessons.. u wouldn’t have been late…. Do u all know why T made dinner for K? it was because… K always told t that he hoped for her to cook for him… he also told T that everytime he had evening lessons.. he skipped dinner… Although T couldn’t cook everyday… she hoped to at least do it once for him…

But K was unhappy with T… so even though he knew that T did it all for him… he didn’t let her know.. he didn’t made T feel appreciated… he made T felt hurt when he said why was u so late… Maybe from that day on.. T stopped doing so much anymore… but K didn’t know…

T burst into tears when K said those words… she said… “ do u know I felt when I was late? I didn’t want to be late… I din want to spend money taking a cab.. so I waited for the bus instead… I put in effort to bring all these to you.. but u don’t appreciate it… “ and she started to cry… When T cried.. K felt like crying too.. K said “I'm sorry… because if u were late it serves no purpose.. I have no time to eat it..” In his heart..

K felt really happy that T would do such a thing… but he didn’t say it out… why do I say that K felt really happy? It was because later during the lesson… he kept thinking what a sweet gf he have… he was really really happy. He put his food on the table.. and didn’t have time to eat it as he said… but all throughuot the lesson.. he kept lookin at it…. He even told his friend that it was his gf that cooked for him.. I guess T was really heartbroken when K was unhappy for her being late.. and went home … with another scar in her heart… When K got home.. hetold T that he is eating her dinner now.. and told her that he appreciates it … but I guess T was already hurt again earlier on… it was another case of being too late…

the perfect couple

2005-11-18T01:05:00.000+08:00

juz for laugh...

story of -=K=- :: part 23

2005-11-17T23:34:00.000+08:00

K continued serving his Ns… and T was preparing to go to university.. During the times when T hadnt enter university, they were still very much in love.. Every time , K would meet T.. and they were still as good as ever.. They were a dynamic couple… Complemented each other well.. it was just like they were two halves.. K was a clerk, remember? So K had the luxury of booking out everyday.

But K didn’t want to waste his army life. K thought to himself… If I come out of army 2.5 years later… T would still be in university… Oh yah, forgot to say anything about K’s A level results.. K passed all his subjects.. but his grades for maths were too poor for him to b e considered for university.. he got an E.. So he thought to himself.. that during this time.. he has got to take a certain degree course… so that.. when he got out of army, he could start to support T…

Everything he did.. he considered T as his first priority… He and T planned very very far ahead… but little did they know that it was not to be… K still rememberd one night.. when he asked T.. when do u want to get married?? And T said… when you want to marry me… and K would always say “ right now” and then T would blush and say not now she is still studying… And so K planned to be able to support T the moment he came out of Ns.. so that they will live a happy life together…

But all these that K thought of, T didn’t really wanted that… She didn’t wanted K to do it for her… she wanted K to do it for himself… Doing all these things didn’t meant anything to K if there was no more T… T was ½ the reason remember? T was K’s motivating factor… but T didn’t know it… She didn’t know that if K didn’t have her… HE would be a diff person totally.. Just like how T changed… T had become a better person because of K.. Love changes a person for the better…

But K… K was a sad case… it was all because of his mentality.. that he and T would be together forever.. that made him neglect T… All inside his mind was.. “ T and me are made for each other.. and we will never break up.. “ that is why K thinks… all his life he had never met someone like T whom he is head over heels in love with.. it’s the same situation with T…. she has never gone so crazy over a guy before.. ( the words of her best friend ) T never ever thought that she will break up with K… she also thought that K would be with her forever and get married… But they had different views..

While K knew that T would be with her forever, he didn’t treasure her.. he didn’t feel for her.. think for her.. be considerate for T…take care of T… show concern for T…. he didn’t try to understand what T was going through in her life… the more he thinks they are made for one another, the more he didn’t treat her as well as he should.. But T was different… The reason why T always change and sacrificed for K is because she knows that she loves him and wanted to be with him and get married... so she didnt mind putting everything into the relationship.. But T was going to university.. and everything would change soon…

story of -=K=- :: part 22

2005-11-16T21:02:00.000+08:00

These are words that changed K and T’s story forever. K was shocked and sad… he recalled how T looked when she left.. he recalled how strangely she has been acting that day… He needed to talk to T.

So he rushed home.. and began to call T… He tried many many times…. Many many many many times… but T wouldn’t pick up the phone… But K didn’t give up.. He knows that T and him were meant to be together… He needed to find out the problem between them.

As I have said before, K didn’t know that T cried and was sad every night… He didn’t know that his bad temper and his foul mouth had made T very sad every single day.. He was a very insensitive guy… So when T told K she wanted to break up with him, K couldn’t believe what he heard… He persisted.. he called.. and he called…. Finally.. T picked up the phone…

K and T had a heart to heart talk.. K asked T a very simple question… “ do u love me” and T said “yes.. I do… “ And so K began to find out what is the problem between them… And as he asked, he realised that he had treated T bad temperedly… Then he told T, I know I have been bad tempered since i enlisted.. please try to be understanding…

But T said” I know that… do u know that I have been crying every night? Did u know how sad I felt when u were mean to me?” T couldn’t take it when K was mean to her…. And so K made a promise to T.. he said that he will try his best not to be bad tempered or scold T harshly…. Eventually, K and T didn’t break up…

T didn’t sleep the whole night… She knew that she loved K , and when the next morning came, K, on his way to work, received a call from t.. who was in tears…. Saying. “ I don’t want to break up with u anymore.. I love you..” K’s heart was filled with love again…He had so much feelings… he had so much to say to T.. but he didn’t say anything.. all he said was..” don’t say break up anymore ok T? I love u.. I don’t wish to break up with you…” K said “ we are meant to be together, please don’t give up so easily…”

But… once the break up word is said.. nothing is ever going to be the same anymore… K tried his best not to be mean to T or fierce, but he couldn’t do it. At times when T made him unhappy he became fierce.. which hurts T again and again… And sometimes when T made him unhappy… he would say break up… He wanted to let T know how hurtful it was when the word is said… He wanted T never to say the words again, and that was why he said it…. K was a guy that didn’t think like normal guys do. K thought that if he said break up to T, T would know what it feels, and will not say it again… but he over did it…

whenever they had a quarrel… K would say break up… sometimes he said it harshly, sometimes he said it jokingly… But T never treated it as a joke… When K said it, T always took it to heart…Every time K said break up, T’s heart was scarred once… It was that painful… but K didn’t realise it until now… The only sentence that fits the bill is .. The course of true love never did run smooth…

story of -=K=- :: part 21

2005-11-16T01:12:00.000+08:00

And so T brought K and his 2 friends to the event… but ALAs… they didn’t have tickets for 3 pple, they only had tickets for 2. T didn’t need a ticket as she was a senior in the school, and so K and his 2 friends were stranded. They didn’t know what to do. And to make matters worse, K brought another couple there as well, so in the end, 5 pple had to go in with 2 tickets, but that is not possible… After waiting for a long time.. K’s friends , the couple, left. They decided to leave after waiting for some time..

T , on the other hand.. didn’t care about K … all she did. Was talk to her friends whom she havent met for a long time.. while k and company was thinking of how to go in, T was there, talking to her friends and didn’t bother about K… K, was unhappy, but he didn’t say anything to T. He thought of how to get in… Suddenly, T came up.. and gave the two tickets to K’s friend while K was talkin on the phone with another friend… T told them , here are two tickets, good luck.. and she went in herself… K, after putting down the phone, asked his friends, where was T??? They said T went in already.

K was very sad at this time… He thought in his head.. why did T do this? T should at least wait for K and his friends to be able to get in before getting in herself. He felt that T was acting funny…and being very selfish… K felt as though his heart had fallen a few feet… He was feeling down.

K thought and thought… He didn’t know how to get in… eventually.. he approached a dance member…. He talked and talked… and finally persuaded the dance member to help… this dance member got her teacher to let K in.. So K got in himself… As he went in, he searched everywhere for T.. he needed to talk to T… he wanted her to know that it wasn’t right to just dump him outside.. If not for K’s luck, he would never have gotten in. So he searched, and he searched, but it was pitch black in side. K decided to msg T… “ where are u now?” T replied where she was.. and K went to look for her…

T totally felt different that day… she wasn’t the same old T… She was cold to K… K asked T to go sit with him… but T refused.. she said she wanted to sit where her friends were… This puzzled K even more… T always followed K wherever he sits…. And so K asked again… But still T refused … T wanted to sit with her friends….. K was sad.. and hurt. He kept thinking why did T react so ddifferently that night…

But K decided to keep that aside for the time being… do u remember that the real motive K went to the dance event? It was to have another dance with T….Little did he know that he was in for a shock… And so the night began to get late… It was time for the dance to start after the competition is over….

Suddenly, K received a message..” I feel sick, I want to go home now” and that msg was from T.. K was sad… all his hopes were dashed… So he replied “ can we have a dance first before going?” But T replied, “ no, I really want to go now..” And so K, sadly, accompanied T out…. K told his friends, “please wait for me, I will come back.” And T and K begin to sit at a place in school while waiting…

To this day.. K still remembered everything that T said… K asked T.” why do u want to leave so early? U didn’t want to dance with me?” And T replied , “ I really felt sick.. I just want to go home/…” and K replied. “ why? U are not sick… is there any problem?” and T replied “ I don’t know..” K then told T..” Do u know how Sad I feel when u went in by yourself and left me outside?” T replied.. “ I really don’t know.. I don’t know what I was thinking…” T seemed to have broken down… she felt so uneasy when talking…

K decided to give T a break, so he said.. ok.. rest well when u get home… and then he gave the cab driver 20 bucks and put T into the cab… Then K went back to his friends.. Both of them were a little angry at K as they waited a long time for him to go home…Just as they were walking home, K received a message… To this day.. K can still remember the exact words that T said..

"Lets break up, I did not like anybody else "

Your Birthdate: September 5

2005-11-14T14:46:00.000+08:00

You have many talents, and you are great at sharing those talents with others.
Most people would be jealous of your clever intellect, but you're just too likeable to elicit jealousy.
Progressive and original, you're usually thinking up cutting edge ideas.
Quick witted and fast thinking, you have difficulty finding new challenges.

Your strength: Your superhuman brainpower

Your weakness: Your susceptibility to boredom

Your power color: Tangerine

Your power symbol: Ace

Your power month: May

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

story of -=K=- :: part 20

2005-11-13T19:07:00.000+08:00

But fate wasn’t kind to K. Fate posted K to a place where everyone had evil in their hearts. Every single person in that place were bad. K felt very unhappy there… it made him stressed up, and his health problems came back again. Once again he couldn’t eat well… and he felt terrible every single day of his life there.

But the worse thing that happened to K, was that he became bad tempered. He was back to the old K.. T had no more power to nurture him.. as she no longer spends that much time with K….. one night.. k told T “ how I missed the times when we just finished our A levels … Everyday was so carefree…” K doesn’t know whether now T remembered that sentence…. But it was a very meaningful sentence, Those were the times when K and T were the happiest…Everyday was happy, there was no worries, no problems… all they can be was to enjoy life… but now.. K had to have responsibilities.. no mistake can be done at work or he would face disciplinary actions.. K felt sad… K needed to breathe…

and as each day passed.. K changed.. K became a “bochup” which means everything that comes to K he didnt care... His character changed as well.. he became bad tempered, that was the main change, but the worse change was that he begun to treat T bad temperedly as well.. ( I m not sure whether there is the word badtemperedly”) haha.. Yah, and he treated T bad temperedly. Many times he quarrelled with T, and caused T to feel hurt and sad, and Everyday T felt sad that K treated her that way…

TTdidn’t understand what K was going thru, the fact that he was stuck in NS for 2.5 yrs, K wasn’t mentally prepared.. he wasn’t mature enough to.. But T endured it.. T didn’t say anything about her crying alone at night… T didn’t put it across to K that she felt really really hurt… No one told K about it too.. K himself didn’t know that he changed to become so hack care of T and bad tempered..it was really scary.. he didn’t know that he himself have changed….

K enlisted in apr 2001, and there was a certain JC dance event that was in May every year It was memorable to K and T as in the year 2000, K and T went to that event together… That was when they had their first dance..

K and T didn’t go to nightspots.. so the only chance they could dance was when there was such events. K could still remember how he hugged T when he danced with her… the feeling was just great.. T was K’s everything at that time.. He almost cried out tears of joy that night… but he didn’t tell T, as it was dark. T was from dance, and so she decided to go back to school in the year 2001…

K decided to take leave for that day, and so K and T prepared to go back to school together. Before that day, K kept thinking and reminiscing about the same time last year when he had T in his arms and dancing with emotions… He kept thinking that he had to dance with T that night… T was from dance, so naturally K asked T to get 3 tickets, one for him, and 2 for his 2 friends, the 2 whom accompanied him to watch T dance before at Suntec. K wanted so badly to have another dance with T.

Although K had become more bad tempered, the love he had for T was still strong and burning within. So when T and K went back to school.. K had many memories.. He remembered all the times when he had spent in school with T.. But he didn’t know that T was very unhappy.. T cried every night.. but K didn’t know.. T suffered many things.. but she didn’t let K know…

I have said many things about K bad habits.. but T also had a bad habit… she didn’t want K to know her sadness, and her hurt.. Never did she told K that she had been crying every night since K became bad tempered and was stern to T. So K didn’t know why T was acting strangely the whole day. K was insensitive, and to make matters worse, T often suffered in silence. K took leave that day, the first time he took leave .. and it was only a month into his service. So he hope tat his leave didn’t go wasted… For the whole day he thought of dancing with T… but in T’s head.. she had other thoughts… she decided that she couldn’t take K’s bad temper anymore.. she wanted to break up with K.

story of -=K=- :: part 19

2005-11-11T21:50:00.000+08:00

Then valentine’s day 2001 came.. and K took leave and T took leave to spend the day together…. K can still remember what happened the whole day… it is forever implanted into his memory…K bought a black dress for T as a valentine’s day gift.. and to this day he has only seen T wear it twice… But anyway… they spent that day together…. T wrote a card to T… with the envelope adressed to ..” To the one and only one that deserves to see this, K” and wrote about her feelings together with K.. although she had been sad a few times in the relationship, generally she was happy with K… the lines that K would always remember “ Everytime I quarrel with u I feel very sad, I wish that we will never quarrel.” “I will try to be the best gf that u ever had” K kept it in his mind forever… till this day….

K was not a man of words… he had never wrote letters or anything to T. Every gift that he gave T, was bought. He didn’t gave her anything that is written with feelings before….

And so the day came for K to be enlisted. K was a pes E guy remember? So he would only go to P tekong for one week… But one week without T was bad.. although K and T had endured a month without seeing each other, K didn’t want to go through the pain again.. but he had no choice. And so he brought hp and charger to camp. Every night that K was there, he thought about T.. it was just like the time when T left Singapore. Every night, K couldn’t sleep. K saw all his bunk mates sleeping, but he was still talking on the phone with T secretly under the blankets. After putting down the phone, K would think of T till it was really late at night.. like 3 am… although they had to wake up at 5.15 am , K often waited till 3 am before sending a final message to T… T missed K when he was there too… Every single message that she received seemed to be more meaningful that any other message that K had ever sent to her.

One of this was.. “ everyone is asleep right now.. while I am still in my bed thinking of you… I think I have found my wife already…” and that was 3 am in the morning…At that time, K realised how impt. T was to him… he realised that he couldn’t do without T…

And so the day came for K to come out of P tekong, Pes E personel, very happy, 1 week and he is out. And the day he came out, T was waiting at P Ris for K…. T missed K as badly as K missed T. That day, K parents were overseas, and so K brought T to his house… K was really tired.. so all he did was sleep at home.. But T didn’t mind at all, T slept with K as though she had a duty to do so… Both of them spent the whole day together at K’s place, and K asked T, would u stay tonight?

But T , once again let me remind u that T was a very protected girl, she could not stay overnight just like that.. K pleaded with T, hoping that she would try to cook up an excuse for staying out.. But eventually T couldn’t think of any excuse last minute… and she had to leave…So K became sad… he kept thinking.. if she cant even cook up an excuse to be with him even when this is a golden opportunity, then how was T going to make time for him in future?

And so K, although he wanted so badly for T to stay, had to let her go home instead…..

story of -=K=- :: part 18

2005-11-09T18:45:00.000+08:00

But life was never ever going to be the same for K and T… K was male, and all males got to go to NS. T was a JC student, and she gotta go to university. When K realised it, he began to lose all his confidence… but still, he didn’t show it. He believed that their love could stand the test of time. Although he know that T would wait for him, he often accused T of not going to wait for him…

K had this bad habit of saying what is untrue.. He kept saying that when he enlist, T would go to university and run off with another guy.. he is insecure… Many pple told K that the real test happens between couples when the guy is off to NS and the girl is off to university.. which made K scared… The more K got scared, the more he said it… he kept saying.. that T would leave him… T didn’t know what to say.. T loved K... and she hoped for K to trust her… but K often made it seem like he doesn’t trust T...

It is really very bad. Throughout the whole time that K and T were together, K had never ever doubted T before.. but also throughout the whole time that they were together, K made it seem like he had never trusted T before… Don’t ask me why K is like that, I guess this is his insecure trait…

So when that daywhen K went for his medical review, T prayed hard for K to be Pes E or some pes which he didn’t have to stay in, so that she could meet him at night…

And so K went for his review.. and he wanted to scare T as usual.. K loved to tease T.. he liked to test T too… sometimes he do things just to test T… and this time.. he called T.. and he said.” Oh no, they give me Pes A.. I die already.. and he began to sound sad.. he said.. I m going to lose u T.. I cant meet u at night or whatever … and u will leave me… and he said… sorry… I m very sad now… I really don’t know what to do… take care T…” and T began to become very sad… she said “ don’t worry K, even though u are pes A , I will not leave you… I will still wait for u … “

K was touched, and he said.. haha..i am not Pes A.. I am temporary pes E… for 1 year… that time was january.. And T was delighted… I didn’t know that girls can be so happy when their bf is Pes E. It puzzled me.. I always thought that Pes A is macho, strong, and is the type that girls would look for… but I was wrong… T was very happy that K was Pes E… she kept saying “ happie! Happie!…..” it was indeed a touching moment…

So K and T both found a job… a temporary job…. Before he enlists and before T went to university...

deadlines...

2005-11-08T11:38:00.000+08:00

juz came back fm yifeng's rm for 3214... 36 hrs awake, with 4 hrs sleep in between, amazingly, i played soccer at the 20th hr... going mad... one big monster module... which leaves me completely no time on 3265 and jap oral, really sorry to my 65 teammates, i cant really contribute much on the presentation, and jap oral, hah! i wonder...

i will play soccer again later bah... like cb said, "a man has no limit", haha, i will test this statement later... 48hrs, here i go...!

story of -=K=- :: part 17

2005-11-08T11:37:00.000+08:00

So when T came back, the bond btw K and T became stronger. Then came a time when T had a chalet.. It was her family’s chalet.. the chalet lasted 3 days 2 nights, but T’s family was only going to go to the chalet on the 2nd day. And so, T wanted K to go to the chalet with her, her 2 brothers, and her brother’s wife, and her little cousin. Her little cousin was a very cute girl, around 9 years old. K wanted to go to the chalet with T too. The chalet was in sentosa, and K went all by himself to the chalet..

The time spent at the chalet was the most memorable time in the story of K and T…. It was like this….K and T hadnt spent any time over night before. As T was a protected girl, the only time she can spend her time at night outside was when she was either with her parents or a gathering with a teacher. So when K can make it for this chalet, T was delighted.. she could spend a night with K , and her parents wouldn’t know. T planned for K to come and discussed how to not let her parents know with her two brothers... And so.. K came to the chalet… That night, there was a bbq. Everyone tried to eat whatever they cooked, but they couldn’t make it.. the fire was too weak. In the end, they threw everything into the oven and started to cook.. It was a funny sight.

T and K were at the chalet like a married couple, they did everything together, like washing plates, cleaning ovens, and cooking. They helped each other, and shared whatever food they have... burnt or uncooked. Haha. It was heartwarming to c T and K so happy that day. The day passed so fast that in a flash.. it was night….

T’s brother had arranged for K and T and her little cousin to sleep in the master bed room, with K on a single bed and T and her cousin on the master bed. They put the little cousin in the room to prevent T and K from doing anything funny.. T and K both knew it, but T and K just wanted to spend a night together. As the night became later, T and K couldn’t get to sleep. K turned to look at T, and T turned to look at K, separated by the floor between the two beds. For many minutes , they kept staring at each other. K wanted to hug T and pull her under the covers, but he couldn’t. T wanted to go over to K’s bed and lie together with him, but there was the little cousin that was still awake and they didn’t want her to know anything. When T and K climbed into bed, it was 12 O clock. And for the time from 12 O clock till 2 O clock, although both were already very tired, They didn’t get to sleep.. they were waiting for T’s little cousin to sleep first. They long to sleep together.

Every minute passed, and the longing became higher. Finally, there was no more sound from T’s cousin.. the time was about 2 am… T started to climb out of bed.. and went to lock the door…..

And that night was a night that they would never forget. They spent some intimate moments together… After T locked the door… she climbed over to K’s bed and ……..

And after some time they begin to sleep… the time was about 3 am… For one hour, T and K slept….. while sleeping.. suddenly.. T heard someone calling her.. “ sis, sis… sleep with me please…” and there was T’s little cousin …. K and T both woke up… they realised that they had slept in each others arms. T , with sadness in her eyes, climbed out of bed and went to the other bed to sleep… from that moment.. K and T began to look at each other again… they looked and they looked, and once again they were separated by that floor… They didn’t know how long they looked into each other’s eyes.. but they eventually dozed off….

story of -=K=- :: part 16

2005-11-06T03:39:00.000+08:00

楓 - 周杰倫

2005-11-04T01:54:00.001+08:00

烏雲在我們心裡擱下一塊陰影
我聆聽沉寂已久的心情
清晰透明　就像美麗的風景
總在回憶裡才看的清

＊被傷透的心能不能夠繼續愛我
　我用力牽起沒溫度的雙手
　過往溫柔已經被時間上鎖
　只剩揮散不去的難過＊

＃緩緩飄落的楓葉像思念
　我點燃燭火溫暖歲末的秋天
　極光掠奪天邊　北風掠過想你的容顏
　我把愛燒成了落葉
　卻換不回熟悉的那張臉

　緩緩飄落的楓葉像思念
　為何挽回要趕在冬天來之前
　愛你穿越時間　兩行來自秋末的眼淚
　讓愛滲透了地面
　我要的只是你在我身邊＃

REPEAT＊

在山腰間飄逸的紅雨
隨著北風凋零　我輕輕搖曳風鈴
想　喚醒被遺棄的愛情
雪花已鋪滿了地　深怕窗外楓葉已結成冰

REPEAT＃

story of -=K=- :: part 16

2005-11-04T01:54:00.000+08:00

To hear T’s voice after so long was like heaven to him. He was overwhelmed with joy.. the first thing he asked T was..

”do u know I was waiting for u every night to call me? Why did u take so long?“

But K didn’t blame T, as long as T called, it didn’t matter if K needed to wait for many days…So K and T began to talk… it was very mushy…. Haha.. Although they were in different places, K could feel T beside him.. K could feel the warmth of T… But the call was short lived… every call that T made cost about 10-15 sing dollars,and it was only for a short 10 to 20 mins.. But T spent all the money she had to call K. T didn’t mind spending at all, she knows that every min spent talking to K was worth it. One Night, T told K, that she has no more money to call K anymore, and that would be the last time..

K didn’t want that to happen.. So he told T to use her family’s phone to make long distance call instead of going to public payphones. So T decided that would be good.. And so T used her family’s phone to call K, and they ended up talking a lot. T’s family over there was rich, so they wouldn’t mind. K asked T, then would u come back to spend christmas with me? And T replied, I will try mybest to go back before christmas…

Although K missed T every single day, and didn’t feel like doing anything else except waiting for K at night, T felt the same too. Over at that country, T made those bands for K. She made a single one every time she thought of K. She missed K dearly too. Although they were young, they had made plans to be together for a long time. Each band she made was with all her heart and soul, she put her mind into it and with every band she made, K was the one who made her go on making and making. Before T left, K asked T to do some handicrafts for him if she missed him, and T didn’t respond, but while she was over there making these bands, she didn’t let K know as well. She meant for it to be a surprise when she comes back to Singapore.

So K and T had a difficult one month… Every day that passed made the heart grow fonder.. So when T came back, K was delighted.. he was filled with happiness…He told himself that he would never let T go away for such a long time anymore. He knows that T would be the person that is going to be in his life forvever. T missed K too.. when she came back, the first person that she called was K. The first person that she wanted to meet was K… Love is a funny thing.. Love makes two pple do things that they have never done before in their life… K learnt this the hard way….

story of -=K=- :: part 15

2005-11-02T18:26:00.000+08:00

And the A levels went passed. Straight after the A levels, K and T begin to go out each week.. as many times as they wanted.. they were into the happiest time of their lives… But happy times are often short lived.

K’s birthday was in december, and T, one day, told K that she had to go back to a certain country. T’s maternal family was from this country, and so she had to go back to visit… and whenever T went back to visit, it would take about a month.. K was shattered.. K really loved T and T really loved K, and T didn’t want to go, but she had no choice.. So when T told K, K became very sad.. K didn’t know whether he would miss T like crazy.

At that moment, it was about 8 months into the relationship, but they were still having their honeymoon period. On that day before T went to indonesia, K said something that made him and T cry… K began..

"when I c pple hand in hand during the time when u were in indonesia, I will think of you..

When I c couples laughing happily.. I will think of you..

When I c couples sitting together in the mrt, and I turn to my side, there would only be a blank seat..

I can only imagine u there being with me..its really sad..

When I c couples watching movies together, I also would want to watch a movie with u, but as I turn around to comment about the movie, I would c no one but a blank seat..

When I want to put my arms around u, I would happily stretch my arm.. and realise that all I m hugging was thin air..

When at night I feel like calling you, I would dial ur number, xxxxxxx, and ring.. and there will not be anyone to pick up the phone..

I will think of you when I take out our photos to c, I will think of you when I c the gifts u have given me before.. I will think of you every night and every second, because I love you..”

And so K was in tears, and T was touched.. T didn’t know K would cry for her, but she saw that.. Although at this point of time everyone may think that K is being crappy, Let me tell u all that K really meant it in his heart.. And so, T finally left… throughout the first few days, everyday was unbearable for K and T.. K wanted so much to talk to T, and T missed K so much. K was sad everyday, everything he did seemed to have no meaning. He went out with friends, played computer games, played pool, watched movies, went bowling.. but everything he did, he did it just because of doing it. He didn’t do it because he felt like doing it, He just had nothing else to do. All he could do all day was think of T.

T said that when she had found her family there, she would call him, and she would only call him at 10 pm as there wuold be a timing difference btw that country and singapore, and so she fixed a time with K.

So everyday, K would go bowling, play pool, play computer games, go out, movie, eat, shop.. he would do everything… but whenever the time reaches 9, k would rush home like cinderella who was going to turn into a maid. K rushed home everyday to wait patiently for T’s call. As I write this story, I cant help but have tears coming into my eyes.

K rushed home everyday, hoping that T would call soon… there were many times when K’s family members were using the phone… and he quarrelled with his sister many times and begged his parents to keep the line free from 10 to 11, hoping that T would call. For the first few days, K waited, he waited every single day…

When 10 O clock came, he was filled with hope.. Every single min passed, and K felt sadder each minute… For the first day, K waited patiently by the phone… Each min brought feelings to him.. he was hoping, waiting, thinking, missing his love, T. Pple might think K was stupid to sit by the phone for 1 hr everyday and doing nothing else, but that was what he did. So each and every minute passed and T didn’t call K for the first day. K at 10 O clock and K at 11 O clock was entirely different. K at 10 O clock was someone filled with hope, but K at 11 O clock was a sad, dejected, disappointed man. Although it was only a call, it meant everything to him at that time.

Everyone knows that K was bad tempered, easily angered, had male chauvinism, and never admits he is in the wrong when he is… but K had some good qualities, and one of it was he was an emotional, sentimental guy. He was kind hearted and thoughtful at many times. He would think of others first before himself, and had a good sense of humour. All these qualities that K had, the best one was sentimental. K never fails to take out their chat log to read once in a while.. and K never failed to take out the pictures he took with T to see. So K waited each passing day.. and each passing day he became sadder… He kept thinking.. why hadnt T called him?

Finally, one of these nights, K was once again sitting by the phone by 9.55 am… he shut out every1 when they wanted to use the phone… he was selfish… he must make the line free for T to call.. Any call looking for his sister he would tell them to call back at 11… and so.. that night.. K waited.. earnestly.. everyday passed he became disapointed, but when the next day came, he became filled with hope again. So he waited, and waited.. K could still remember the time which T called.. it was exactly 10.25 pm. He waited for 25 mins, and when the phone rang, he knew that it was T.. he just had that feeling…

story of -=K=- :: part 14

2005-10-30T10:31:00.000+08:00

Ok… That was a certain time when K and T quarreled… it left T crying.. T often cried when she was with K.. Being in love with K hurts a lot… But K didn’t know that T often cried alone at night.. K didn’t know anything as T didn’t say.. At the start of their relationship, K and T made a pact remember? They promised to thrash out every single problem that they have before it gets worse.. But there was once when T said out the problem, and expected K to change… Then twice.. then 3 times..

After some time.. T got really tired.. K didn’t change.. K was still the old K.. and so she gave up asking K to change. But K didn’t realise that he had so many flaws and T always accepted them. T had flaws too, but whenever K brought it up to T, T would change for K.

Guys have a bad habit… Although many of us have heard it before, I think not many have really experienced it… the phrase is “ Man often doesn’t cherish what they have until they have lost it.” And so K was such a person. K didn’t change abit at all…

But the relationship of K and T were still strong… Both of them really loved each other. Although K was harsh with words, inside his heart, T was the only one that he could do something for. When T needed help, K never once rejected her. When T had a problem, K would always try to solve it for her. K loved T very much, but he didn’t change away his bad habits for her. But love changes a person.. Before K met T, he was the most bad tempered freak in the world. He often shouted at pple, and always made ppl angry. Every small little thing that K came across, K would flare up if he was unhappy. K was a very bad tempered guy.

But when T came into his life, T nurtured K with her love. With her love, K became not so bad tempered. K began to cultivate his temper and curb it.. K began to approach each situation with sense and calmness. And so K became a better person…

story of -=K=- :: part 13

2005-10-28T02:57:00.000+08:00

K was a immatured guy, he didn’t care for his future or whatever, all he wanted was to just pass the A levels and get into any course. He didn’t care for his results to be top notch. He was the typical slacker.

But T was different. She studied hard and knows that she needs to. So when the A levels came, T tried to get K to study with her. Everytime T tried getting K to study, K was often late to come and early to go. T didn’t give up on K. K had a very weak subject, and that was C maths. By the way K and T was in different faculties, K was taking commerce while T was taking science. But both of them took C maths. K needed help in C maths, he just cannot do it by himself. So when K went out to study with T, K often bothered T with maths questions. T was always patient with K, but as K was seriously weak in maths, he didn’t always understand. As the exams draw near, T became worried for herself. K also realised that T needed time for her own subjects instead of helping him out..

So K became sad. He kept thinking that why is T so selfish. But T had never rejected K when he asked for his help, but K didn’t realise, K only can c that T was impatient when dealing with his problems.. K always thought that he was a sensitive guy, but he wasn’t at all. So one day, K did one thing that hurt T. As the C maths exam drew near, K knew that he shouldn’t bother T with his maths problems anymore. Although T was hardworking, she wasn’t the most hardworking girl or anything like that, she was just a normal student.

So K decided that for T to concentrate on her own work, he decided to seek the help of a girl who was great in maths, and also K’s first love. Well for the background, K had 3 gfs in his life up to now, and T was the 3rd. So K approached his 1st gf for help, and his first gf, being strong in maths and being a very helpful girl, decided to help K out…

And so K went to look for his first gf near her house… But K made a serious mistake.. although he didn’t really meant to kept it from T that he was going to his ex gf house, he didn’t tell T before he went…

After that, when T asked where was K, K replied.. “ I m at some place near my 1st gf’s house, studying maths.” T was very hurt.. She kept thinking that K had cheated her… She was really jealous.. But K was a man who feels that he is the MAN in the relationship… Although he had no ego, he felt that T had no reason to be jealous… and so he said to T, “ you cant help me in maths, I have no choice but to come find her… and please don’t be jealous and doubt me I m doing nothing but studying..”

T was hurt.. T was angry and sad.. She kept probing why K kept it from her in the first place, and kept dwelling on the subject… K had a bad habit.. Whenever he thinks its not his fault and he thinks he has been accused, he would get angry too.. and So k got angry with T.. he said” Hey I didn’t meant to kept it from u, if I meant to, I wouldn’t have told u when u asked me.. besides, u really cannot help me in maths what.”

This really hurts T… while she was angry, K always got angry and in the end it was T who always apologize. K treats all his Gfs this way, whenever they were angry with him, he didn’t feel like he was at fault. He always expects them to apologize to him. He was immature.. he was not a great guy despite his good points…

story of -=K=- :: part 12

2005-10-28T02:56:00.000+08:00

And so K and T had rings… Both of them made a pact to wear the ring everyday.. although it was only a wearing of a ring, it symbolizes the bond btw them. Both K and T cherished the ring very much… K can still remember once.. when T couldn’t find her ring after waking up.. She cried when she woke up when she realised that she couldn’t find the ring… K didn’t get angry with T when he heard that she was crying. But although he didnt get angry at all, he reprimanded T on why she was careless.. K had this bad habit of having a harsh mouth… And T became even sadder… But eventually they found the ring.. T just dropped it somewhere while asleep…

For the few months K and T were together, they didn’t face any big problems in their relationship. K and T believed that with love, nothing is a problem to them.

But K Had high expectations of T. K was always comparing T with X.. He thought about how well X can treat him.. and so he put the high demand on T too. Whenever T did something that made K unhappy, he would bluntly put it across to T. T was a girl who had flaws, just like any normal girl, but whenever K told T that he didn’t like this or that about her, T would change for K. there was once, when K told T “ I find that you are very selfish, u always never think about others and only think of yourself “

From then on, T tried her best not to be selfish. Whenever she met K , she would consider how K would meet her, she would think of K’s every detail n try to be the most considerate gf that K ever had… She would do anything for K…

Ok.. And so the A levels approached.. K and T were in a particular Jc in the east, and near K’s house was a bubble tea shop, where K and T spent many happy moments there together. As the exam approaches, K and T decided to go to the shop everyday, there were tables and food for K and T to study…

This place was a very memorable place in the story of K and T. Every day spent there was absolutely happy.. It was studying combined with laughter and food.. Eventually the stall owner got to know K and T… As I have said before, K and T looked really young for their age.. K looked like a sec 3 or 4 boy while T looked like a sec 2 girl, even up till now when K is in the army and T is in a certain university, they still look like that.. When T flashed her University matrix card, many bus drivers often stared at it. The shop owner was also shocked that T and K were A level students, including the helpers at the shop.. And so became friends with them. The helpers also feel that T and K was quite compatible in terms of looks.. and so they eventually knew T and K.. That was approximately one and a half years ago… And so this bubble tea shop became an important landmark in the life of K and T.. Every day spent there was memorable…

story of -=K=- :: part 11

2005-10-25T04:42:00.000+08:00

And so K and T became lovers. Every single night, K and T would chat happily.. the first few months were just like what everyone said , the honeymoon period. But K and T had a very long honeymoon period. Even after 9 months into their relationship, they were still having the honeymoon period.

Every little thing that K and T quarrelled about, They wanted to resolve it at that point. There was a time after approximately 3 months that T cried to K, she said “ if there is anything unhappy that happens between us, lets say it out and not keep it inside us… I really want we 2 to work out..” K liked T a lot too. So he said “ lets do that whenever we quarrel, “ and so whenever there was a quarrel or when T or K was unhappy with one another, they would say it all out and solve the problem immediately.

K and T had a pact , that they would spent the 3rd of every month together, as they were together since the 3rd of may 2001. Everytime the 3rd came, no matter how busy both of them were, they would spend that day together. Everytime the 3rd came, K or T would never forget it is the 3rd of the month.

A few months after K and T were together, T’s birthday came. K thought of what to buy for T, he thought hard and long. He didn’t know what to buy for her. Then finally he realised that he has no ring. There was no ring to signify the union of Himself and T. So he thought, yes, I must get a ring for both of us… And so K went to look for a ring. K wasn’t a rich guy, so all he could afford was a 60+ set of rings. The rings he bought for T and himself was silver, and it became very valuable to them.. Although it only costs 60 dollars, it seemed to be priceless when K and T were wearing it together.

On T’s birthday, K planned everything. K wanted to make T happy and make her birthday a memorable one. So K planned hard. He thought of bringing T to dinner at a posh restaurant. Let me remind u again that K was a poor guy, he didn’t have much money. To bring T to a restaurant was out of his league. T, over the 2 yrs in JC, had saved up quite a lot of money. She didn’t spend a lot , and had accumulated some money with saving. But K was willing to spend money on T. Every cent spent on T was worth it. So the plan he had was… first, K and T would go home to change, and then T would meet him in town. K decided to go to the place where had the most memories to them, suntec.

On that day, T wore a black top and a folded skirt. She was absolutely stunning. She was dressed up in something that K had neverseen before. When K saw T, he felt that he had dressed too shabbily. But K didn’t feel awkward with T, T was still the same T except that she was all dressed up. K didn’t have the ring at that time, as the people at the shop said if he wanted it to be engraved, he gotta wait 2 days so he didn’t have any gift for T except for a fermented rose. But T didn’t mind. She was satisfied as long as she could see K and be with him on her birthday.

So K brought T to a restaurant in Suntec. And they began to had a nice meal. All throughout, K couldn’t take his eyes off T. It was T’s special day, and he had planned the whole day. To this day, K remembers how T paid for the meal… She simply gave the waiter the cash when he sent the bill to K, and asked him to leave. K was shocked. He simply didn’t expect T to foot the bill. So he asked T, how could I let you pay for the meal? But T replied “ its ok, as long as I m happy, I dun mind paying for the meal” It was T’s birthday and she didn’t want K to foot the bill, so no matter how K insisted , she refused.. and said that if K was going to insist, she would get angry.

So K decided not to insist on footing the bill.. K went to buy a birthday cake instead. He bought a large cake for the 2 of them to eat… And went to find a romantic spot to eat it… This romantic spot, was very memorable to K, he had spent many special moments there before.. and that day, K brought the cake , and T to the place…. K and T were small pple remember?

So when they were trying to finish the cake, it was really a funny sight… K always thought of the times when he and T tried to do something and hey always cannot make it.. it would always bring a smile to his face… like finishing a large cake… The birthday indeed became a memorable experience to K and T...

story of -=K=- :: part 10

2005-10-23T02:31:00.000+08:00

K still remembers that that day was a Wednesday.. It was a day that K will never forget.. That day, K and T both had ECA. K had eca in another school, while T had her dance going on in school. So K told T to wait for him to come back to school so that they can go for dinner together. The only times that T defied her parents and went out late was when she is with K.

So she waited in school patiently for K to fetch her. T sat all alone in the school for a long time.. waiting patiently for K to come to fetch her… And finally K came. At that time T saw K, both of them were speechless with words. That was the 4th time that they met. So K began tosay” where do u want to have dinner?” And t replied “ anywhere” K thought in his head… let us go to somewhere different this time… and so he brought her to a pizza hut in town instead of food court or hawker centre. So they went to this pizza hut, wearing their school uniform.

K and T were both tired, as their ECA were both physical ECA. But even though K was tired, he brought T to dinner.. at this certain pizza hut restaurant. Both K and T were small sized pple, but that night, K ordered lots of food… To this day he still remembered what they ordered.. K ordered a 10 pc chicken drumlets, 2 pepsi, one personal pan, and two lasagne. Both K and T happily tucked in after a long day. They ate happily, and these two finished all the food. When the bill came, K paid the total amount and brought T out of the restaurant…

And so it was late again, and T gotta go home.. This time.. K and T were in the happiest mood that they can be. There seemed to be no barriers between them anymore. The previous times when K was out with T, T often thought how would X feel. T often feel guilty bout asking K out.

But this time, T didn’t feel guilty any longer. T was happy that she is with K , and nothing else matters. K on the other hand, Was happy with T too. He knew that he and T was going to be the couple made in heaven.. ( or so he thinks) K waited for the bus with T to send her home..

When the bus came, K asked T “ how long is the journey”.. and T replied “ about 10 mins” At this time, K knew that he needed to ask T to become his gf. And so on the bus , K said some words.

To this day, K still can repeat the same old words…..

“I m not rich or anything, and I have sweaty palms, but are u willing to hold these hands and be with me?”

And T said “ I want.. I don’t mind. I don’t want to be single since I met you…”

And so, K took T’s hand, and both of them enjoyed the bus ride although it was only 10 mins.

Both of them were madly in love from that moment on. There were two ways to go to T’s house, one is to walk from the mrt, and the other was a bus stop. From the Mrt to T’s house it took 15mins to walk, and from the bus stop to her house it was 10 mins.

That day , T and K took bus, and they walked along that stretch of road, which was a memorable stretch of road to them. From that day on, they walked that road many many countless times…. Ok back to that day. As K took T’s hand, both were feeling very happy. There was that feeling of love in the air… K walked T home … hand in hand.. The feeling was pure sweet love. Although K and T at that time were still young ( JC 2 ), they were prepared to commit in their relationship.

K walked T to her house.. and stopped before the lift, just like the first time he sent T home. He stopped outside the lift, and said with feelings “ I love u T, I hope that we will be happy together” T let go of K’s hand, and started to say goodbye to K… “ im going up now” she said… but K and T were both unwilling to part…

So K finally went into the lift and went up with T together.. Inside the lift, In T’s heart, she knew that she needed to give K her first kiss if he asked.

Although T had a bf before, she had never kissed him before. So when K went into the lift with her, T had that feeling. But K didn’t try to kiss T, he just stood there motionless while looking at T. T lived on the 12th floor of the block, and as they walked out of the lift, T turned around to bade K good bye.

But K said, “ did u forget to give me something?” K was just being mischevous. He wanted to see whether T would kiss him by herself. But T did kiss K.. T had never kissed anyone before , so she didn’t know how to kiss… and so she tried some funny stunts.. It was really funny.. it had K burst out laughing. K didn’t know that T hadnt kissed anyone before, so he asked her” was that your first time kissing someone? “ and so T replied “ yes, sorry if I didn’t do it well”

All K’s heart was filled with humour.. he kept laughing, as what T did was really funny and K didn’t expected it at all…And so K said, “ its ok, I m happy that it was your first time ..” And T and K finally went home after that, smiling to himself like an idiot for the whole 1.5 hrs journey…

fyi

2005-10-21T01:41:00.000+08:00

the story abt k & t has no connection to my life, so pls dun try to link anything abt the story to me. anyway, my life was much more complicated than tat i think. even thou i have no got into wat the ending of the story is. anyway, the story has 50+ parts, so juz be patient ok...

hmm... life is as normal as u can think of now... handball, soccer, jap, jsp, documentation, sleep... tats all... ppl are trying to link this and tat to me, think i should juz dun care lah, as long as i know wat i am doing, its fine. but... is tat really so or not? dilemma of hall life, u have a close gang of friends, tat u feel tat u mind let them know more abt urself, but on the other hand, knowing too much will coz gossips and misunderstanding around the place... sigh... still cant master the skill of anonymity even at yr 3 (or privacy? doing this topic for 3265, still can really differentiate them irl)... but anyway, my heart is clear wat i want lah, dun want to care wat others say... juz dunno when is the right time, and wat is the right words to say; dun want to make her angry or hate me even more. so i may juz wait, till no end, maybe...

story of -=K=- :: part 9

2005-10-21T01:17:00.000+08:00

And so K and X broke up… K begin to be plagued by health problems. He keep having gastric problems .. as for the whole time he is entangled in this problem, he cant eat well. He cant sleep well. K was a emotional and sentimental guy. He knows he has hurt X , and he was feeling very very guilty.

But all throughout this time, T had a bad time too. Everyone who liked T begin to say what a guy snatcher she is. Everyone looked at her like a bad girl. No one could understand how T felt unless they went through it. Even K’s friends look down on T, and they were unhappy with K too. K’s friends felt that K had made a big mistake by choosing such a kind of girl as compared with X. They felt that X was too good for K to give up, and T was nothing but a girl lacking in moral values.

But to K and T, they knew that nothing they did was actually wrong. K’s female friends were also shocked that the K they knew had done such a thing. All along, they had thought that K was a guy with high moral values, and was regarded as someone who was Mr Nice Guy. They too, were puzzled why K was blinded by T. But no one knew the truth. No one knew that K wasn’t blinded by T, K had fallen in love with T. Neither did anyone understand how T felt. No one. T just wanted to be with the one she liked, but now, everyone can only c that she is a guy snatcher.

But no matter what, T and K braved all these rumours about them… and became closer….

So about one month went passed, and T was still waiting for K to give her an answer. But all along the times, she didn’t ask for anything. All she did was wait. Then one day, K asked T something.

He asked “Are u sure u dun like being single? Being single has lots of advantages u know, like not being tied down, going out with anyone u like.. etc etc…Are u sure u didn’t want to be single?”

And T’s reply touched K. T said “ From the day I met you, I don’t want to be single anymore.”

Althought this sentenece was short, it was enough for k to feel everything. K knew that T really wanted to be with him. And so K told T that he had broken up with his gf. T was happy but sad. She was happy because she knew that K wanted to be with her, but she was sad that she had done such thing. She knew that she was the one who caused them to break up. But Man is selfish. Man often only take care of their own needs first before thinking about other pple. Everyone out there is selfish. Therefore, T was human too and she was selfish too. But that is no excuse for her, she had done something “wrong” in many ppl’s eyes.

But in K’s eyes, T didn’t do anything wrong. K only knew it was his fault. He was the one that caused X hurt, and not T. So K and T were overcame with guilt. But after some time, K decided to go out with T again…

K still remembers that that day was a Wednesday.. It was a day that K will never forget...

story of -=K=- :: part 8

2005-10-20T02:44:00.000+08:00

And so the story goes on… T waited for K every night to talk… and each night passes just as how it did previously.. T was very sad.. inside her heart.. she wished that K would ask her to be his gf, but she knows that K has another girl in his life.. She waited every day for his so called reply… but K didn’t do anything. K simply talked to T like how he did last time… So one fine day.. T asked K, what is our relationship now? What are we? K replied.” I like u and u like me, so we are talking every night…”

This is the words of an irresponsible person. K knew it, he knew he was being unfair to T. He was taking T as someone who would wait forever. He knew that T was waiting for him to give her a reply, but all he did was nothing. So when T asked that question, K was at another crossroad again. K is a indecisive man.. although he knows he has no more feelings for his ex gf, he knows that he cant hurt her, but if he lied to her, he would just be another cheater.

So inside his head, he didn’t know what to do. Finally , he told T “ I cant break up with her, please don’t force me. I really dun wish to do that” This sentence hurts T a lot. She thought that if K really liked her, why is he treating her just like someone who is going to be waiting for him forever? But T didn’t say anything, she knows that it was all her fault for telling K that she liked him.

And so T broke down. T said” from the minute I told u I liked u, I never expect u to do anything.. I am not pressuring u to do anything. The reason why I tell u I like u is I dun wish to keep my feelings inside me and not let u know”.

This sentence made K realise how much T is willing to do for him. It also made K realise that he was being unfair to T and his heart… He made up his mind then….

So K tried to break up with his gf. But K was soft hearted. He cant do it. Everytime he see her, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Although T didn’t pressure K by words, the pressure was there for K to talk to his gf. K felt like a bastard. He knows that his gf was a very very nice girl with wife qualities, and he doesn’t want to hurt her. Although T didn’t have that many good qualities, K felt that T was someone in his life that would affect him forever. It is that something called Fate that K and T had.

So one fine day, K decided to confess to his gf. K had another friend, B, who was a lady killer. B was a two timer type of guy, who had always cheated girls of their feelings. When B wanted to break up with a girl, it was always because of another girl but he would always say a different reason. K didn’t want to do what B always did. K needed to tell his gf the truth. K thought that if he told a lie, it would be even worse for his gf to take it when she finds out the truth as what every girl that B cheated felt really really hurt after that. So K made up his mind.. and he told his gf “ To tell u the truth, I like someone else.. Please don’t be sad over me, take it as a good thing. Breaking up now, would do u good in future…”

K knew these words were heartbreaking, but he still said it, cos whatever he said was meant to be the truth… and time had proved that what K said was really true… But at that point of time, K’s gf… well im tired of saying K’s gf, so let her b X. At that point of time , X felt really hurt.. she cannot forgive K. Although all along their relationship X thought that they were not suitable for one another, and she had asked K that if he ever wanted to break up, please let her know the truth.. and now K had fulfilled her request, but she couldn’t take it.

X was the most heartbroken soul in the world at that point of time. All the 2yrs of their relationship, X felt that it was all nothing. It all gone down the drain. So did K. K thought about the 2 yrs they spent together. K thought although they had been together for so long, they had lost the feeling of being close together since the day they went to different JCs.

But still, K knew it was all his fault. He knew that he had hurt X deeply. Although when he said that it would be better for X to break up with him, he knew that no matter what, he is going to be guilty forever.

story of -=K=- :: part 7

2005-10-18T22:07:00.000+08:00

On the side of T, after confessing to K that she likes him, she didn’t do anything. She couldn’t sleep, and all she could do was to wait for K to call her again. She waited. One hour, and a few more mins… finally at 1.30 she called K again.. K didn’t have a handphone at that time, but his friend has one, which was on promotion and was free, and so K borrowed it, and began talking to T…

K said “I really don’t know what to tell u , when u tell me this. It is really something which I don’t know to be happy or to be sad.” Then he asked her, “ do u know that I have a gf? I wont break up with her, I cant do that. I cant affect her studies. The exams would becoming soon.” But K also confessed to T” Actually I like you too, But please don’t force me to make a decision” T , when she heard that K liked her too, she was filled with happiness. She realised that she was really in love with K. Even when K has a gf, she didn’t care that much, she just want to let K know her feelings for him.

So that day, with lots of feelings, T put down the phone and went to bed.. while K was left there thinking by himself. He was in a great dilemna… Every single day passed and he thought of how to deal with the matter. He tried talking to his friends but they were giving him different opinions. Some told K to just forget about his gf and go with T, as T was really a nice girl. Some told K that this kind of girl are not worth it, forget about T.. K talked to male friends and the replies were mostly the same… He became very down and depressed.

So K went to talk to a girl who was in his CCA, this girl was B. The minute B heard from K that T confessed to him, she began to say lots of things. She said what she heard from every1 else. B told K that T is not such a simple girl. She told K that T liked some guys before and often fooled around. K was hurt. He didn’t believe what he heard, so he asked B whether she was speaking the truth. B said that she didn’t know if any of these was the truth, but it was what was circulating around in school. B told K that with K’s qualities, She is not shocked that T would like K. So K became very sad and thought that T was only playing with his feelings.

And so K became a freak. He couldn’t eat. His eyes were often dilapidated due to lack of sleep. K suffered for many weeks, he didn’t know what to do. He was sad for himself, he hated to be entangled in this web. Every day was tough to pass for K. He couldn’t eat or sleep well. He felt very stressed up. When his friends were talking to him, he was often in a daze.. he didn’t know they were talking to him.. all day he could just do nothing, neither could he concentrate on anything he do. The whole time he had to decide whether to give up his gf, or should he continue to be with her, and don’t care about T. He was in a dilemna. He knows inside his heart, he wanted his gf to not be hurt, but he also knew that he had fallen in love with T.

Although T and his gf had the same looks, When K is with T, they have something which not many couples have, which is called chemistry. K brings out the best in T, while T brings out the best in K, and that is called chemistry. But if T was the girl who often played with guys feelings, K would be really sad if he believed her… Each night, T paged for K to call her, and everytime K would only call her in the wee hours of the night. K doubted T, and one day, he asked her “ did u ever liked someone else before?”

And T replied "yes I do, it was XXXX." K thought that whatever his friend B said was true, and he probed further… No matter how T replied, K wouldn’t trust T, as the words of B were always ringing in his head. Although B didn’t dislike T, she had to tell K about the things she heard about T. B wasn’t a bad mouther, she just wanted K to make the correct choice. Finally K gave up questioning T, and decided to trust his own instincts. He knew that T really liked him, and so he began to stop doubting her.

story of -=K=- :: part 6

2005-10-18T00:45:00.000+08:00

And so K went home alone… as he went home.. he kept thinking in his head… did he begin to treat T differently? Did he unknowingly fallen in love with T? He thought about the food he bought. Why didn’t he buy 2 shares instead of one big share ? He was confused. He was guilty to have all these feelings.

That night, T paged K again, and they began to chat… as usual… and so… since that day.. T was waiting for K to cal her everynight. If K didn’t call her, she couldn’t get to sleep… But on the part of K, he was feeling very confused… Every night he asked his friends out to play cards with him… as his 3 close friends were all living very near to him, they could play any card game they wanted, like bridge, spades, big 2, anything. So every single day, K went to play cards with them, hoping that T would go to sleep instead of waiting for him to call her… every single day, K played till 12am, even when the next day is a school day. K didn’t reply T’s page when he was playing cards, he only replied her when he reached home.. like a few hours later… but T waited.. every night T waited for K to call her, just like her bf. It was very sad on her part, that guy was another girl’s bf, and she is the one who is waiting for him to call her.

One of this nights, K asked T, “why did u wait for me to call u every night???” T had no answer. She didn’t know what to say. But she replied” I don’t know, I just want to talk to u every night, talking to u is very happy” or something like that. K wondered that if T liked him during that moment … he knows too,that he himself also enjoyed talking to T.

Then on one Saturday, T had another competition. T was a dance member, and so she had lots of competitions coming during that time. This time, T made up her mind. She decided to ask K out again..

She asked him “ this time, I am asking u out to dinner tonight, please be able to make it..” K at that time, didn’t know what to do again… he knows that if he goes, he might be drawn to T even closer. Once again K fought with his internal feelings. He didn’t know to go or not to go. K asked his friend, “ should I go?” and his friend replied” no harm going, u two didn’t do anything wrong what, eat dinner only” something like that… and so K made up his mind. He made up his mind to go meet T.

When K met T, once again he felt very much at ease. He didn’t feel pressured or anything. He enjoyed himself thoroughly, going to diner with T is like a breeze, time flies past before they know it. K and T had the most awesome chemistry that any couple could have. Never once did they ran out of words to say. Never once did anything happen that could affect their day. They were a couple that were destined to be together. But K knows he has a gf, and he decided that this was going to be the lsat time that he was going to meet T before things became too late to handle.

So he thought, ok, let me take a picture with her, and let that be the memory and it shall end here. And so K brought T to take a neoprint, and alas! The print turned out a little distorted. To this day, K stil keeps the distorted pic, it looked pretty cute with K’s face puffed up…

And so K took a picture with T, and then sent her home.. on the way home.. K could feel that T wanted to say something… T wanted to tell him something, he knew it.. but he didn’t probe. T lived some distance away from her mrt station, but there was no bus so often T walked home from the mrt. And that day, K walked her home. It was a 15 mins walk, but T and K was silent for the whle journey.

K knew T wanted to speak, he asked “ whatdo u have to say to me?” But T kept quiet. T said “nothing, nothing” And so K sent her to her doorstep.. and said” haha u live here? Finally I got the chance to send u home … remember that day when we had the project to do? I didn’t want to send u home that time…”

And T said” thank you very much for sending me, I got to go now, its really late” And bade goodbye to K. It was about 10 pm at that time. And so K went back to school. He had an Eca camp that night. He didn’t page T or anything after he left, and just thought that the night would pass easily, but it ddidn’t Although he had stuff to do during his ECA, he saw a page, and it was T’s number. K wanted to call her to ask what issit, but he had work to do. ( he was part of the organising committee.) and so he called her only around 12 am.

When K called T, T was speaking in tattered words. For the first time since they started talking on the phone, it was the first time T’s voice was like that. K asked “ why did u page me ? is anything the matter? “ T replied.” Um.. er… she couldn’t get it out of her throat…” K was in a rush. He had to do some work then, and so he said” quick, I need to do something” And T suddenly blurted out” I like u.”

K was stunned. He didn’t know what to say. He knew that from that moment things were never going to be the same again. K remembered that he had things to do, and he put down the phone abruptly..” Hey, I have got things to do now, call u another time” and he put down the phone. He went to do his stuff as the juniors were preparing for their activity. But in his head, he kept thinking, what was he going to do now..????

story of -=K=- :: part 5

2005-10-17T02:13:00.000+08:00

K, on the other hand, was with 2 of his close friends, who were getting bored. They decided to go for their meal themselves, and bade goodbye to K. K stood in the corner while T was searching for him… And finally T found K. T went to K, and said “ im really happy that u are here to support me” “K said Well u danced really well.. tired? Wanna go for a drink?” And so T went with K for a drink at KFC…

when K was at KFC, he sensed many pple looking at them, and so he asked T, “are the pple who are looking at us your friends??” T said “no, but I know them” But at that time, both T and K were absorbed with each other, after a while, they began to ignore everyone else. They were oblivious to the surroundings. All K wanted was to have a drink with T, and so he went to q up for their food…

He ordered one large whipped potato and one large drink naturally, he didn’t even ask whther T minded sharing with him. Then as he walked back, he realised that he had just assumed that T would share with him. He didn’t know why he didn’t bother to ask T before buying, but he had already bought it.

So he sat down, and asked “do u min sharing with me? “ T replied, “no its perfectly fine” And so T and K happily ate the potato and shared the drink, just like a couple. From that moment on, T started to like K a little. She didn’t know why whatever K did, she just accepted it. She didn’t mind sharing drinks with him, she didn’t mind eating the same tub of whipped potato. It was very peculiar, as T and K only went out for the 2nd time, and T was already so friendly with him. K didn’t feel anything at first, he just ate the potato with T like as if he is sharing with an old friend…

Suddenly, someone from T’s dance group came and pulled T away, saying “the results are going to be announced soon, hurry lets go to the stage!” and in a flash , T and her friend had ran out of the restaurant.. K followed behind, with drink in hand, and all of them reached the place where the results were going to be announced.

K stood in the same corner as he just came, and sipped slowly at the drink. After the results were announced, T didn’t win anything, but she wasn’t sad at all, all she wanted was to go down stage and talk to K… But at this moment, T’s parents appeared , and T had to go home with them… The moment T came down the stage, she went straight to K to tell him that she is really sorry she’s got to leave now, and had to leave K alone by himself.. K didn’t mind it at all, but he said “hey.. u asked me to come here to support u but now I come here and once u finished u are going home… very bad…”

K meant to make T guilty. K had a very bad habit... he never meant anything hurtful when he says it. He has a good heart but a harsh mouth. But T felt guilty, T was guilty that she asked K to come all the way and then leave him there alone... and so T felt very sorry to K, and watched as K took his leave before going back to her parents...

story of -=K=- :: part 4

2005-10-16T17:35:00.000+08:00

And so he talked to T, he asked her what was she doing online.. then she said.. doing the econs project… and T asked K what was he doing.. and K said.. im doing the project too.. T thought about the moment when K said that he got nothing to do.. She knew it was all a lie.. and so she asked K, “why did u say u have got nothing to do? Hehe”

K , didn’t know what to reply, and so he said.. “well, it was called “ ke qi hua” , which means courteous words, and he also confessed that he didn’t really meant to really send her home if he had a choice. But T said she understand, as the econs project was quite impt to economics students.

K and T then began to do their project online, while chatting to one another… both of them worked really hard.. and worked till both were really tired… But things were very coincidental. The moment K finished his project, T finished hers as well. He typed “ YEAH, I have finished my project!!!” and T replied “ hey, me too~~!” and both of them were happy and wanted to go to sleep. Then K suddenly realised that he has no diskette to bring the project to school. He then asked T, “can I send u my file now, u help me save in a diskette, and pass it to me tomorrow?”

T replied, sure, but I do not know how to receive a file from u and put it into a diskette.. At this point of time, K laughed in his heart. He didn’t know that girls can be so silly, didn’t even know how to search for a file and put into a diskette.. and so K laughed at T and said “hahaha.. u are so lousy~” jokingly. K tried to tell her online how to do it, but T, being a typical normal computer weak girl, didn’t understand one bit.

K was getting irritated as he was really tired and wanted to get to sleep, but he got to teach her how to save the file inside a diskette, and talking to her online wasn’t going to help things. So K said” give me ur house number, let me call u and teach u how to do it” and so K got her house number, and called her… that was the first time that they have talked on the phone.. K began to tell her how to do everything, how to save the file and search for it, how to put it in a diskette. After doing all this for K, T and K finally went to sleep….

So the next day came, and K went all around to look for T. He needed to get the diskette before the economics lesson. So after searching high and low, he finally found T at her locker. T passed the diskette to K, and many of T’s friends saw it. They were curious how she got to know me, and still pass diskettes to me. So they asked her, and T told her close friends.. she told them how she knew K.

K, on the other hand, didn’t tell anyone that he knew T, all he did was let nature take its course. K was a confused soul. He find himself drawn to T, but he put up a resistance against T. He knows that if he became entangled with T, his life was going to be very much affected. So K didn’t ask T out anymore.

But T began to enjoy talking to K. T paged K often, and they chatted. T had other guys liking her, but she didn’t talk to anyone of them for long when they called her. ( dun ask me why K knew this ) So T and K often talked on the phone. K had a gf in another school, but she was often sleeping when K reached home. K called T when she pages him, but he never made the first moves. He knew by doing so, he was telling T that he likes her. So since the day they met, K and T became very close.

One day, T asked K whether he wanted to go to support her during a dance competition. She said that if he could go, she would be very glad. That day was a Sunday, and K had no plans.. K didn’t know whether he should go, as he knows that there was school the next day. K asked 2 of his close friends whether they would like to go with him, to accompany him there and also to go and take a look at the dance competition. His friends agreed, and so they went there.. It was at suntec. The moment K saw T on the stage, he was captivated by her smile. She wasn’t a great dancer, but her smile says everything.

It has been a very very long time since K has seen that happy smile again ever since that day.. but anyway, K was there to support her, and after she came down the stage, T looked all around for K. She knows K was there to support her, and she looked here and there hoping to find K...

story of -=K=- :: part 3

2005-10-15T00:59:00.000+08:00

K met T at the interchange. At this point of time, K knows that he had no more chance to avoid T, T was staring straight at K’s face, asking him why did he start to leave when she asked him to wait.. K had no reply, K simply said.” I was just about to leave, didn’t expect to c u here.”

And so K and T went for dinner at the same food court that T had saw K for the first time.. The table where they had sat at is still now visible in K’s memory, but he din know whether T still remembers.

So T and K went to have dinner, and they began to sit down. T started talking to K by apologizing.. she said she was so afraid that K might just go off, as she really wanted to meet him. K said it was ok for being late, he was often late for appts too. K and T started to talk as if they were old friends. Although it was only the first time they met, they seemed to have known each other and chatted like old buddies.

Throughout the whole dinner, K and T didn’t even had a moment of silence or awkwardness. K and T were so much at ease with one another during the first meeting that they couldn’t believe it. T ate her favourite Beef noodles while K ate hot plate noodles, a memory that K can never forget. K can never forget how T liked to scoop each scoop of noodles, add abit of beef, and a little chilli on top before eating every spoonful of noodles. K can still remember how T liked to finish all her food although she was full, as she didn’t like to waste food.

So after eating, K and T was about to go home… when K asked T where she live. And T said, I live in XXXXXX. K thought , man, I am not sending her home, its too far, I still got an econs project to hand up on Thursday, and today is already Wednesday. T and K went to take the mrt, but as T and K were going opposite directions , K asked “ do u want me to send u home?” and so T replied..” I would love to, but its too far for u.

The time was about 9 pm, and if K sent T home, he would reach home at about 11++ pm, which would leave him with very little time to do the project. But K, being courteous, said, Its ok, I have nothing to do anyway. (which was a lie , he had his econs project to do ) But K didn’t know that T also took econs and had to hand up her econs project the next day too. So T in her head, she knew that K had to hand up a project, but she didn’t say it out. She simply said “ its ok, I can go home myself, please don’t trouble yourself to send me home” and so K said “ ok, then I shall leave, goood bye~~” and each of them went home themselves.

K didn’t know that T had never gone out so late before, and he didn’t know that T really wanted him to send her home, but anyway, he needed to get home to do the project…

The moment K reached home, he began to bang on his project. He had to add some finishing touches to it. But while he is at it, he kept thinking whether T had reached home. (from the food court to T’s home was about 1.5 hrs journey ) So K msged T to come online the moment she reached home, as K was using the computer which made him unable to use his phone (single house phone line and using dialup)

As K waited online while doing his project, he saw T come online…

story of -=K=- :: part 2

2005-10-14T14:36:00.000+08:00

K said “Hey, Although we have often talked online, I didn’t feel that I needed to get your number or anything. I didn’t feel like talking to u in person, I myself don’t know why” something like that..

T replied “ yes, because u are “dao”, always pretend that u never see me. I often wanted to say hi but u were always walking around in a hurry”

So K, at this point of time, know that he had not been “normal” to T. He realised that he was afraid of being normal to T. Why was that so? It is very simple. T bears an uncanny resemblance to K’s gf. Both were sweet petite girls. K was afraid of taking T as a substitute.. ( they were in the same school, but K’s gf at that time was in another Jc ). And so K asked himself, why are u acting so strangely towards T? he didn’t know.

But he said that golden line “do u want to meet me face to face? “ K couldn’t believe that he typed that sentence. He keep telling himself.. If T rejects him this once, he would never think about asking her out again and leave things as they are. He really didn’t know what to do at that point of time. And T replied…..

“u Are always so dao towards me, are u sure u wanna meet me? I don’t mind meeting u face to face..”

K replied “no, I am not someone who is dao… Since u so onz, how about tomorrow? K was just banging on his chances. He was just asking for the sake of asking her, and by asking for tomorrow, K thought that she would have already made programmes…

And so T replied “tomorrow I would be having dance rehearsals….”

And so K thought “well, this is all fated, I would not ask her out anymore….”

BUT … after saying that… T said… “I can meet u after that…”

T was a very protected girl. She can never go out after 8 pm. The latest that she can go is only during special occasions like prom night or chalets with teachers in it. So by asking K to go out after her rehearsals, it meant that T would have to meet K at around 8 pm. BTW T lives in the west, so she was making a move that might get herself into trouble. But when she asked K to meet her after her rehearsals, K didn’t think that T parents were so strict. K didn’t know that she had never gone out with guys till such a “late” time. ( the late time was actually very early, after 8 pm ) And so K replied…..

“can I have your number so that I can contact u to facilitate our meeting?”

And T replied “ sure, can I have your number too?”

And that was how K and T exchanged numbers. For such a long time after knowing T, K has never asked for her number before, neither did T asked for K’s number. But that night, both of them exchanged their numbers after about five months. That changed everything forever.

The next day came, and K was in a dilemna. He told himself, if T was ever going to be late, he would just leave, and leave her a voicemail that he was leaving. And so they fixed the meeting time at 7 pm in the evening. K knows that dance rehearsals usually end at around that time, and T would take sometime to meet him at a certain MRT Station control. So 7 pm came, and K’s heart raced faster. K keep telling himself to wait for T for only 15 mins. The moment K reached, he sent a page to T, telling her that he reached. Time was 7 pm exactly. At that time handphones were not common, only pagers. K hoped that T would be late and so that he wouldn’t wait for her, as he feel very very uneasy to meet T, it was like meeting another variation of his gf.

SO came 7.15, K msged T again to say that he was leaving, bye. Just like that… just as K was about to leave the mrt, he received a page that said please wait for me, I am coming now. So K was really in a dilemna. He didn’t know whether to wait or to leave. But to leave just like that was very very rude as T was already rushing to meet him. So finally he waited…

as 7.20 approached, K thought of his gf, he thought that by meeting T, he was actually being a very unfaithful guy. And he picked himself up to leave. And so K left the mrt station, and walked towards the bus interchange.. when he reached the bus interchange, who else but Fate rounded them up again...

story of -=K=- :: part 1

2005-10-14T02:12:00.000+08:00

Long long ago, there was this girl who was in a jc in the east. She was a very charming girl, nice, sweet,pretty, and petite. She had beautiful eyes, and long flowing black hair. She had a very charming smile and a face which radiates youth. Although she is not a sexy girl, she has a sweet , innocent look.

Then there was this guy, who was from another faculty. This guy had a small built, had boyish looks, and looked a little like an ah beng. This guy was in the same jc as this girl, and had a girlfriend in another jc, who was from his secondary school, but when he saw this girl, he was attracted to her. He was captivated by her, but he didn’t do anything, as he knew he was attached. But there was something that was very weird, this girl resembles his current girlfriend a lot, and he cannot help it but steal glances at this girl whenever there is a chance to.

Let this girl be T while the guy be K... and so a year passed, the guy, although he was attracted to the girl, didn’t try anything funny to know her or things like that. But as time passes, the relationship btw him and his current gf started to have problems. They were holding on together while many others have failed. K knew that it was not a good idea to break up with her as that was a crucial point of their lives, the A levels.. but it doesn’t mean that he has no more love for her, it was just that their relationship lacked spice and started to become routine.

One fine day, K went out to celebrate his friend’s birthday and he saw T again at a food court. When he saw her, that funny sensation came back to him again. That weird feeling he had came back to him again. This time, he knows he cannot resist her anymore. But still he didn’t try to get to know her, he fought down that urge again. So after going home, K went online.

This world has something called fate, and it happened btw K and T. T was online too that night. K doesn’t have a habit of talkin to strangers online, but that night, he just felt that he needed to talk to someone. So he went to an irc channel that was their school channel and waited. Fate gave them a chance, and made T come to irc. K had known the nick T used in irc, but didn’t try hard enough to talk to her, until that day , he just plucked up his courage to talk to her… So he double clicked on her nick, and started to say..

“Hi , I saw you today at the food court “

She replied “ Oh were u the one who was wearing the purple shirt with the blue jeans?”

K was amazed that she remembered him. So they chatted happily on irc. At this time in T’s head, she was actually attracted to K . She thinks that K was a very handsome guy. ( From what she told K later on ) So when she saw her that day , it left a very deep impression. And so they talked and talked, and K was happy yet guilty that he had talked to another girl. T knows that K had a gf, so she only chatted with K. So one day passed, and both of them felt happy to have met each other online.

From that day onwards, K knew that he had not been a good guy, he was very sad that he had did something like that. Although when now he thinks back it was perfectly alright, in that period of time he feels that he is a flirt. So whenever he saw T in school, he didn’t say hi or anything. He just walked passed her many times without saying anything. Inside the head of T, she was thinking why K treated her that way. She thought that he was the guy who she had talked to in irc the other day. So she thought that she had talked to a wrong person, but in fact she didn’t. So she was very puzzled in her head, and needed to talk to K again..

But T and K didn’t make an effort to wait for each other in irc as they had not fallen in love at that point of time.. But once again, fate was in action. When K came online one day, T was online again. So K started to talk to T many times online…. Then one of the times when K was feeling down bcos of a quarrel with his gf, he begin to tell T everything… he began to tell her about the problems with his gf.. How his gf neglected him bcos of studying.. and many other things… but at this point of time.. K didn’t feel that he had fallen in love with T. He knows he is attracted to T, but he won’t just give away his other relationship.

T on the other hand, hasn’t like K as well, she just feels that he is a nice person. So when K tell her about his problems with his gf, T was very receptive. She gave him ideas, and offered some solutions.

Never did she say things to worsen their relationship. So T and K became friends who only chatted on Irc. So it became like this, and a few months breezed by. The first time they chatted was during november 1999, and they talked many times till there was one fateful time during march 2000 when they chatted again..

K began to chat with T online, as usual. I remember that it was a Tuesday, that fateful day. K and T chatted just normal talk, and there was an econs project coming along, which was due on Thursday. K and T begin to talk… and K said something that would change their lives forever…

K said...

story of -=K=- :: prologue

2005-10-14T02:08:00.000+08:00

came across this story when i am looking thru the forum at work, was written by a forumner called -=k=- at around 1 yr ago (i guess, from all the chronological clues i got there...). it thread actually was removed due to some problem and one kind forumner there got the original and repasted it in the forum recently... that's wat the kind soul wrote: -

"Long long time ago, this dude -=K=- , WC3 chogosu and famous forumner, wrote about his story, about how his ex and him met up and how they fell apart.. at the point of time he was writing it he had just broke off with her.. so he wrote this to give it to her.. It wasn't written one shot.. he wrote it out bit by bit, and recieved quite a lot of support from the old forumners when they learned of his background story..It's a heartfelt story, personally I enjoyed it a lot when I first read it 2 years ago.. and reading it again still reminds me that you must cherish what you have, before it's gone forever..Btw, this isn't a perfect story.. and I didn't say it wasn't biased.. but this is the thing that he wrote, so apart from formatting the thing and some minor correction I've left everything intact."

so myself in turn also dun want to edit the story unless there some formatting work got to be done too... i hope -=k=- and the ppl in forum there dun mind me transfer the story here... its really a nice story, and i am doing it juz for the good-will of sharing this to all my friends and maybe we can learn somthing along the way together... pls feedback to me if there is any suggestion, thought or even objection abt this story being posted here... it will be rather long, abt 50 over parts, so i will update this story in the same time i update my blog... enjoy...

story of -=K=-

2005-10-14T02:06:00.000+08:00

as i am going to close my site on the other side, i think i am going to transfer and repost the story abt K here... at least it easier to update regularly here conpare to using dreamweaver... yup, so... i will restart the story from part 1... on the next post...

愛是最大權利 - Ping Pung

2005-10-05T03:32:00.000+08:00

可不可與你放膽嬉戲忘掉日與夜那些限期
不管身邊幾多無聊道理手拖手與你演出好戲
遊行直到夜晚多淒美爭取這一次走幾千百里

沿途留心掌心的知覺也著緊我認我認我愛得太過份
人群漸近想改寫你我命運任天塌下亦前行哪怕你說我天真

憑我徹底的勇氣愛是最大權利不理場面不偉大
我共你始終同游生死還有哪一種結尾花光一切在乎你
沒有想過太多我只需要你

路到盡頭也置之不理寧願為愛著你不捨棄
爭取多一次我身邊有你沿途祈禱始終一天我會望到
你是你是我的所有態度無從預告多曲折每段路
路中幾多的勸告我怕我會聽不到

* 憑我徹底的勇氣愛是最大權利不理場面不偉大
我共你始終同游生死還有哪一種結尾花光一切別嫌棄
若已想過太多我只知愛你 *

Repeat *

很想你 - 張智成

2005-09-07T00:01:00.000+08:00

曲：余哲函
詞：施人誠

你在那裡這些年來如意不如意
還快樂還單純還美麗時光如何對你

我在這裡人海中一座島嶼
很平靜風平浪靜
只除了深夜裡回憶會瘋狂來襲

我很想你你知道嗎
如果可以就讓我再見你
美好微笑清澈眼睛
好確定那場分離只毀了我一個而已

我很想你聽見了嗎 woo...
這是唯一我無解的困境
那些過去不肯過去
不管我後來遇見多少人
只能歎息都不是你

我在那裡你會不會偶爾好奇
有沒有曾經懷疑
我說我會忘記只是種好意
都不是你我只想愛你

遇見了你 - 陳奕迅

2005-08-23T19:58:00.000+08:00

曲：李雨寰
詞：李雨寰
編：Ted lo

遇見了你讓生命美好我看見繁華的春天
愛情如陽光閃耀我給你我的愛

* 離開了我你默默低頭我看見往事如雲煙
愛情沉重的憂愁

那依舊溫暖的笑容啊那不再提起的永恆
那曾經完整的美夢啊此時此刻你也會遺憾嗎

# 終於你離開了帶著我給你的愛
帶著我的幸福飛到那天邊
到另一個世界留下我的傷終於你離開了我

Repeat * #

愛到最深處不該怨尤是對自己的承諾
只是他不曾瞭解我告訴他我還愛他

Repeat # #

葡萄成熟時 - 陳奕迅

2005-08-23T02:12:00.000+08:00

曲：Vincent Chow/Anfernee Cheung
詞：黃偉文
編：Adrian Chan

差不多冬至早一晚還是有雨當初的堅持
現已令你很懷疑很懷疑你最尾等到只有這枯枝

苦戀幾多次悉心栽種全力灌注所得竟不如
別個後輩收成時這一次你真的很介意

* 但見旁人談情何引誘問到何時葡萄先熟透
你要靜候再靜候就算失收始終要守

# 日後盡量別教今天的淚白流留低擊傷你的石頭
從錯誤裡吸收也許豐收月份尚未到你也得接受
或者要到你將愛釀成醇酒時機先至熟透

應該怎麼愛可惜書裡從沒記載終於摸出來
但歲月卻不回來不回來錯過了春天可會再花開

一千種戀愛一些需要情淚灌溉枯毀的溫柔
在最後會長回來錯的愛乃必經的配菜

Repeat * #

想想天的一邊亦有個某某在等候
一心只等葡萄熟透嘗杯酒

別讓寂寞害你傷得一夜白頭仍得不需要的自由
和最耀眼傷口我知日後路上或沒有更美的邂逅
但當你智慧都醞釀成紅酒仍可一醉自救
誰都心酸過那個沒有

Inside Your Heaven - Carrie Underwood

2005-06-26T00:58:00.000+08:00

I've been down, now I'm blessed
I felt a revelation comin' around
I guess its right, its so amazing
Everytime I see you I'm alive
You're all I've got, you lift me up
The sun and the moonlight
All my dreams are in your eyes

Chorus:
And I wanna be inside your heaven
Take me to the place you cry from
Where the storm blows you away
I wanna be the one to hold you
Every bit of air your breathing in
A soothing wind, I wanna be inside your heaven

When we touch, when we love
The stars line up, the wrong becomes undone
Naturally my soul surrenders
The sun and the moonlight
All my dreams are in your eyes

*Chorus

When minutes turn to day and years
If mountains fall, I'll still be here
Holding you until the day I die

*Chorus

Oh yes I do
I wanna be inside your heaven

my compatible naruto girl

2005-05-09T21:56:00.000+08:00

i like shy gal meh?? not 100% true leh... can she be shy when i wat, not shy when dun want?? asking too much hor?? lolz...

1st day of work, no flying, no body in sqn, zero productivity... sianz...

hk trip?

2005-05-05T15:20:00.000+08:00

all my dear friends,

you are warmly invited by me to a interesting shopping-cum-eating-cum-sightseeing-cum-some-other-things-if-you-want-to journey to hong kong. you can travel with me from singapore to hk (in the same plane, which most prob be a jetstar asia flight), or you can come own-time-own-target style. i should be there around 3-10 jul, so you can plan your travel timing flexibly. you can choose to stay in my house in hk, which is indeed (i have to admit) quite far from the downtown shopping areas (1 hr++ travel time), but i think my house can only hold 1 or 2 more guests so if you wanna save on hotel fee please inform me earlier.

this journey is extremely free-and-easy, you can choose to follow me to eat and shop, or you can juz break away to go anywhere you want! so book now to avoid disappointment! =)

hereby i attach some airfare comparison for reference (oh ya, you got to buy your tickets and book your rooms yourselves ya!)

jetstar asia
airfare - $68 (one-way) => $136
tax - $38 (to hk) + $52 (to sg)
total = $226

valuair
airfare - $226
tax - $65
total = $291

cathay pacific
airfare - $325
tax - $65
total = $390
(this offer ends on the 28 jun and travel got to be completed by 30 jun, but i believe there will be such offer again later)

yours,
cyclone

閉目入神 - 鄭中基 (在世界中心呼喚愛中文主題曲)

2005-04-30T03:32:00.000+08:00

閉目入神　片段在搖晃
白被間　蓋過了存亡　縱迎著曙光
過份著迷　我站在何方
願抱緊你再次滴汗　身心再次安塘

曾望見　世界遍佈了花園
照耀天上溫暖　再美　最後也終極耗損
原定了季節幻變總早有命數
無謂繼續　憑著記錄
沉著痛與你再度接觸
Your Love Forever

*閉上眼看過天空　閉上眼再次追蹤
追逐著身軀　失了蹤
怕過去痛快消失　描繪當天氣質
難道記憶　消失也值得
(沉重過哭泣也值得　憑著記憶跟你熱吻)*

Your Love Forever
閉上眼看你消失　背向你有我哭泣
依傍著窗簾　的瞬間
乍看世界已消失　描繪不出過失
沉在記憶中卻剩得我

Repeat *

the real, uncensored hall guide??

2005-04-30T01:41:00.000+08:00

came across a blog toking abt 'roughly' hall (aka my hall), maybe u guys can check it out on how the others think abt rh... dun think tat some of the info there is current (i mean we do have dryers, and our master has banned our traditional birthday celebrations... hmm...) but well, i strongly agree tat we are strong in hall spirit...
go, rh go...!

gonna sleep... got to wake up early for my 3rd paper...

thank (you)! =)

會有那麼一天 - 林俊傑

2005-04-21T00:53:00.000+08:00

一九四三世界大戰阿嬤年輕的時候
爺爺愛她那麼多他們感情很深
但是爺爺身負重任就在離鄉的那夜
給了阿嬤一個吻輕聲說道...

*我要離去別再哭泣
不要傷心請你相信我
要等待我的愛陪你永不離開
因為會有那麼一天我們牽著手在草原聽
鳥兒歌唱的聲音聽我說聲我愛你*

夕陽西下鳥兒回家阿嬤躺在病床上
呼吸有一點散漫眼神卻很溫柔
看著爺爺濕透的眼握著他粗糙的手
阿嬤的淚水開始流輕聲說道...

Repeat * x2

YaGoohoo!gle

2005-04-18T01:41:00.000+08:00

try this great search engine...

yahoo! + google = YaGoohoo!gle

心淡

2005-04-16T04:20:00.000+08:00

想不起怎麼會病到不分好歹連受苦都甜美
我每日捱著不睬不理但卻捱不死又去癡纏你
難道終此一生都要這麼不可爭一口氣

* 很謙卑只不過是我太過愛你連自尊都忘記
跌到極麻木只好相信又再爬得起就會有轉機
若我不懂憎你如何離別你亦怕不會飛 *

＃由這一分鐘開始計起春風秋雨間
恨(限)我對你以半年時間慢慢的心淡
付清賬單平靜的對你熱度退減
一天一點傷心過這一百數十晚
大概也夠我送我來回地獄又折返人間
春天分手秋天會習慣苦衝開了便淡 #

Repeat * #

(說甚麼再平反) 只怕被迫一起更礙眼
(往後這半年間) 只愛自己雖說不太習慣
畢竟有限就當過關

Repeat #

this is hacken lee's version in a live concert, which i think is better than joey yueng's version... =)
no link to my current feeling, but juz think tat its a really really nice song, another one which can sing until cry tat type... lolz

added a soundblox on the right, which has some of the songs tat i have posted here, it may take some time to load and stuff, it should work in most machines... enjoy..

存在 (Theme song for 在世界中心呼喚愛)

2005-04-13T11:56:00.000+08:00

found the chinese translation of the song... so there it goes...

消失在夜空的星星的聲音
散發虛幻光芒的淺黑色月亮
我倆同游的大海不知為何
轉瞬間漸漸變了色

不想就這樣沉睡
還想要感覺你…

如果你寂寞的時候
我甚至無法在你的身旁
可是知道了失去的傷痛的你
我祈願你能抓住其他的愛

若有一天你迷失在夜中
突然重新回想那一天的話
在炫目不已的太陽之中
要想著微笑的我哦

彼此重疊著的「喜歡」的堅強
連哭泣都變成了愛…

雙手懷抱著逞強的愛的軟弱
確定了脆弱的牽絆
可是會永遠永遠守護
活在現今的你 my love 在心中…

想哭的時候或是痛苦的時候
只要想起我就好
相依偎的地方遙遠的夏日
溫暖生存的喜悅
所有都在心中

かたちあるもの - 柴咲コウ

2005-04-11T22:06:00.000+08:00

Katachi Aru Mono
Lyrics: Shibasaki Kou, Yamamoto Narumi Music: Komatsu Kiyoto

Yozora ni kieteku hoshi no koe
Hakanage ni hikaru nibiiro no tsuki
Futari de oyoi da umi wa naze
Tsukanoma ni iro kaete yukun darou

Kono mama nemutte shimaita kunai...
Anata wo mada kanjitetai...

Moshi mo anata ga sabishii toki ni
Tada soba ni iru koto sae deki nai kedo
Nakusu itami wo shitta anata wa
Hokano ai wo tsukameru sou inotteiru...

Itsu ka anata ga yoru ni mayoi
Futo ano hi wo mitsume kaesu nara
Mabushi sugiru taiyou no naka de
Hohoemu watashi wo omotte ne

Kasane awasete yuku suki no tsuyosa
Naku kotosae ai ni kaeta...

Tsuyogaru ai no yowasa ryoute ni
Kakaetemoroi kizuna wo tashika meteta
Demo kono toki wo ikiru anata wo
Zutto zutto mimamoru my love sono kokoro ni...

Naki tai toki ya kurushi itoki wa
Watashi wo omoi dashite kurereba ii
Yori soeru basho tooi natsu no hi
Nukumori ikiru yorokobi
Subete no kokoro ni....

かたちあるもの
作詞: 柴咲コウ/山本成美作曲: 小松清人

夜空に消えてく星の声
儚げに光る鈍色(にびいろ)の月
二人で泳いだ海は何故
束の間に色変えてゆくんだろう

このまま眠ってしまいたくない…
あなたをまだ感じてたい…

もしもあなたが寂しい時に
ただそばにいることさえできないけど
失くす傷みを知ったあなたは
ほかの愛を掴めるそう祈っている…

いつかあなたが夜に迷い
ふとあの日を見つめかえすなら
眩しすぎる太陽の中で
微笑む私を思ってね

重ね合わせてゆく「好き」のつよさ
泣くことさえ愛に変えた…

強がる愛の弱さ両手に
抱えてもろい絆を確かめてた
でもこの今(とき)を生きるあなたを
ずっとずっと見守る my love その心に…

泣きたいときや苦しいときは
私を思いだしてくれればいい
寄り添える場所遠い夏の日
温もり　生きる喜び
全ての心に…。

a friend of mine send me this song, and i start to like it a lot, though i dun really know the meaning of it, but its nice... can someone know japanese tell me wat the lyrics mean?

can't believe it!

2005-04-10T03:20:00.000+08:00

completely can't believe wat i had watched juz now... 0-2 down to norwich! omg, its horrible, terrible, unbearable, argh... watever... think i am gonna start the sack ferguson campaign, really have enough of him. the worst match i have ever watched since i was a united supporter 10 yr ago... sigh... extremely disappointed with the performance...

anyway, got my varsity jacket and cap after the handball carnival final, which we have won the sg fed team 26-25. haha... team nus are the champions!!

768mb...

2005-04-06T21:18:00.000+08:00

finally, changed my 128mb into a kingston 512mb... so my lappy now has 768mb ram, hahaha... hope it will help for all my high-memory intensive apps, and my sims 2 (i won't play until after exam lah, control!!)

cleared 3 projects within 1 day, so now left 2, namely japanese studies term paper and os project; i still have 2 tests next wk... life is wonderful!

:: at this moment ::

finding perfection out of imperfection

i'm urs

Which Punctuation Mark Are You?

Your Score: Exclamation point

You scored 61% Sociability and 47% Sophistication!

my personal dna map

再一次擁有 - 龔詩嘉

無條件為你

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probablyPhysical Touchwith a secondary love language beingQuality Time.Complete set of results

Information

titanic 2... muahaha

大城小愛 - 王力宏

谷歌

my bleach character...

no more

story of -=K=- :: part 54 (end)

零與零之間 - 鄧麗欣 (Stephy)

分不開的兩個人 - 品冠

story of -=K=- :: part 53

story of -=K=- :: part 52

story of -=K=- :: part 51

Initial OK??

story of -=K=- :: part 50

story of -=K=- :: part 49

story of -=K=- :: part 48

落花流水 - 陳奕迅

story of -=K=- :: part 47

story of -=K=- :: part 46

story of -=K=- :: part 45

story of -=K=- :: part 44

story of -=K=- :: part 43

story of -=K=- :: part 42

my cattell's 16 factor test results

story of -=K=- :: part 41

final sem in nus

story of -=K=- :: part 40

story of -=K=- :: part 39

story of -=K=- :: part 38

on xiaxue's entry on ny eve

story of -=K=- :: part 37

Merry X'mas!!

story of -=K=- :: part 36

story of -=K=- :: part 35

story of -=K=- :: part 34

story of -=K=- :: part 33

story of -=K=- :: part 32

slow of me

story of -=K=- :: post 31

story of -=K=- :: post 30

story of -=K=- :: part 29

story of -=K=- :: part 28

story of -=K=- :: part 27

story of -=K=- :: part 26

story of -=K=- :: part 25

the struggle :: part 5

story of -=K=- :: part 24

the perfect couple

story of -=K=- :: part 23

story of -=K=- :: part 22

story of -=K=- :: part 21

Your Birthdate: September 5

story of -=K=- :: part 20

story of -=K=- :: part 19

story of -=K=- :: part 18

deadlines...

story of -=K=- :: part 17

story of -=K=- :: part 16

楓 - 周杰倫

story of -=K=- :: part 16

story of -=K=- :: part 15

story of -=K=- :: part 14

story of -=K=- :: part 13

story of -=K=- :: part 12

story of -=K=- :: part 11

story of -=K=- :: part 10

fyi

story of -=K=- :: part 9

story of -=K=- :: part 8

My primary love language is probably
Physical Touch
with a secondary love language being
Quality Time.

Complete set of results

閉目入神 - 鄭中基 (在世界中心呼喚愛中文主題曲)

かたちあるもの - 柴咲コウ