story of -=K=- :: part 53

On the 3rd of february,2002, K called T in the morning... he asked T... whther she would accept his valentine's day gift..... And T said . I will accept it.. like any normal friend who gave me.. And K asked.. " then can I meet u on that day to pass u the present?" and T said.. " I have school on that day.. I don't know , I will try to see whether I can meet you ... as a friend." T specified as a friend... but K was more than happy..." Hearing T's voice was more than enough... he had changed totally... They chatted... and K was tearin in his eyes again.. K was never such a crybaby, but whenever his emotions is evoked when talking with T, he will tear... he had become such a freak...

K said.. " I don't know if it sounds lame to you.. but if one day u will die unless I die, I would do it... " and guess what T said? T said.. " and I would rather die than live through the hurt again... It is too terrible.. too horrid... I cant even remember anything happy about us.. the hurt covered it all... " when K heard this.. tears flowed down his eyes... He knows how hard it was for T to take... he would never cause another pain to someone he loved so dearly again...

If time could be turned back, K would rather suffer himself than make T suffer... he said.. " U were 1/2 the reason why I live on... so when u have left me, it was as though I had lost my other half.. I couldn't go on anymore.. I really wish that we could turn back time, and things could be changed totally..." but K knows, if he hadnt gone through all these, he would not have learnt... he wouldn't have changed.. now he has.. and its only because he is made to go through the loss of T...but K was happy that T is willin to accept his present..

K asked T a question... " Do u believe that I truly love U?" and T replied.. " Yes..." K can sense the suppressed love T still bears for him... he knows it.. but every second, every min, the hurt had covered it all up... after they put down the phone.. K msged t.. " I hope we can go back to the times where I hadnt enlisted... we were so happy then... " T replied.. " if only u had not enlist, things might have been different..." K didn't know what she meant to this day.... But no matter what she means, K will still be right there waiting for T...

story of -=K=- :: part 52

Although K did all these, it was just as what the girl expected, it is not goin to have any effect on T... K knew it ... but he did it... just like T did last time.. it was not returned... T kept telling K that she knows how it feel to give and be hurt... and she doesn't want to hurt the other guy... but K knows how it feels too- believe me. K knows how it feels ... now.

The feeling is simply heartbreaking... now he finally realises it. He had become a stronger person... at the expense of T's wounded heart. K knows.. in t's heart, he is still there... but T would not give K another chance... for fear that she will get hurt another time.. but only if she knew ... if only she had a magic mirror to see what was K like, how he dealt with things, how he talk to ppl now, how he carries himself, how he changed, she will know... she will trust him once more...

Every single night.. K sent T sms... good night sms... each single day.. K would wait till it was night.. before sending her an sms... To show that he is still there waiting... From then on.. K changed his Mp3 playlist. No longer was it trance and techno... it had only a few songs... songs that describe his feelings.... And one of it is.. " right here waiting.. " he will be right here waiting for her no matter how long it takes... " K changed his Icq nick too... he changed it to rightherewaiting.... He hopes one day, one fine day, T would call him.. and say... lets be together once more... he knows his destiny with T had not ended yet....

But as time goes past... K slowly began to nurture the pain... each day, he lives to type this story.. each night, he lives to send T one sms... each second is lived on to know that there is still T living.... K doenst know how much he love T, he just know it by his actions... Never had he had such actions before... It was like as if he was living for her... but what about T? T had become someone who keeps studying... K talked to a mutual friend of them... from there.. he learnt that T had become someone who concentrates so much on her studies.....

So one day... K msged T... K said.. " If u can change till u are someone who keeps studying, It is also possible that I have changed..." but T replied... " I have not changed.. I only placed my priorities right..." Each single day passed.. and each time K hoped that T will msg him at least a good night... Every time K reached home.. the first thing he would do is to send T emails ... emails that doenst demand but show that he cared... Everytime K is missing T, he would write down on a piece of postcard....

There was one postcard tht he had given T... it is something like that.. " I can see that u are happy now.. I can picture u going to lectures with him.. I can picture u going out with him ... it is really a happy picture... I cant give u anything now, so I just hope for you to be happy... but please remember... that I will always be right here waiting for you.. u will always be the one I love most... and the words XX, XX, are the words that mean everything to me...." XX is T's name...."

There was once when K's good friends talked with T... they found out about everything... for K... when they asked T whether she still had feelings for K... T often said evasive replies... like I don't know what the future holds... and replies like.. take it that I don't... but deep inside... K feels it.. K feels that T still loves him.. whenever K talks to T.. he can sense it.. he can sense the feelings that T is forever trying to suppress.. this hurts him a lot... The T that he knew never suppressed her feelings.. from the first day that he knew her, he knew she would never do such a thing... from everyone , K knows.. K knows that T is unable to forget the hurt that he had caused.. .the hurt that T had gone through had built a barrier around her... Not daring to love again...

T herself said.. " I also don't know why I became like that.. I became someone who is afraid to love , I never liked to study.. but now what am I doing? I am immersing myself in my books and projects, trying to numb myself.. studying is so horrid, I don't like it at all.. but I would rather study that remember the hurt that u have caused me.."

K remembered every word that T said.. K knows how hard it is on her.. and he loves her dearly and wants to change that.. If T would give K another chance, she would know how easy it is to ease the pain.. and relieve the hurt. The more T tried to suppress her feelings.. the more horrid she would feel.. she will never find real happiness. K knows it.. K knows what T is suffering emotionally.. she may not show it.. but she is not truly happy... she always say that she is happy now.. but K knows.. K knows when she is all alone and lonely and doenst have anything to keep her occupied , her sadness flows in again.. If K could take the pain from her and live it himself.. he would do it....

story of -=K=- :: part 51

K waited for what seemed like eternity.. he waited for T to call her.. he didn't know how long that was.. but it seemed a very very long time..before T called.. and when T called.. K was silent. He couldn't start singing right away... he was very emotional at that time.. when he sung.. he had tears in his eyes.. but he still sang.. he sang from the first word to the last... and when he finished... he put down the phone... without saying bye... Just as he was picking himself up to leave... he received an sms.. which said.. " thankx , you can go home now.." and that was it.. that was all T said... T also said.. " please don't sit outside my door,, go home... "

For all the time that K was looking for T, T kept asking him to go home... K didn't know what that mean then... now he knows.. T didn't want K to do all these for her , she thinks its all too late... But no, nothing is too late.. K knew T too well.. she was not a hard hearted girl.. she was a nice girl who had to protect herself as she was hurt.. T said before.. " I know u only too well.. if I had gone back to u when we just broke up, u will never have changed.."

But K had something to say too... it is.. " Happiness is not that difficult to achieve... if u can trust love once again " ... K took his leave... and went home...

Initial OK??

got this from carareok, the first place i can think of to shoot the video will be the road behind science park, and i am right... hahaha... but then its breaking traffic rules leh, double white lines cannot go across u know...

story of -=K=- :: part 50

K went to look for T..... while going to look for T.. he felt really terrible.... He was so afraid that T wouldn't meet him... He thought to himself.. what should I do if T doesn't want to meet me? Wait below her block? Wait till the next morning? K prayed and prayed... why was he doing that? He asked himself... If T didn't want to see him then he would have to leave it to the letterbox again.... he called T when he was at the mrt station... but T said she would call him back...

So K began to walk the 15 mins walk..... halfway thru walking, T called... K said.. " can u come down to meet me now?" But T said.. " no I cant.. its too late at night for me to go out..." but the time was only ten... so K asked.. " please, I come all the way to pass something to you... please meet me for a while k? 5 mins is all it takes..." But T was determined not to meet K... T said.." no...don't make me feel like u are pestering me..." but K said... " if u r not going to meet me... I will wait downstairs for you... no matter how long u take.. I will wait.. " T said.. " like that, u are forcing me again... " but K said.. " no.. I am not forcing u.. if u dun wish to come down.. don't come down... " and T said.. " fine, u can wait for all u want, let me tell you, I will not come down to meet you., u will only be wasting ur efforts... I am goin to bath now.. bye.. "

K didn't know what kept him going.. he just walked and walked ... every step he took drained his life away from him.. it was depressing to know that T would say.. " no matter how long u wait.. I will never come down... " it struck him hard... but not hard enough for him to turn back. Never in his life had K become so mad before... he never never written love letters.. he had never do things like bringing things to a girl like that before... he had never waited for anyone below her house... he had never did such things to a girl... but now, he is doing it.. K's love made him change.. When K reached T's block.. he didn't know what to do again... He knew that T would never come down to meet him... and so he sat there... he waited... he waited... but he didn't know what was he waiting for, he was not waiting for T.. he was waiting for nothing. T didn't care that he was there.. he knew it.... But still he sat there like a fool....

After about 1/2 an hour... K decided to call the girl whom had analysed everything so well for him... he asked her.. " how? What am I going to do now? She wont come down.... " The girl said.. how did she sound when he said she wont come down?? K said.. " she sounded very stern.. and harsh... " then the girl said... " ok... she will not come down, dun bother to wait... just go put the stuff in her letter box.. and leave... or u could go up her house and leave it at the door.. and wait for her to open then talk to her..."

K decided that this is what he is going to do ... and so he left the stuff outside the door and stood there n waited for T. he wanted to sing the song for T too.. that is why he wanted to meet her.... K sent T an sms... " I left it at your door.. " And So K waited... he waited n waited... when he waited, he thought about the times he was at T's house... there was once when K went to her house ... when her cousin was in... and T let K sleep on the floor as he was tired... there was once when K went to her house for a meal cooked by T's sister in law.... It was a salty beef steak.... Those were the times when he felt like staying over at T's house.... During exactly the same time last year, K had went to T's house for chinese new year too.... T's mom cooked lots of nice food for them... and gave K a red packet... which was exactly the same amount as what T received from K's dad.... It all flashed in K's mind....

But suddenly... K realised that those were only past images, the present was the exact opposite... K kept looking downwards at the area below ... he looked and he looked.. he thought at that time... if T didn't bother to come to the door... why don't he just jump down and die? But that was just a stupid comtemplation. K would not do that.. if he did that.. it wasn't dying for love.. it was dying for stupidity... if he died, he will never get T back ....

So K waited.. and waited. He waited for T to open the door.. he knew she wouldn't expect him sitting outside.... So when T opened the door, she was shocked.. T was wearing a dark colored nightee.. the type that she always wore.. and T had a pimple on her face... K remembered everything about T .. but they had broken up. When T saw k.. she said.. " please don't do this... my parents are at home.. " But K replied.. I am here only because I wanna sing u a song... please... Just as K was about to start, T said.." no..please don't sing... my parents are at home.. " K said... ok... I don't sing... but can u call me so that I can sing to u?

And T replied.. ok....

story of -=K=- :: part 49

K took the mrt home... The train was so crowded, yet K felt so lonely... Everyone seemed to revolve around K... he was getting smaller by the minute... He sat there motionless for the whole journey... thinking and thinking.... Never one moment did he stop thinking or regretting.... K's friend had to meet a client... and so she left.... So K was all alone... alone in the whole wide world...

Without T.. K had lost the most important thing he ever had.. That night.. K called the friend who told him about the situation of army guys and their gfs in uni...... and talked... and asked for advice... She told K.. " it is not that easy K.. u have to show her that u have changed.... But even if u have changed, she might not believe u anymore ... because u have hurt her before... "

K said.. ""i know I am wrong... but I know she still has feelings for me.... If she could trust love again... nothing is impossible... " but K's friend, who was such a great analyser.. said.. " Even if she still loves u in her heart, she is already suppressing it.. she doesn't want to come back to u for fear that she might suffer like before.. .Even if one day the things u do manage to touch her... she may still not come back to you... because she might feel that the other guy would do better to take care of her... and even if one day the guy left her... she might still not come back to you... u have hurt her too much... eventually she might end up with another guy....

Are u sure u really want to still not give up? Do u know what that means? That means ... if u give and give and give and give.. and in the end its all to no avail, can u take it? Can u take the pain? The hurt? And its not going to be a few weeks or 1 month.. It could take so long... It could take so long.. and are u sure u can do it? Its not easy K...”

K was perplexed.. but he knew what he wanted to do.... He thought... poor T... she had become like that.. all because of him.. that look of T when he saw her kept flashing into his head... she had become such a freak.. and it was all because of him.. She had turned into a girl afraid to love... all because of him.. and she , T , had given so much into the relationship but got nothing in return... If she can do it for so long... K could do it too... K loved T ... It was then did he realised how much he loved T... T loved K , and so she could give unconditionally... and now.. it was K's turn... it was K's turn to give unconditionally... whether or not T is going to be moved.. or touched...

Another friend of K sent him an sms... she said.. " don't give up. If last time she can wait so long for u, hoping that u would learn to appreciate, then now its time for you to wait for her.." This message, although simple... is what had kept K going .... Till now...And so K replied.. " I will... I will touch her one day.. no matter how long it takes.... "

One morning.. K woke up... he woke up very early.. in tears... and started to write a letter to T... K said many things in the letter... all about how he felt.... How he took it.. how he got past that horrid time.. but K made it very clear to T... he said that he would wait for her no matter what it takes... And with that... K kept the letter and put it into a present wrapper that T had given him... K was a sentimental guy.. he keeps all of T's presents wrappers in a paper bag... so he took one of it.. and wrapped the ugly looking piece of paper.... Although it was an ugly piece of paper... It was the foolscap pad that T had bought for him .. from her school.. It was the last gift that T had bought for K besides the mouse... it was the last meaningful gift... K still remembers why T bought the paper for him.. cos K said.. "I want your school foolscap pad.." and T bought a foolscap pad from her school... a normal foolscap pad that could be bought from any popular bookstore.... But T wrote... with her handwriting... the initials of her school on the cover page of the foolscap pad... K would never use the foolscap pad anymore... he would only use it ... on T... he will never finish using it... he couldn't bear to.... K brought the piece of paper and wanted to give it to T that night.... That day.. K thought what could he do to let T know how he feels... so he thought and thought...

K remembered a song.. which he and K loved very much when they just fallen in love... the song title was "everytime"... K was a good singer... so he decided.. to sing the song for T that night.... K and T had never went to a karaoke before.... And since the day K and T broke up... K visited the karaoke at least 3 times a week... to sing ....

This is what life means... when u have a chance to do it... u don't.. and when u have lost the chance, u no longer have the chance to do it anymore.... So K went to find out the lyrics ... as he found out.. he typed it into a document..... the lyrics were so meaningful for K... K chose this song to sing to her.. because of the lyrics....

It goes like this...

Everytime

Lately i'm not who i used to be
Someone's come and taken me
where i dont wanna go
If i knew.. exactly what i have to do
in order to be there for u
when u are feeling low

And all the things we ever wanted
were once yours and mine
Now, i know we can revive it
all the love we left

Everytime i kiss i feel ur lips
Everytime i cry i c ur smile
Everytime i close my eyes i realise that
Everytime i hold ur hand in mine
The sweetest thing my heart could ever find
And i have never felt this way
Since the day i gave ur love away

Save me, i fallen from my destiny
U and i were meant to be i've thrown it all away
Now u are gone
It's time for me to carry on
But baby i just cant go on
Without u by my side

We can survive it
All the pain we feel inside
U relied on me and now i've let u down
Now, i promise u forever
I will be the best i can
Now i know we can revive it all the love we left